Manic Monday

so today was weird.
i was so scared.
my stomach churned so much.
i hated the waiting room.
thanks to the people that helped in the last 24 hours.
I saw someone from uni.
I saw a transsexual.
i almost threw up so many times out of fear.
i haven't eaten properly today.
and I'm lacking sleep.
and i have training in a few hours.
I'm wearing a jumper so my parents don't see the bruise.

today i did something unorthodox.
i was completely and utterly honest.
well 99% honest.
i have to give information on parts of my life
that i would rather not want anyone to know about
detailed information.
i felt like i was on trail.
i felt dirty, worthless, seedy.
it had to be done, i love that she said fuck.
literally that word made me at ease.

regardless I'm still scared as fuck.
though I'm glad she gave me stats.
its what i needed, it made me feel better.
the diagrams helped too.

i hit uni today.
for the first time since grade 10 maths.
i have failed assessment.
i talked it over with my tutor.
he gave me advice on what to study.
and convinced me not to drop two subjects.
so it looks like ill be cramming overtime.
today was dreadful

now i have to wait a week.
i dread making the call.
i want to do it at home.
at least that way no one will see me cry.

increased heart rate;
sweaty palms;
nausea;
worry ;
worry ;
worry;
the life of a uni student
fml indefinitely.

Before the worst

The sky is falling on my little world.
& it worries me.

Shake it

This year is coming to a close.
Today marks the end of uni tuts and lecs.
It honestly couldn't have come soon enough.

I'm somewhat crushed.
I found out that i failed two pieces of assessment.
Different subjects, 10% each but still.
I know i deserve it i didn't give uni enough priority.
I refuse to let this soul sucking abyss crush my social life.

I hit DFO yesterday. Spent half of my savings account.
FML, Lauren your a bad influence but a good assistant.
Our 2 hour ride home and maccas was priceless, truly wonderful.

Clubbing this weekend with Danni, Lesbo and various other folk.
I'm stoked about getting 'manda her birthday card, i already know which one.

I'm back online, its nice to be back, people actually genuinely seemed to have missed me. Also somethings amiss at uni, people are acting differently, but i have no idea why, I'm trying to not let it get to me. I'm glad my blogs hit people other countries, its a nice feeling.

Looking forward to the holiday, to the sleep.
Going to SA for a bit to see Gabi and meet her friends.
Kinda nervous. Oh and will have my soundwave tick soon.

So this is it

I'll probably never see her again.
I only found out she was leaving today.
I didn't know what to say;
The goodbye was horrible, I'm sorry.

So this is it.
Birthday tonight.
Alcohol and a fake smile.
Pretend everything's alright;
So no one asks you whats wrong.
It's less painful this way, much less painful.
=)

Champ

I have a lot on my plate.
Dejan don't like this. Dejan does not like this one bit.
There was a time where i liked deep meaningful questions.
Fuck that shit these days.

People fail at life, it's obvious.
Our prime minister is a twit.
Though I've come to find many people have his standard of communication.
Or lack-there off. Especially though with a uni-grade education.

I still don't know how to comprehend what mother told me today.
I don't want to do my legal foundation exam.
I don't feel like doing anything, nothing excites me.
And i literally, honestly and testosteroneally mean it.

What do you do when you believe in nothing,
And your best isn't good enough.
(i also today beat the pokemon league)
(boo-yah)

Superman

I still feel like shit.

Though i have no time for that.

The world calls.

*rips of overcoat in a masculine manor*

Today was been overwhelming.

Not physically but emotional and psychologically.

I had a friend call me in tears.
I instantaneously stopped thinking about 'them'.
And turned to the issue at hand.

I come home, mums on the phone panicking.
Sladjana's looks shell shocked.

What's wrong i wonder?
I won't go into detail.

Though now my family is in crisis mode.

Domestic Violence

Affair's
Divorce
(not my folks, extended family)

Also a friend from uni is also having trouble with his love life.

Women are bitches.

In 3.5 hours.
I have to somehow forget about all this.

To go to training.
Oh how i yearn to be criticized.

My gradings in 10 days?
I am no where near ready.
Oh god, i hate October.

If the clouds don't clear

Then well rise above it,

well rise above it

Heavens gate is so near

Come walk with me through

Just like we use to,

just like we use to

Lets take it back

Before it all went wrong

Before the worst - The Script

Just Peachy II

OK, so I'm sorry i chased after something.
I've learnt my place. I wont pursue happiness.
A wonderful night of self-loathing planned.
It seems hard for people to comfort.
A few basic sentences, non longer than 10 words.
Was it always like this in high school?
I talk to my sister, something goes down.
It's like a community event, everyone must get in.
For those that did say something, thanks.
For those that didn't, thanks.
I spend too much time at uni.
I guess that's where my place is.
I get told there's a reason to all this.
I find it harder and harder to see.
I give up, you win the war.
God/Karma/Who ever you are.
You win. (y)

Libby the esurient

This will be a good week.
Today's been good.
Waking up at 7 was shit house.

Lecture was meh.
Spent the two hours yawning, doodling and distracting.

I told a few of kids from uni about my holiday experience.

Joe's jaw dropping reaction was the most amusing.

I don't mind being the but of ever joke.
If it makes people happy.

I had lunch was Lauren.
Which was cool, first time seeing her in so long.
Regardless that i may talk to her most nights.

I planned my week.
Seeing friends tomorrow and thur.

Seeing up on the weekend.
Perhaps something spontaneous on Friday.

Because of the dearly loved Lex Survey

They law faculty has called upon the force and candy.

To get us to do our surveys.

How could i refuse princess Leia?

I can't find most of my songs on my external harddrive.

Though i refuse to let that dampen my week.

It shall be a good week.

Libby: sorry about the blog title.
(Couldnt think of anything else.)

Holidays concluded

first and foremost; i hate Magda Szubanski.

More so than i hate anyone else at this stage in my life.

Today was been a somewhat productive day.

Nothings gone horribly wrong, so it's a good day.

3 gym badges closer to the Pokemon league (H).
Pokedex has hit like 91 or something, quite impressive for a week.

Hayley's birthday was amazing.
An amazing race for us.

We were put into teams.
I had Em, Court and Bonnie.
And a list of clues.
One clue to the next, and you had to fill out a questionnaire.

About houses/streets/signs/geographic locations. etc.

We came 4th.

Still i was soo much fun.

Best sober 18th ever.

Some things don't seem to change.
At the BBQ after the race, i was kinda lonered.

Migrating between Tim-Dan, Amy and Em.
There we're some people there i didn't enjoy.

I had the pleasure of having someone glare at me all day.
Yeah i know, i lost weight and got hotter, deal with it.
I had the joys of hearing about women degrade themselves.

I got some horrid horrid images i didn't need.

Also while we are out of high school.
These girls couldn't pass up the opportunity to bitch.

For those that read my facebook status that day.

I think i would take the frenulum tear over her company.
thus life goes on.
Uni tomorrow.

joy...

I tried to study today.

But the site's down.
Perhaps more Pokemon then?

This week wasn't that great.

Wasn't all that horrid either.

Here's hoping more something better to come.

=)