So 2009 comes to a close. By far this has been the most frightening year, but i feel proud about the amount of crap, people and situations i overcame. Especially in regards to uni. I don't know quite what to say. Life has changed significantly, I'm just really stoked that even though most of my friends have either become sleep deprived uni students, workaholics or found themselves involved in romance there's still a little bit of time left for me. Thanks everyone, i preferably would like to spoon a little bit more in 2010, so let's try and make some time for that aye?
Happy new year dear friends and creepy stalkers.
"This is my story"
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
New Chapter
This blog is going to be a happy blog, but first of all i need to rant about something that's been frustrating me. I'll start off with a few definitions:
Testicles: male reproductive organs located in the scrotum that produce sperm and the male hormone, testosterone www.gyneconline.net/eng/abc.htm
Pride: the feeling of self-respect and personal worth wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Manhood: the state of being a man; manly qualities wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl.webwn
My pet peeve as of late is clingy, lonely pathetic guys. I am sick about guys that have been in relationships for like two weeks and being with the one. Then when something horrible happens they go into a spiral of depression and can't believe how their heart has been torn out and their soul shredded. I'm sick of hearing about guys cyber stalking their girlfriends, like seriously. I am sick about hearing guys cry cause a girl doesn't like them or she did this and that with another man. Like seriously you are a fucking tool if you expect monogamy from someone you haven't even been dating for at least 6 months. Humans fuck up, shit happens, we have urges, be thankful it's just a sexual urge and not a I'm going to stab you while you sleep urge. My facebook news feed was spammed today by two individuals posting about how their girlfriend now hates them, they were posted lyrics from love songs and seeking sympathy because their life no longer had meaning. Like seriously, grow a god damn pair of testicles, rediscover some self-respect and man the fuck up.
Though on a happier note, I've changed a bit. We all have the notion of moving out and living on our own. For a while i thought i wouldn't be able to do it. I know i won't be doing it for a while because of uni the fact is simple, I'm logically i unfortunately have a working brain and know that i can't afford it at this age. Though there was always something else about moving out. It was the fear thing, a lack of confidence. Like graduating high school everyone seemed ready and eager to do it but i was shitting myself i had grown into a nice friendly routine with people i cared about and i did not want to leave it. Same goes with living at home, i unlike most people like my family, i talk with them, i eat with them, their there if i need them. At Sara's birthday i befriended her friends, and i have to say they are the nicest bunch of guys you could imagine. This weekend i spent it with them at Christian's house (Sara's boyfriends) his mum is beyond cool, like we can do what ever we want up until what ever hour we want and she doesn't care the slightest.
I spent three consecutive days there. I worked Saturday, i went there and stayed the night. I came home in the morning, showered, got ready for work, went to work, came home, showered went back and crashed again, then came home Monday afternoon. People these days seem to always want to go out and do something that cost's money but that wasn't the case with them. Not everyone was drinking but we still had a fuck load of fun. Movies, quoting shit, horrible jokes before crashing and swapping stories. I'm spending new years with them, shall be pretty epic. I know I've complained that my friends don't hang out as often as i want them to. It's understandable we all have lives and it seems like we always have to plan ahead in advance to get a day we can do something. Though its nice i have some friends that just do random party nights. It kinda did feel like i had moved out that weekend. We ate a lot of junk food, made a lot of mess. We cleaned up, we went shopping, split the bill. At this point I'd like to say never use self-serve check outs. We were there for at least half a hour, no joke. The guy who worked at woollies were so pissed off, gave us the 'four guys can't work the machine' stare. Like seriously that thing is sooo pressure sensitive it's not funny. Though a group effort on the Monday breakfast was pretty cool. I came home cause dad threw a hissy fit about me not being home for days. Turned all the slight small things about the weekend into a big deal. Like me not getting enough sleep, dad was like 'this is why you should be at home, so no one can disturb you while your sleeping'. Like seriously i chose to sleep on the mattress on the floor cause i gave the spare room to my sister. Also one of the dog's bit me cause i accidentally stepped on him, stupid Pomeranian. Though when i came home i was once again beyond bored, i had nothing to do.
Side note, i talked with someone again today. Haven't talked with them till i tried to get into their pants. We had a discussion about that cherry night in their car. I've come to realise my sex life is ruined. Like i know I'm std free again but once you catch something your mind is always there, always thinking 'when was the last time this person got tested'. I got told the only reason i got lucky that night was because i was so persistent. We talked and I've come to realise that i now make up reasons not to sleep with someone, purely cause I'm afraid I'll catch something, bye bye raging hormones, hello state of fear.
Testicles: male reproductive organs located in the scrotum that produce sperm and the male hormone, testosterone www.gyneconline.net/eng/abc.htm
Pride: the feeling of self-respect and personal worth wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Manhood: the state of being a man; manly qualities wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl.webwn
My pet peeve as of late is clingy, lonely pathetic guys. I am sick about guys that have been in relationships for like two weeks and being with the one. Then when something horrible happens they go into a spiral of depression and can't believe how their heart has been torn out and their soul shredded. I'm sick of hearing about guys cyber stalking their girlfriends, like seriously. I am sick about hearing guys cry cause a girl doesn't like them or she did this and that with another man. Like seriously you are a fucking tool if you expect monogamy from someone you haven't even been dating for at least 6 months. Humans fuck up, shit happens, we have urges, be thankful it's just a sexual urge and not a I'm going to stab you while you sleep urge. My facebook news feed was spammed today by two individuals posting about how their girlfriend now hates them, they were posted lyrics from love songs and seeking sympathy because their life no longer had meaning. Like seriously, grow a god damn pair of testicles, rediscover some self-respect and man the fuck up.
Though on a happier note, I've changed a bit. We all have the notion of moving out and living on our own. For a while i thought i wouldn't be able to do it. I know i won't be doing it for a while because of uni the fact is simple, I'm logically i unfortunately have a working brain and know that i can't afford it at this age. Though there was always something else about moving out. It was the fear thing, a lack of confidence. Like graduating high school everyone seemed ready and eager to do it but i was shitting myself i had grown into a nice friendly routine with people i cared about and i did not want to leave it. Same goes with living at home, i unlike most people like my family, i talk with them, i eat with them, their there if i need them. At Sara's birthday i befriended her friends, and i have to say they are the nicest bunch of guys you could imagine. This weekend i spent it with them at Christian's house (Sara's boyfriends) his mum is beyond cool, like we can do what ever we want up until what ever hour we want and she doesn't care the slightest.
I spent three consecutive days there. I worked Saturday, i went there and stayed the night. I came home in the morning, showered, got ready for work, went to work, came home, showered went back and crashed again, then came home Monday afternoon. People these days seem to always want to go out and do something that cost's money but that wasn't the case with them. Not everyone was drinking but we still had a fuck load of fun. Movies, quoting shit, horrible jokes before crashing and swapping stories. I'm spending new years with them, shall be pretty epic. I know I've complained that my friends don't hang out as often as i want them to. It's understandable we all have lives and it seems like we always have to plan ahead in advance to get a day we can do something. Though its nice i have some friends that just do random party nights. It kinda did feel like i had moved out that weekend. We ate a lot of junk food, made a lot of mess. We cleaned up, we went shopping, split the bill. At this point I'd like to say never use self-serve check outs. We were there for at least half a hour, no joke. The guy who worked at woollies were so pissed off, gave us the 'four guys can't work the machine' stare. Like seriously that thing is sooo pressure sensitive it's not funny. Though a group effort on the Monday breakfast was pretty cool. I came home cause dad threw a hissy fit about me not being home for days. Turned all the slight small things about the weekend into a big deal. Like me not getting enough sleep, dad was like 'this is why you should be at home, so no one can disturb you while your sleeping'. Like seriously i chose to sleep on the mattress on the floor cause i gave the spare room to my sister. Also one of the dog's bit me cause i accidentally stepped on him, stupid Pomeranian. Though when i came home i was once again beyond bored, i had nothing to do.
Side note, i talked with someone again today. Haven't talked with them till i tried to get into their pants. We had a discussion about that cherry night in their car. I've come to realise my sex life is ruined. Like i know I'm std free again but once you catch something your mind is always there, always thinking 'when was the last time this person got tested'. I got told the only reason i got lucky that night was because i was so persistent. We talked and I've come to realise that i now make up reasons not to sleep with someone, purely cause I'm afraid I'll catch something, bye bye raging hormones, hello state of fear.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
To be or not to be; that is the question
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Friday, December 18, 2009
The walk of shame
While everyone is out having fun on a exciting Friday night i thought i would cope with my insomnia with a blog. This is the third time I've attempted to write this one, each time my mood has changed, from angry to mellow to confused.
Life's going pretty well i guess. I got accepted into the course i wanted and I'm making money. Something is different, i have a routine. It's not like a uni routine because that's always been pretty flexible. A lot of stuff has been happening as of late and it's been building up so i think its time i got it off my chest.
I'm scared first and foremost. 2010 is going to be quite an experience. I'll officially be doing a double degree and the subjects are going to get harder to I'm expecting a larger work load. I'm gonna try and maintain some form of employment cause quite frankly it's nice to have some income and be able to go out. Granted i don't go out, but i want that to change. I want more parties, i want more clubbing, i want more drunken moments and shitty awkward dancing with friends cause that kind of shit makes me happy.
I know its hypocrisy saying i want to party more often when uni is only going to get tougher but you know what I'll find a way to do it. Cause while it is novel to spend the occasional Friday night alone i don't want to spend every Friday night alone, you know?
Friendship has been a somewhat touchy subject as of late but you know what, fuck it. I've lost my share of friends this year, and I'm not sure what to think of it. It's nice to know that there are people i expected not to lose contact with that have stayed quite good friends with. I want more friends cause i rarely see those kids from high school. Next year's going to be difficult maturity with immaturity. I know it sounds strange but we're growing up as much as i hate to admit it. I still want to have fun but without the bitching. I know 25 year old's that have more fun then we do folks. I'll probably drop more friends cause I'm sick of people making me like shit. I'm sick of people ignoring me cause i left their party early cause i felt like utter shit, I'm sick of people ignoring me cause i didn't take their side in an stupid argument that i had no point of being in, I'm sick of people claiming to be my friends one day and then bitching about me on facebook, like seriously i know 12 year old's that wouldn't do that.
Rebecca Freemantle; it's been a while fatty. You were one of my best friends in high school, i probably told you things no one else knows, we dated, we broke up and we haven't talked from April till December. Thanks to Karli we went clubbing one day. I felt so awkward that night, i literally waited half a hour before i gave you a hug because i didn't know how to act around you. Though I'm glad we managed to get things back on tracks though i know your not going to be the friends that texts me every now and then or talks to me on msn. I'll deal with it; it was good to see you.
This year i also did something i haven't done since grade 10 and that was work with friends. Pizza Hut Call Centre lead to so many friendships, one notable being Amanda McIntyre. I'm pretty sure I'll still stay friends with people from Gametraders after my time is up, even if it is to go back and just bug people and make Pete order stuff in for me.
This year friendship has changed on so many levels. I experienced long distance friendships with dear friends that moved to Warwick and South Australia. I became really close with someone i hooked up with one random night and talk to pretty much ever opportunity i get, and i befriended this pretty amazing girl that always makes me laugh and calls me every single day and we will always find something to talk about and it just makes me smile, today's topic was the fact that she was willing to wax my testicles if i ever asked, though i wont cause i worry she'll wax one off or I'll bleed to death.
As of late I've become physically tired. I work, i nap, i watch TV and eat, then i go to sleep and i wake up and go to work, contemplating just going back to sleep and getting fired. Don't get me wrong i love my job and all but its like I'm just tired all the time even though my job isn't physically demanding. I worry cause that is what awaits us after we graduate university, we go work full time. On my days off I'm too tired to plan anything exciting with my friends so i don't want to become a social hermit. Work was nice cause like i think i got used to the fact that i would have something to talk with Alec, Libby, Nat, Pete and Michael and then go home and have a conversation with a family member, spam a bit on facebook then go online. Though i want random spontaneity, unicycles, toga parties and other random shit.
I want to change the person i am, on so many levels. Quite frankly I'm over one night stands and i just don't see the merit in getting laid, it's like it's become a chore (Very masculine Dejan), the truth is i would much rather have a chicken sandwich and some rice than a blow job from someone who I'm gonna find completely incompetent and regret in 12 hours. Ironic enough a great friend did originate from a one night stand but hey with like 1/12 the statistics aren't great. Sneaking out was fun when i first started, the shit i did and where i did it was just another life experience. It was a triumph just because i was so sick of people making assumptions about what i wouldn't do and having my parent's constantly nag and steer me in a certain direction. I'm not going to tell my mother i once fucked on a park bench, that someone tore my foreskin and i bled out or the fact that i hooked up with someone almost a decade older than me. Though the fact that i have done it is something i can share, and when someone gloats about hooking with someone older or somewhere exciting i can talk about it cause i have done it. I don't expect you understand, your most likely rolling your eyes at me while reading this and contemplating clicking the little 'x' icon but hey it's a guy thing i guess.
If i play my cards right next I'll could reach Calon Keluarga. Simply put this is the equivalent of a black belt. Though this belt is more than just an accessory its basically an invitation a number of trials. I have to be physically and mentally competent and with it I'll probably end up teaching. Which every belt from this point forward I'll be required to learn ever detail about certain forms one by one along with the philosophy and strengths and weakness's of it. I'm honestly scared and i don't think ill be ready mentally for it. For my level now I'm fine, though within the next 6-7 months I'll probably end having to hit the gym. I had to teach this week, we had a new guy come. Oh god it's so much harder than i thought. Though it's hard not just because you don't know how to interact but the fact is this guy was at least 3-4 years older than me and i just felt disrespectful giving commands. I've decided I'm not going to do the tournament in Indonesia this year, while it would be great to go, i know I'm not the best in the class, and i really don't want to choke in front of a grand audience, I'll need to build up the self confidence a bit too. Oh i started weapons training on Thursday, we didn't use real swords but dummy ones, it's just not what you expect but fun non the less.
It's been a hour and tomorrow i have a long day. I have to go Christmas shopping, then work, then birthday shopping, then have to find my way to Carindale for a birthday of a close friend who i have not seen since Pre-April. Then I get to see a bunch of you kids at Karli's little BBQ Sunday, quite exciting. I'll leave on this note; There will be one more blog before the end of the year and it will be a check list of sorts to what i want to achieve in 2010, life goes on no matter how bad you fuck up, you just have to get over things and i intend to do the same, i hope we're all friends next year. This year has been an experience and thank you for everything, the good, the bad and the memories.
=)
Life's going pretty well i guess. I got accepted into the course i wanted and I'm making money. Something is different, i have a routine. It's not like a uni routine because that's always been pretty flexible. A lot of stuff has been happening as of late and it's been building up so i think its time i got it off my chest.
I'm scared first and foremost. 2010 is going to be quite an experience. I'll officially be doing a double degree and the subjects are going to get harder to I'm expecting a larger work load. I'm gonna try and maintain some form of employment cause quite frankly it's nice to have some income and be able to go out. Granted i don't go out, but i want that to change. I want more parties, i want more clubbing, i want more drunken moments and shitty awkward dancing with friends cause that kind of shit makes me happy.
I know its hypocrisy saying i want to party more often when uni is only going to get tougher but you know what I'll find a way to do it. Cause while it is novel to spend the occasional Friday night alone i don't want to spend every Friday night alone, you know?
Friendship has been a somewhat touchy subject as of late but you know what, fuck it. I've lost my share of friends this year, and I'm not sure what to think of it. It's nice to know that there are people i expected not to lose contact with that have stayed quite good friends with. I want more friends cause i rarely see those kids from high school. Next year's going to be difficult maturity with immaturity. I know it sounds strange but we're growing up as much as i hate to admit it. I still want to have fun but without the bitching. I know 25 year old's that have more fun then we do folks. I'll probably drop more friends cause I'm sick of people making me like shit. I'm sick of people ignoring me cause i left their party early cause i felt like utter shit, I'm sick of people ignoring me cause i didn't take their side in an stupid argument that i had no point of being in, I'm sick of people claiming to be my friends one day and then bitching about me on facebook, like seriously i know 12 year old's that wouldn't do that.
Rebecca Freemantle; it's been a while fatty. You were one of my best friends in high school, i probably told you things no one else knows, we dated, we broke up and we haven't talked from April till December. Thanks to Karli we went clubbing one day. I felt so awkward that night, i literally waited half a hour before i gave you a hug because i didn't know how to act around you. Though I'm glad we managed to get things back on tracks though i know your not going to be the friends that texts me every now and then or talks to me on msn. I'll deal with it; it was good to see you.
This year i also did something i haven't done since grade 10 and that was work with friends. Pizza Hut Call Centre lead to so many friendships, one notable being Amanda McIntyre. I'm pretty sure I'll still stay friends with people from Gametraders after my time is up, even if it is to go back and just bug people and make Pete order stuff in for me.
This year friendship has changed on so many levels. I experienced long distance friendships with dear friends that moved to Warwick and South Australia. I became really close with someone i hooked up with one random night and talk to pretty much ever opportunity i get, and i befriended this pretty amazing girl that always makes me laugh and calls me every single day and we will always find something to talk about and it just makes me smile, today's topic was the fact that she was willing to wax my testicles if i ever asked, though i wont cause i worry she'll wax one off or I'll bleed to death.
As of late I've become physically tired. I work, i nap, i watch TV and eat, then i go to sleep and i wake up and go to work, contemplating just going back to sleep and getting fired. Don't get me wrong i love my job and all but its like I'm just tired all the time even though my job isn't physically demanding. I worry cause that is what awaits us after we graduate university, we go work full time. On my days off I'm too tired to plan anything exciting with my friends so i don't want to become a social hermit. Work was nice cause like i think i got used to the fact that i would have something to talk with Alec, Libby, Nat, Pete and Michael and then go home and have a conversation with a family member, spam a bit on facebook then go online. Though i want random spontaneity, unicycles, toga parties and other random shit.
I want to change the person i am, on so many levels. Quite frankly I'm over one night stands and i just don't see the merit in getting laid, it's like it's become a chore (Very masculine Dejan), the truth is i would much rather have a chicken sandwich and some rice than a blow job from someone who I'm gonna find completely incompetent and regret in 12 hours. Ironic enough a great friend did originate from a one night stand but hey with like 1/12 the statistics aren't great. Sneaking out was fun when i first started, the shit i did and where i did it was just another life experience. It was a triumph just because i was so sick of people making assumptions about what i wouldn't do and having my parent's constantly nag and steer me in a certain direction. I'm not going to tell my mother i once fucked on a park bench, that someone tore my foreskin and i bled out or the fact that i hooked up with someone almost a decade older than me. Though the fact that i have done it is something i can share, and when someone gloats about hooking with someone older or somewhere exciting i can talk about it cause i have done it. I don't expect you understand, your most likely rolling your eyes at me while reading this and contemplating clicking the little 'x' icon but hey it's a guy thing i guess.
If i play my cards right next I'll could reach Calon Keluarga. Simply put this is the equivalent of a black belt. Though this belt is more than just an accessory its basically an invitation a number of trials. I have to be physically and mentally competent and with it I'll probably end up teaching. Which every belt from this point forward I'll be required to learn ever detail about certain forms one by one along with the philosophy and strengths and weakness's of it. I'm honestly scared and i don't think ill be ready mentally for it. For my level now I'm fine, though within the next 6-7 months I'll probably end having to hit the gym. I had to teach this week, we had a new guy come. Oh god it's so much harder than i thought. Though it's hard not just because you don't know how to interact but the fact is this guy was at least 3-4 years older than me and i just felt disrespectful giving commands. I've decided I'm not going to do the tournament in Indonesia this year, while it would be great to go, i know I'm not the best in the class, and i really don't want to choke in front of a grand audience, I'll need to build up the self confidence a bit too. Oh i started weapons training on Thursday, we didn't use real swords but dummy ones, it's just not what you expect but fun non the less.
It's been a hour and tomorrow i have a long day. I have to go Christmas shopping, then work, then birthday shopping, then have to find my way to Carindale for a birthday of a close friend who i have not seen since Pre-April. Then I get to see a bunch of you kids at Karli's little BBQ Sunday, quite exciting. I'll leave on this note; There will be one more blog before the end of the year and it will be a check list of sorts to what i want to achieve in 2010, life goes on no matter how bad you fuck up, you just have to get over things and i intend to do the same, i hope we're all friends next year. This year has been an experience and thank you for everything, the good, the bad and the memories.
=)
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