Regretable decisions.

I decided I'm gonna be the bigger man figuratively.
I will host my birthday 'drink-up' on a different day.
But i will not be attending her party,
Nor will i invite her to mine.
I will not spend my day putting on a facade.
I feel sad that so many of my friends will be there.
But i will see them soon enough.
On my birthday i will we organising a movie with close friends.
Then a BBQ at my house.
Thank you Em, Tara and Karli for wearing me down last night.
I know my plans are selfish, but i have a right to be.
Regardless what is said i see myself as the virtuous one.
Regardless what Aristotle thinks.
Supernova is Saturday and I'm so excited.
I won't let this keep me down.
Time to stand tall again.
Though of course its a lot easier said than done.

Melly's Going away box social; Sunday 5th; 11.30 Svoboda Park
Be there.

Still a house of cards

I posted a blog not two hours ago.
But i deleted it.
I don't know to think.
I am angry and a lot of things.
I feel like i can say, "I wholeheartedly hate someone"
Not hating them as a person, but because i feel they took something.
Something metaphorical that i can't get back.
I could do so easily, i would anger a lot of people.
And i can not say that sentence without saying "Why do i care"

I hate ethics. My ethics class.
Its pointed out the flaw in my thinking.
But its just so hard to be the bigger man.
I just want to hit something, drink excessively, and run away.
Tonight i have said things that i have always morally opposed.
I could always find a reason to tell people to cheer up and can not for myself.

I sit here at 2 am fighting my own train of thoughts.
Oh what to do, deontology doesn't work, utilitarianism doesn't apply, all that's left is egoism.

Viva La Vida

I used to rule the word

Seas would rise when i gave the word

Now the morning I sleep alone

Sweep the streets I use to own

I used to roll the dice

Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes

Listen to the crowd would sing

"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

I've had that dream before, i wish i could experience it.
Just to be able to control something.

I didn't talk to that person

Not surprised i haven't talked to them since i had the original thought in high school
Everyone tells me my life will get better if i have a schedule
Guess I'll give it a go.

Bachelor of Justice

From the amount of work.

I should be doing a
"Bachelor of Art"

If you can't tell, theres 6 ninjas on my lecture notes.

I 'doodle' alot these days, and its winning me the respect of my peers.

But im not just a one sketch guy, i do superheros as well.

Side notes;
I can't lie anymore.Like physically my face gives out even the tiniest of 'fibs'.
I used to be so good at it, where for out thou facade.
I bet libbys like "Haha i remember when he pronounced it "fa-kade"
haha so do i little fat one.
I feel dead. The lecture i was like "........."

You can tell by the ninjas.
It has to be my best work to date.

I have an assignment due next week, have yet to start.

Why?
Another worksheet on monday..

I got the results back from my first worksheet.

13/20 not to happy.
Neither was dad, "at least you passed, now pick your act up"
Not the exact words, but the jist.'

I don't mean to demonize, but im pissed don't know why.
I think its the flu making me all moody.

I hate nagging and patronising.
"Your gonna be late"
"Have you got everything"
"FUCK OFF PLEASE"
I do it ever day when your not here, i can make my own breakfast.
I KNOW HOW TO READ THE CLOCK.
I've come to reason when no one nags, im early, i do things swifty.

But its like when someone nags, you slack off just to make a point.

Though your making their point.
Why am i so angry all of a sudden, i don't mean what i say.

I'm not in the best frame of mind, and haven't been in a while.

I should go see someone special tomorrow,

we got a few things to discuss, but i don't think i will.

I'm gonna tell dad i want mums side of the family at my birthday.

Wonder if he'll reefer to me as "her kid" or claim i'm turning against him.

I'm preparing for the worst.

Inviting people to my birthday as well, if i manage to call the hotel.

There are certain people i don't want there, but i can not reject someone.

Oh well, i should make an announcement.
That i don't want to be friends with anyone that doesn't put in the effort and waits for me to make the initial contact, i find i just don't care anymore.

So tired, waking up at 7, leaving leaving by 7.30

Hustle and Bustle of the early city life
I wish i could wear a suit like everyone else.

"And say it for me, say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say if it's worth saving me"

I have no idea why these lyrics are in my head.
I couldn't even remember the song.
Had to google, damn you unconscious riddle.
One day i'm gonna blog about all the weird dreams i'm having.
And the conspiracies i have behind them.

You stand so tall with the weight of the world on your shoulders

don't let them break you.

damn you high school memories.

on the bus to uni, musical montage.

then comes "soulja boy"

my head drops, eye's clench

so hard not to shout swear words on the bus

Why did you make me dance it Niall?"
Why did you youtube it Jayce?

T_T

5 weeks into uni.

still no epiphany

What to do.

Damn assignment due in two weeks

procrastinating as usual

title comes from a new found favourite song

after seeing madina lake live i didn't think much could compare

but a myspace band added me

1/40 being decent isn't to bad

Their message said;
"If your bored of Internet porn, check us out were just as good"
made me laugh

so i did, and their pretty sweet

Circles and Squares - The Overunder

I still think im ignoring the fact that Mel is moving to warwick.

simply cause i don't want it to happen.

Congrats libby on the new job, you deserve it.
tara is awsome, i forget the reason why. but just is.

I still laugh at the fact that Karli pointed out that we don't need to talk due to blogspot

and i'm still ever-so proud of that fat joke i through at Bec

Bec- "I brought my own food..."
Dejan(cutting Bec's sentence short)-"Course you did"

Nothing significant happened today so i'm talking about stuff.
I've come to a dilemma, i want to plan my 18th

but theres one thing in the way

Dad hates mums side of the family and hasn't talk to them in a long while

so i have yet to muster enough courage to ask him

I also got a invite from a Belgium band

they kinda suck, but the lead singer reminds me of ben

i bet some form of karma will get me if i don't add them

Laura Allen- I have come to recall that i never myspaced you about what time i'm at uni
i'm truly sorry and will message you tonight

i'm becoming quit the homophobe.

a certain person who stairs at me in awkward situations wanted to take
me for a walk to a place i have not been to

I publicly freaked out looking for reasons not to go.

even though i could physically overpower him he tried something

but still ; ;

Karli, Libby, Tara: I would like to formally extend a invitation to supernova.

Thats about it for tonight,
good night.

Damn it all

I'm about to start my first full length assignment.

Part of me is worried, cause i don't want to get back into that routine of stress.

Its the first thing I've had to overcome in a while.

Friday night was awesome.

Thank you Karli (y).

Though my father knows how to be awkward.

Its hard to prove that you didn't participate in a foursome that never quite took place.
regardless if i was told i tried to spoon in my sleep.
/sigh

This is a bit from my sociology class, kinda made my mind churn.

Damn learning.


"The nature versus nurture debate concerns the influences on human behaviour and understanding, and whether there is greater influence from genetic inheritance (nature) or from learning and experience of the environment Justice and Society 29 (nurture).

However, the huge differences across cultures in behaviour, attitudes and beliefs suggest that human beings are not prevented by biology from developing very different cultural patterns, not from producing many differences among their individual members.

Thus while the needs of sexuality and procreation must be satisfied as much as the need to eat, one of the obvious deductions which can be made from the data of anthropology is that these needs are hardly ever satisfied in any ‘natural’ form, any more than are the needs for food. Hunger is hunger, but what counts as food is culturally determined and obtained. Australians eat oysters but not snails. French eat snails but not locusts. Zulus eat locusts but not fish. Jews eat fish but not pork. Hindus eat pork but not beef. Russians eat beef but not snakes. Chinese eat snakes but not people. The Jale of New Guinea find people delicious.

Sex is sex, but what counts as sex is equally culturally determined and obtained. Every society also has a set of arrangements by which the biological raw material of human sex and procreation is shaped by human, social intervention and satisfied in a conventional manner. Among the Banaro, marriage involves several socially sanctioned sexual partnerships. When a woman is married, she is initiated into intercourse by the sib-friend of her groom’s father. After bearing a child by this man, she begins to have intercourse with her husband. She also has an institutionalised partnership with the sibfriend of her husband. A man’s partners include his wife, the wife of his sibfriend, and the wife of his sib-friend’s son. Multiple intercourse is a more pronounced custom among the Marind Anim. At the time of marriage, the bride has intercourse with all of the members of the groom’s clan, the groom coming last. Every major festival is accompanied by a practice known as otiv-bombari, in which semen is collected for ritual purposes. A few women have intercourse with many men, and the resulting semen is collected in coconut shell buckets. A Marind male engages in multiple homosexual intercourse during initiation. Among the Etoro, heterosexual intercourse is taboo for between 205 and 260 days per year. In much of New Guinea, men fear copulation and think that it will kill them if they engage in it without magical precautions. In New Britain, men’s fear of sex is so extreme that rape appears to be feared by men rather than women. Women run after the men, who flee from them, women are the sexual aggressors, and it is bridegrooms who are reluctant.

We spend our lives accumulating private possessions; the BaMbuti of the Congo forests spend their lives sharing their goods; the Kwakiutl of the Pacific North west periodically gave them away or destroyed them at great ceremonies. Our norms have traditionally valued premarital chastity; the norms of the Mentawei of Indonesia require women to become pregnant before they can be considered eligible for marriage; the norms of the Keraki of New Guinea require premarital homosexuality in every male. Women in traditional Arab societies must cover the entire body and even the face; Australian women may expose their faces but must keep their breasts and their entire pelvic region concealed; women in many parts of Africa may expose their breasts and buttocks but not the genital region; women in Tierra del Fuego may not expose their backs, and Tasaday women in the Philippines proceed about their daily lives stark naked. The range of cultural variation is so immense that probably no specific norm appears in every human society. Much of it has to do with the social construction of gender identity."

Dream Chaser.

I feel a little different.

I'm starting to listen to the sub-conscious dejan a little more.

It feels a bit like an adventure,

Yesterday i had a dream, it was a simple dream.

I met someone i have not met before, though i know of this person.

Though they did not look like what i know them to appear to look like in the dream.

I was just at hungry jacks, i ordered a small cheeseburger meal and bumped into this person.

Then montages happened and i life changed.

not romantically.

I woke up, and could not remember this dream.
It felt really significant though, so i spent ages trying to figure what happened.

and i did, that day i could not stop thinking of that dream.
I kept on thinking 'who is this person'

so before my first lecture, i detoured and went to hungry jacks.
i thought i would just jump into someone i know.

I ordered a small cheeseburger meal.

No one showed up.

I was kinda disappointed.

Uni went on.
I still feel uncomfortable when men check me out especially when i stretch.

Even though its just one man.

Still.

People are forming friendships at uni.

Its a lot harder than i recall.

I dont remember how me and my friends became close friends.

I spent all day today playing nots and crosses with joe in a lecture.

prior i cited with mel and sarah and her gay friend Kevin.

we were in myer.

Me and mel checking out mens underwear.

You know the boxer-briefs with the little crotch hole?

Mel didn't know.

"Hey Dejan you can put your phone in here! Wow thats handy"
She said, soon did i tell her what it was for.

Law library is too quiet, i hate it.
I love Brisbane at night, the lights.

The bus ride home at 9.

The Ferris wheel a glow

The ballet and Chicago posters.

magic