So today's my first day off in a while. Oh how depressing it was. I got my first taste of working full-time. It wasn't the most enjoyable thing in the world but when you have a body clock and you wake up early to a day of nothing it's even less exciting. I attempted to stay in bed as long as possible, waking up twice thinking 'oh fuck, I'm late for work'. I watched Red Cliff and ate.
For the next month and a half I'll be in debt. I'm well aware of it. I know that I'll be going into it. I wish i didn't have to, but oh well. I'll be leaving for South Australia on the 11th and coming back on the 19th. It's not going to be the most relaxing plane trip. I leave the day after stock take at work and come back the day before Soundwave. Majority of my money will be going towards my PS3 fund, and I'll also be paying for my ticket to South Aus. On the side i also have to think about holiday spending money and soundwave merchandise and maybe I'll have to pay a few ladies to get naked and cause a distraction so i can get backstage. Uni also starts up at the end of February. I think my book list is like $300. GTFO Qut. The only good thing about repeating a subject is not having to purchase material for it. It's going to a rough change. I went from working a fair bit and spending ever weekend in Carindale with friends to reading, reading and well you guessed it; more reading. Farewell Deej, hello Number: 07181647.
I need to change who i am. Well certain aspects about me. I know who i want to be but i just lack the motivation to do it. I'm sick of regrets, right now the things i regret are having certain people as friends and the most would be probably sleeping with certain people. I'm sick of you seeing you people around, i roll my eyes and gag at the notion we used to stand together in a close proximity. never again.
Also i want to know if there is a scientific reason for just not liking someone from the first moment you meet them? Like i don't hate you; i just hate everything about you and everything you do.
Social groups are changing. Enemies becoming friends, friends becoming enemies. I don't know what to expect when uni starts. The saddest notion is that i won't see my friends from high school aside from birthday parties. I wish we all just had the motivation to see each other a little more. I know we can survive without each other. Those in relationships need no one, those in new friendships attempt to make time for each other, i know it's sad, but i miss quite a few of you.
Nerdy Side Note: I've put together a pile of games I'm gonna trade in for credit on my PS3. It's so sad that I'm attached to so many of them. Like Psychic Force which i played when i was like 7? I'm never gonna play it again but it was a pretty awesome game even if it had only eight characters. I know that I'm materialistically clingy, oh well.
"This is my story"
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Evince
I'm sick and tired, of being sick and tired. I'm no better than those i complain about. Divorced families, starvation, chronic illness and i complain about not getting enough sleep or seeing my friends as much as i want. I'm no better then those slag's that complain about their failing relationships, or the difficulty of waxing someone else's genitalia.
Work's great most of the time, especially Saturday night. We closed the store early, Natalie stayed back and we reorganised. Oh we laughed so much. I laughed so hard when i found out Michael knew of Azerbaijan (MHS/ECN reference) if that isn't a sign that i found the right job i don't know what is. The only thing i don't have the confidence to do by myself is trades really, i dunno i just don't like quoting people a price in case I'm wrong. Oh well I'll get over it eventually.
I've been informed by friends that two people have 'crushes' on me. Haha I fear i am rebound man. Pretty sure one only wants to fuck me to spite someone else and the other one will only serve to mess everything up. Aside from the fact that women can get incredibly spiteful i don't want a relationship. I don't feel the urge to have deep and meaningful conversations with either of them, i don't see any merit in either of them knowing my deepest thoughts or what goes on in my mind after hours. I know the kind of relationship i want and i won't get it from either of them.
I hate hate hate hate high school kids. Especially illiterate loudmouth soon to drain our economy high school kids from Woodridge. That fuckwit in a mere hour justified domestic violence and child labour. Oh how many times i pondered throwing her under the train.
Coast was alright, i wasn't in the mood for it. I just wanted to sleep but oh well. Sunburn. I think I found the new hobby; I'll be getting the required equipment for it tomorrow probably. I need to get over this tired thing. I don't think things through when i say them, more so than usual. The only thing I'm afraid is saying something I'll regret.
Work's great most of the time, especially Saturday night. We closed the store early, Natalie stayed back and we reorganised. Oh we laughed so much. I laughed so hard when i found out Michael knew of Azerbaijan (MHS/ECN reference) if that isn't a sign that i found the right job i don't know what is. The only thing i don't have the confidence to do by myself is trades really, i dunno i just don't like quoting people a price in case I'm wrong. Oh well I'll get over it eventually.
I've been informed by friends that two people have 'crushes' on me. Haha I fear i am rebound man. Pretty sure one only wants to fuck me to spite someone else and the other one will only serve to mess everything up. Aside from the fact that women can get incredibly spiteful i don't want a relationship. I don't feel the urge to have deep and meaningful conversations with either of them, i don't see any merit in either of them knowing my deepest thoughts or what goes on in my mind after hours. I know the kind of relationship i want and i won't get it from either of them.
I hate hate hate hate high school kids. Especially illiterate loudmouth soon to drain our economy high school kids from Woodridge. That fuckwit in a mere hour justified domestic violence and child labour. Oh how many times i pondered throwing her under the train.
Coast was alright, i wasn't in the mood for it. I just wanted to sleep but oh well. Sunburn. I think I found the new hobby; I'll be getting the required equipment for it tomorrow probably. I need to get over this tired thing. I don't think things through when i say them, more so than usual. The only thing I'm afraid is saying something I'll regret.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tired Little Nerd
People really need to get their priorities in order and fuck off. I've worked 6 days straight. I've had pretty much no sleep; after tomorrow i have another 6 days straight. I've picked up two shifts this week. I've had cunt's for customers. I hate planning. I'm not going to plan that little Park Regis party anymore. Someone else can fucking do it. Dejan is tired. I'm sick of planning. This trip to South Australia will be the last thing i plan before my birthday, though i am thinking of having a small party this year. Gonna cut the guest list in half.
Enough of this 'apathetic' mood. Sick and tired of being stressed and depressed. Refuse to go emo and sit in a ditch while my life achieves nothing. I will some how make time to see friends. I will work less. I will hit someone eventually.
Enough of this 'apathetic' mood. Sick and tired of being stressed and depressed. Refuse to go emo and sit in a ditch while my life achieves nothing. I will some how make time to see friends. I will work less. I will hit someone eventually.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sad Little Nerd
University time table chosen. Wednesday 10.30 - 5 and Friday 10 - 4. I have a lecture on Thursday nights though i have a feeling I'll be covering a fair few shits so i don't count that as a certainty. This gives me a four day weekend so i have plenty of time to work. =)
As another chapter of life comes to a open, another must come to a close unfortunately. The new chapter is of course the second year of uni, though the chapter closing is defiantly something i valued more. Final Fantasy 11 was my first online game, it saw me almost fail grade 11, countless all nighters, i saw my sister doing all nighters on it, i made brand new friends, friends i even met up with in real life. With the realise of AION a lot of players from both FFonline and WoW have left servers to flock to the new game. Unfortunate to say the servers are dead and i am growing bored with the game. Gabi was the first close friend i've met and saw leave the game last year, i'll be seeing her in Feb when i go down to visit her. Haven't seen her since last year. Tim will be leaving the game when he's shipped back to America; gonna miss that dude, still have myspace i guess. I know its weird I'm sad but like i put two years of work into that game, made a fuck load of people, gonna be sad when i leave. I'm trying to hold out till the end of the year. Cause a bunch of us, Gabi and Tim included are going to start Final Fantasy 14 together. You know you're a nerd when you and a group of friends stay up all night in an attempt to slay a silly dragon.
When ever i have a relative from over seas talk to me I get scared. It's not that i don't want to talk to them. It's the fact that I'm so critical of my Serbian. I can't write in Serbian for shit. I'm going to buy a cam and mic so i can talk to them.
As another chapter of life comes to a open, another must come to a close unfortunately. The new chapter is of course the second year of uni, though the chapter closing is defiantly something i valued more. Final Fantasy 11 was my first online game, it saw me almost fail grade 11, countless all nighters, i saw my sister doing all nighters on it, i made brand new friends, friends i even met up with in real life. With the realise of AION a lot of players from both FFonline and WoW have left servers to flock to the new game. Unfortunate to say the servers are dead and i am growing bored with the game. Gabi was the first close friend i've met and saw leave the game last year, i'll be seeing her in Feb when i go down to visit her. Haven't seen her since last year. Tim will be leaving the game when he's shipped back to America; gonna miss that dude, still have myspace i guess. I know its weird I'm sad but like i put two years of work into that game, made a fuck load of people, gonna be sad when i leave. I'm trying to hold out till the end of the year. Cause a bunch of us, Gabi and Tim included are going to start Final Fantasy 14 together. You know you're a nerd when you and a group of friends stay up all night in an attempt to slay a silly dragon.
When ever i have a relative from over seas talk to me I get scared. It's not that i don't want to talk to them. It's the fact that I'm so critical of my Serbian. I can't write in Serbian for shit. I'm going to buy a cam and mic so i can talk to them.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
#200
It's not the 200th blog published because I've deleted quite a few but it is blog #200.
What to do, what to say?
Third attempt writing this blog, didn't know how to write. Last blog was something, wasn't in the most cheery mood as some of you might have guessed. Just got my haircut like two minutes ago. Urgh /sadface. It's short. Like short short. Like i refuse to leave my bedroom now unless it's for work or some other non-social event short. I hate haircuts. Now I'm going spend the rest of my day figuring out what most social acceptable way to wear my hair will be. Glad to have a checkered flannel thingy for every day of the week (not kidding). They make my head look smaller which is always a good thing. Urgh grow you mother fucker. Hair dressers need to learn the definition of a trim or perhaps mother should stop chaining hair dressers monthly.
Uni time selection tomorrow. Most strenuous two minutes of January for a uni student. I really don't want to go back. Straight law + employment. Lack of a social life is almost guaranteed. I've been thinking a lot, about a lot of things. Though I'm not going to write about them because I still want to intend that these parts of my life are only figments of my imagination. Though i wish this was a amazing blog for a 200th I still don't feel comfortable placing every single though i have out for the world to read.
What to do, what to say?
Third attempt writing this blog, didn't know how to write. Last blog was something, wasn't in the most cheery mood as some of you might have guessed. Just got my haircut like two minutes ago. Urgh /sadface. It's short. Like short short. Like i refuse to leave my bedroom now unless it's for work or some other non-social event short. I hate haircuts. Now I'm going spend the rest of my day figuring out what most social acceptable way to wear my hair will be. Glad to have a checkered flannel thingy for every day of the week (not kidding). They make my head look smaller which is always a good thing. Urgh grow you mother fucker. Hair dressers need to learn the definition of a trim or perhaps mother should stop chaining hair dressers monthly.
Uni time selection tomorrow. Most strenuous two minutes of January for a uni student. I really don't want to go back. Straight law + employment. Lack of a social life is almost guaranteed. I've been thinking a lot, about a lot of things. Though I'm not going to write about them because I still want to intend that these parts of my life are only figments of my imagination. Though i wish this was a amazing blog for a 200th I still don't feel comfortable placing every single though i have out for the world to read.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Hold me down
joy. happiness. envy. jealously. spite. sex. delusion. sex. sex. companionship. affair. sex. fight. A modern day relationship.
I was kidding myself. I'm not going to get into a deep meaningful relationship. I see friends. Most of their relationships bust. Relationships generally end friendships. They seem to just bring on a lot of shit; the notion of what a relationship used to be has changed dramatically. I love you goes around like gonorrhea though instead of the burning sensation people are overwhelmed my jealously and paranoia. I don't want that; i don't want to turn into that.
You me at six - Safer to hate her
logically, reasonable, practical.
I dislike the realisation that quite a few friendships were based upon the foundation of school. That once we left school we suddenly hand nothing in common and we lost contact. A once dear friend could infuriate me so; it makes me feel cruddy.
Sick of waiting for people to change or in some cases to change back. Fuck you indefinitely if you're going to be that way. I've still got my friends. I'm still making more friends. Deep and meaningful conversations were held tonight. I wish i could fix situations between people but i can't. As large as my ego is, i don't believe i have all the answers.
I had a horrid nightmare quite a few days ago. I have many dreams. Most are not worth mentioning because I'm starting to realise a particularly letter might not come for reasons other than the incompetent lack of communication between Australia Post and The Ministry of Magic. I dream that i grew old alone. I hate that thought. I want a kid more than anything. A family. I know why i had this dream, it was of a subconscious realisation. Well lack of realisation. I still refuse to believe some things because they scare the shit out of me.
While there are people out there suffering in the world; i am one of those selfish egoist that suffer from their own personality. I hate a lot of things about me. Though most of it isn't a physical level it's a mental thing. I hate some of my values, beliefs but most of all i hate my mind. I hate the way i think, the things i think about. I wish i could change it oh so much. Lying to fit in, lying to make conversations, I'm getting sick and tired of choking on my own self loathing every time i pretend to laugh. Part's of my life are a beautiful lie, though for the time being it's stuff I'll take to my grave. Though i shouldn't end on a sad note now should I? My pokedex tonight reached 400 and I'm the proud and legitimate owner of a shiny Raticate.
I was kidding myself. I'm not going to get into a deep meaningful relationship. I see friends. Most of their relationships bust. Relationships generally end friendships. They seem to just bring on a lot of shit; the notion of what a relationship used to be has changed dramatically. I love you goes around like gonorrhea though instead of the burning sensation people are overwhelmed my jealously and paranoia. I don't want that; i don't want to turn into that.
You me at six - Safer to hate her
logically, reasonable, practical.
I dislike the realisation that quite a few friendships were based upon the foundation of school. That once we left school we suddenly hand nothing in common and we lost contact. A once dear friend could infuriate me so; it makes me feel cruddy.
Sick of waiting for people to change or in some cases to change back. Fuck you indefinitely if you're going to be that way. I've still got my friends. I'm still making more friends. Deep and meaningful conversations were held tonight. I wish i could fix situations between people but i can't. As large as my ego is, i don't believe i have all the answers.
I had a horrid nightmare quite a few days ago. I have many dreams. Most are not worth mentioning because I'm starting to realise a particularly letter might not come for reasons other than the incompetent lack of communication between Australia Post and The Ministry of Magic. I dream that i grew old alone. I hate that thought. I want a kid more than anything. A family. I know why i had this dream, it was of a subconscious realisation. Well lack of realisation. I still refuse to believe some things because they scare the shit out of me.
While there are people out there suffering in the world; i am one of those selfish egoist that suffer from their own personality. I hate a lot of things about me. Though most of it isn't a physical level it's a mental thing. I hate some of my values, beliefs but most of all i hate my mind. I hate the way i think, the things i think about. I wish i could change it oh so much. Lying to fit in, lying to make conversations, I'm getting sick and tired of choking on my own self loathing every time i pretend to laugh. Part's of my life are a beautiful lie, though for the time being it's stuff I'll take to my grave. Though i shouldn't end on a sad note now should I? My pokedex tonight reached 400 and I'm the proud and legitimate owner of a shiny Raticate.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Fired up
I'm beaming. Glowing and seeping. (not really).
Life just keeps on getting better. Really getting to used to 2010. I've been uber busy this week. Granted i haven't had much time to relax beaus I'm traveling all over the place but it's actually quite nice to be busy for once in a while. social butterfly ftw.
Last night i went to Lauren's. She made me dinner and desert. <3.> Escape from Guantanamo Bay. The way there was pretty fucking hilarious. She couldn't find me in the city but did so after 20 minutes. So we were yelling on the phone to each other, she drove past waving her hands and i had to run a few streets so we could find somewhere to pull over. I saw Clayton, gave him a hug; miss that kid.
I've gone from 850 to 470 in three days. Urgh i need to save up. South Australia, Playstation 3, Supernova, Supernova Costume, Soundwave and CSS+OC merchandise + all the other bits and pieces. Mum and Dad bought the sister a laptop. I had to translate nerd, we found a decent one after a while. They also surprised me by buying me portable aircon. Oh things are grand, life is sweet, i look forward to the future.
Life just keeps on getting better. Really getting to used to 2010. I've been uber busy this week. Granted i haven't had much time to relax beaus I'm traveling all over the place but it's actually quite nice to be busy for once in a while. social butterfly ftw.
Last night i went to Lauren's. She made me dinner and desert. <3.> Escape from Guantanamo Bay. The way there was pretty fucking hilarious. She couldn't find me in the city but did so after 20 minutes. So we were yelling on the phone to each other, she drove past waving her hands and i had to run a few streets so we could find somewhere to pull over. I saw Clayton, gave him a hug; miss that kid.
I've gone from 850 to 470 in three days. Urgh i need to save up. South Australia, Playstation 3, Supernova, Supernova Costume, Soundwave and CSS+OC merchandise + all the other bits and pieces. Mum and Dad bought the sister a laptop. I had to translate nerd, we found a decent one after a while. They also surprised me by buying me portable aircon. Oh things are grand, life is sweet, i look forward to the future.
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