'Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give' - Norman Macewan.
Five days straight spent with friends without having the concerns of life. This blog will be different to most. It will be productive and just happy. I have come to realise that i have been stressing about far to many things. First of all University. I know it's meant to be a big thing, but it's not the be all end all. I have been hating my degree for far too long. A simple statement a friend lives his life by is 'Why do something you hate', so I've taken action. This person in a short amount of time is becoming a larger piece of wisdom.
'I don't think friendship should be about money' - Glen Poole.
Something I've come to discover, realise and administer into my daily life. My birthday people didn't intend on coming because they couldn't afford it. I lied and said i had already put a large sum down on the deposit where i only put down $50. I didn't want a friend not showing up on the account of not being able to afford food, so i bought them food. I want to be happy, i want my friends to be happen, happiness is not something that should be described through and by a monetary value. I know we eat McDonald's new family box just for the novelty of having a little family meal, it's not any different to our other meals but we still laugh at it.
I'm going to write up a list of both sort term and long term goals, just because I do find my life not really having a direction. I'm at University, but for what purpose? What will i do tomorrow? What will i do in 5 years? What would i like to be doing? All various questions i have to address. This will serve for future blogs. Right now I'm just going to focus on one thing, being happy. Once I've established my foothold on this little mountain, I'll invite others to join me on a little vacation.
I know that i have to prepare for three tutorials tomorrow, I'm not worried. I'll get through it. I might be up a little later than usual tonight but what does that matter? It's not going to effect me all that much tomorrow. I'll also aim to blog more.
No one blogs about being happy, and for some reason I've felt afraid to be that person that does so. Regardless my life is a little bit more than just panic attacks. I should be joyous. My friends met each other at my 19th, i was so worried that they wouldn't get along, but that's all behind me now. Now i know i can bring a friend from school with me on a weekend to hang out without having to chose between friends. This excites me. It makes me happy. I am smiling.
'Life is what you make of it. Always has been, always will be' - Grandma Moses.
"This is my story"
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Dejan's life
It's been a while. Time for a summary blog i do believe. So first off all, I'm 19 officially. Yay. Mother invited a few cousins over Monday, she got the day off work. We ordered pizza's, bought mudcake and whisky. I asked her if i could have a few friends over, because in recent month's these kids really have become family. She said yes, she and dad wanted to meet everyone.
I got home, cleaned my room, and waited. Family came first, friends later. It was kind of awkward. I'm on average like 5-10 years younger than my cousins. So our pool of conversation topics is quite smaller than average. After a while me and friends left to play tennis. It appeared to be a audition for the para-Olympics. We were not born athletes. We still had fun. My parent's got drunk that night, and i mean David Hasselhoff drunk. It was fun, some things that mum said I'll never forget, forever scarring. Though the one thing i was happy is that my family liked my friends and vise versa. I know my parent's are quite picky with that sort of thing.
I'm having a birthday dinner tomorrow. Somewhat excited. I was more thrilled to have my friends meet a select few of people i went to school with, just because i knew they would hit it off. That won't be happening. Pretty much everyone is bailing out, except Kevin; good ol' Kev-dawg.
Wednesday was something. I took charge of my life. After weeks of self-deliberation i came to a conclusion. I delivered an ultimatum. I told my parents if i failed any subject this semester i would be dropping law. We talked it out, dad is fine with it. Mum isn't. Lawyer Dejan was her little dream. Everyone seems to be in awe about me dropping out, well intending to. I don't know why, i never liked it; i thought people knew that oh well. I'll finish my Justice degree that's for certain, then ill do something post-grad after. I want two degree's i know that much. I can't begin to express how good it felt to get that off my chest after i told my parents. I came upstairs, put my favourite song on, turned the volume to max and sang like no one could hear. I texted Lauren. I was so happy.
I've come to realise i need to sort out my career. Something i can enjoy doing. Something that won't require me to live in another state. Something i can look forward to.
I got home, cleaned my room, and waited. Family came first, friends later. It was kind of awkward. I'm on average like 5-10 years younger than my cousins. So our pool of conversation topics is quite smaller than average. After a while me and friends left to play tennis. It appeared to be a audition for the para-Olympics. We were not born athletes. We still had fun. My parent's got drunk that night, and i mean David Hasselhoff drunk. It was fun, some things that mum said I'll never forget, forever scarring. Though the one thing i was happy is that my family liked my friends and vise versa. I know my parent's are quite picky with that sort of thing.
I'm having a birthday dinner tomorrow. Somewhat excited. I was more thrilled to have my friends meet a select few of people i went to school with, just because i knew they would hit it off. That won't be happening. Pretty much everyone is bailing out, except Kevin; good ol' Kev-dawg.
Wednesday was something. I took charge of my life. After weeks of self-deliberation i came to a conclusion. I delivered an ultimatum. I told my parents if i failed any subject this semester i would be dropping law. We talked it out, dad is fine with it. Mum isn't. Lawyer Dejan was her little dream. Everyone seems to be in awe about me dropping out, well intending to. I don't know why, i never liked it; i thought people knew that oh well. I'll finish my Justice degree that's for certain, then ill do something post-grad after. I want two degree's i know that much. I can't begin to express how good it felt to get that off my chest after i told my parents. I came upstairs, put my favourite song on, turned the volume to max and sang like no one could hear. I texted Lauren. I was so happy.
I've come to realise i need to sort out my career. Something i can enjoy doing. Something that won't require me to live in another state. Something i can look forward to.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
High School Agenda's
So this has been eating away at me for the past 19 hours. Last night i fucked up. I seriously fucked up. If Sarah Palin became president kind of fuck up. Last night was not what i expected. Started off great, we lit a fire, kept it alive for like 3 hours. It was fun, relaxing what not.
We watching some movies, some great (Bolt) some not so great (Freddy Got Fingered). There is a situation where i should have not gotten involved. Non of us should. It wasn't our situation. We just thought we knew what the outcome was. It was like we were afraid of destroying something we cared about so dearly, our friendship groups and in order to prevent harm to it, we might have even done more damage, ironic isn't it?
I felt like such a fuck up. I was told something, and told someone who told someone else. I have no idea how it got translated. It's like Chinese whispers, someone is bound to fuck up. I got the relayed message back and it wasn't what was said in the first place.
I'm at a loss at what to do. Last night i had a conversation with someone. It was just wow. Just talked about stuff i never thought i would talk about with person. As soon as he told me one thing, it made my heart sink. It was what i said, i said it without thinking. I don't know if it was the rum talking. I don't know why i didn't talk to this person before i told someone else. I just fucked up. I don't know how I'm going to resolve this. Though i will damn well try. I care about these people too much.
fate. a curious concept.
I've become somewhat irrational as of late. So i do what i normally do, i seeked guidance, i pray. I don't care what your views are. I was kinda freaked out. I just asked for a method to get over my fear of death. The morning after, my budgie had died. Was this a lesson the circle of life? I felt so bad, i blamed myself, i still blame myself. Sorry Micky 3. Miss you buddy.
We watching some movies, some great (Bolt) some not so great (Freddy Got Fingered). There is a situation where i should have not gotten involved. Non of us should. It wasn't our situation. We just thought we knew what the outcome was. It was like we were afraid of destroying something we cared about so dearly, our friendship groups and in order to prevent harm to it, we might have even done more damage, ironic isn't it?
I felt like such a fuck up. I was told something, and told someone who told someone else. I have no idea how it got translated. It's like Chinese whispers, someone is bound to fuck up. I got the relayed message back and it wasn't what was said in the first place.
I'm at a loss at what to do. Last night i had a conversation with someone. It was just wow. Just talked about stuff i never thought i would talk about with person. As soon as he told me one thing, it made my heart sink. It was what i said, i said it without thinking. I don't know if it was the rum talking. I don't know why i didn't talk to this person before i told someone else. I just fucked up. I don't know how I'm going to resolve this. Though i will damn well try. I care about these people too much.
fate. a curious concept.
I've become somewhat irrational as of late. So i do what i normally do, i seeked guidance, i pray. I don't care what your views are. I was kinda freaked out. I just asked for a method to get over my fear of death. The morning after, my budgie had died. Was this a lesson the circle of life? I felt so bad, i blamed myself, i still blame myself. Sorry Micky 3. Miss you buddy.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
kjsgfneklwsfjwekl
Oh so what a week. Consider this the introductory paragraph to this weekend. I'll start with a brief summary and then start from the worst and then end with a happy ending that contains a few open ended questions for sequel blogs.
So Wednesday it was Christen's birthday and Friday it was Glen's birthday. They decided to have a combined camping trip at Atikson Dam this weekend. 9 people including me went from Carindale to Atikson Thursday night and came back yesterday afternoon. After which we decided to go see Clash of the Titans. Well only 6 of us.
An hour into the movie something happened with me. I snapped. I had a mid-life crisis while watching Persius slay the Kraken. I at first tried to focus on the movie, it failed. I tried to focus on the fact that i was somewhat a third wheel on a date, that failed, i clenched my fist and head back tears for half a hour. I stormed a bit ahead of the group, Tahni followed me asking if it was the fact that she and Glen were holding hands and such, it wasn't. It was hard to deflect questions. Like i had only met Tahni once or twice prior to the camping trip but, hey camping brings people together i guess. Still my mind was focused on that subject. I really didn't want to disclose that. Glen caught up, jumped on me, gave me a hug and changed the topic, thanks buddy.
We got to Christens, i go into the backyard and tell Tahn and Glen I'm making a call. As soon as i step into the backyard i burst into tears and call Lauren. As you can clearly see I'm the epitome of masculinity. Lauren calmed me down, we talked about fat people, she made me laugh and changed my mind. Christen saw me cry, but Lauren made it seem all better, thanks babe :). I went back inside. Dodged more questions in regards to whether i was crying or not, and went to sleep. I'm not gonna go emo on my friends, i don't want to.
Camping was eventful. It was nice and relaxing. We had one fuckhead there who was not invited but invited himself and tried his hardest to ruin the weekend. He really did come close to it. Things went down, people got drunk. I went commando, told people to focus on a particular person. I spent most of my time talking with Glen and walking around making sure he didn't trip on anything. He kept on thanking me for looking after him, we had a deep and meaningful, i told him he was one of my best friends and this was nothing. The conversation went a little awkward and gay but we remembered said words in the morning. I did the same with Christen.
Saturday we went water-skiing and what ever the equivalent to boat-powered-tubing is. It was fun, it hurt your muscles like a mother-fucker but it was fun. I gave up on skiing. I couldn't handle someones bitching about my apparent lack of effort so i just gave up, showered and crashed in the tent with people. The camping trip wasn't ruined. Like it was good to bond with people. I can now say i have like 4-5 people that i would title best friend. This makes me smile.
My birthday in 15 days. I think i might have a dinner. A very small dinner. With people that can tolerate my family. I'll be doing things separate for uni friends, maybe work peeps. I don't like parties because there are people that are gonna be like, why wasn't I invited. The simple truth is i had to put people ahead of you. It's not the fact that we're not friends but urgh. Birthday parties always lead to some form of drama, so I'm not looking forward to it really.
So Wednesday it was Christen's birthday and Friday it was Glen's birthday. They decided to have a combined camping trip at Atikson Dam this weekend. 9 people including me went from Carindale to Atikson Thursday night and came back yesterday afternoon. After which we decided to go see Clash of the Titans. Well only 6 of us.
An hour into the movie something happened with me. I snapped. I had a mid-life crisis while watching Persius slay the Kraken. I at first tried to focus on the movie, it failed. I tried to focus on the fact that i was somewhat a third wheel on a date, that failed, i clenched my fist and head back tears for half a hour. I stormed a bit ahead of the group, Tahni followed me asking if it was the fact that she and Glen were holding hands and such, it wasn't. It was hard to deflect questions. Like i had only met Tahni once or twice prior to the camping trip but, hey camping brings people together i guess. Still my mind was focused on that subject. I really didn't want to disclose that. Glen caught up, jumped on me, gave me a hug and changed the topic, thanks buddy.
We got to Christens, i go into the backyard and tell Tahn and Glen I'm making a call. As soon as i step into the backyard i burst into tears and call Lauren. As you can clearly see I'm the epitome of masculinity. Lauren calmed me down, we talked about fat people, she made me laugh and changed my mind. Christen saw me cry, but Lauren made it seem all better, thanks babe :). I went back inside. Dodged more questions in regards to whether i was crying or not, and went to sleep. I'm not gonna go emo on my friends, i don't want to.
Camping was eventful. It was nice and relaxing. We had one fuckhead there who was not invited but invited himself and tried his hardest to ruin the weekend. He really did come close to it. Things went down, people got drunk. I went commando, told people to focus on a particular person. I spent most of my time talking with Glen and walking around making sure he didn't trip on anything. He kept on thanking me for looking after him, we had a deep and meaningful, i told him he was one of my best friends and this was nothing. The conversation went a little awkward and gay but we remembered said words in the morning. I did the same with Christen.
Saturday we went water-skiing and what ever the equivalent to boat-powered-tubing is. It was fun, it hurt your muscles like a mother-fucker but it was fun. I gave up on skiing. I couldn't handle someones bitching about my apparent lack of effort so i just gave up, showered and crashed in the tent with people. The camping trip wasn't ruined. Like it was good to bond with people. I can now say i have like 4-5 people that i would title best friend. This makes me smile.
My birthday in 15 days. I think i might have a dinner. A very small dinner. With people that can tolerate my family. I'll be doing things separate for uni friends, maybe work peeps. I don't like parties because there are people that are gonna be like, why wasn't I invited. The simple truth is i had to put people ahead of you. It's not the fact that we're not friends but urgh. Birthday parties always lead to some form of drama, so I'm not looking forward to it really.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Always running out of time
So it's been a while, unfortunately it hasn't been because I've been overrun with many daunting task but merely because i didn't feel like sharing my current state of mind if the few of you that follow this. I've been down lately. Actually it was kinda a whole that i grew fond off. It wasn't one of those 'oh my life is pointless, it'll never get better, I'm gonna go kill myself now' situations but rather something that required a bit more thought to comprehend.
Uni has started up, already nearly 6 weeks into it. I started this year with absolutely no motivation to continue my degree. I have to do straight law subjects this semester and i hate it beyond words. I hate the legal system, the legal process and most of all legal referencing. I can't wait to get back to my justice and sociological subjects. Don't get me wrong i enjoy uni for hanging out with my friends and having unforgettable and bazaar conversations but it's this semester i have horrid subjects and i just can't get into it. I'm gonna start devising a study plan, I'll use the holidays to catch up on readings and try and boost my marks. I have a interview with my tutor's next week for a second year law subject I'm doing, i regret it so much only because I've only completed one legal subject which was legal foundations. I'm still contemplating changing degrees. Tutor's have been telling me how lawyers have a high divorce rate, suicide rate and what not. I have a tutor who's been a defence attorney her entire life, how she has gotten death threats and at one time was robbed by her own client. I'm still somewhat adamant about a psychology degree or something in that nature. Though one thing that worries me about that degree is the capability to psychoanalyse anyone and everyone and even myself; no one wants that.
I don't want to spend days at home and pointless hours studying, i just want to help people. I just spent the last hour (it's now 1 am) going over and writing a fair bit into my sisters English assignment. I've been doing this kinda stuff since grade 10. Apparently i have a moral obligation to help my sister or so mum believes. She's like me, she leaves it to last minute. Though one thing differs. Grade 8 and 9 i would cry or fake ill or fake a injury to get out of school and work on the assignment after taking a nap and playing some PlayStation 2. Senior i just manned up and did the shit as late as required. My parent's weren't that great in English so i had to myself, something i need to teach my sister. Though she's family and i can't say no; I'd feel far to horrible if i let her fail.
Work has been pretty great. Like I'm getting more hours and whatnot but i don't like the reason why. I don't like the fact that someone has to get injured so i can work. Though this has given me a opportunity to prove myself. I closed by myself without anyone on Monday. As far as i know only Pete and Michael close solo. I took about a hour and a half just because i was so paranoid about it, even though Pete had told me to go. There was a balance irregularity which i didn't enjoy especially because no one knew what went wrong with it. I also decided to clean up, how ironic considering the state of my room.
I'm trying to a better person. I'm getting my shit together because no one wants to hear someone complain about their life when they have the capability to fix it themselves. Chances are if you complain about something you also have the ability to fix it, you're just lacking the motivation. Today I gave my mum money so she could buy herself new shoes. She keeps on spending money on other people and it's putting her in debt, i didn't care how much the shoes were. She really liked them so i gave her the means to buy them. Money is nothing when you get to see someone you care smile.
Uni has started up, already nearly 6 weeks into it. I started this year with absolutely no motivation to continue my degree. I have to do straight law subjects this semester and i hate it beyond words. I hate the legal system, the legal process and most of all legal referencing. I can't wait to get back to my justice and sociological subjects. Don't get me wrong i enjoy uni for hanging out with my friends and having unforgettable and bazaar conversations but it's this semester i have horrid subjects and i just can't get into it. I'm gonna start devising a study plan, I'll use the holidays to catch up on readings and try and boost my marks. I have a interview with my tutor's next week for a second year law subject I'm doing, i regret it so much only because I've only completed one legal subject which was legal foundations. I'm still contemplating changing degrees. Tutor's have been telling me how lawyers have a high divorce rate, suicide rate and what not. I have a tutor who's been a defence attorney her entire life, how she has gotten death threats and at one time was robbed by her own client. I'm still somewhat adamant about a psychology degree or something in that nature. Though one thing that worries me about that degree is the capability to psychoanalyse anyone and everyone and even myself; no one wants that.
I don't want to spend days at home and pointless hours studying, i just want to help people. I just spent the last hour (it's now 1 am) going over and writing a fair bit into my sisters English assignment. I've been doing this kinda stuff since grade 10. Apparently i have a moral obligation to help my sister or so mum believes. She's like me, she leaves it to last minute. Though one thing differs. Grade 8 and 9 i would cry or fake ill or fake a injury to get out of school and work on the assignment after taking a nap and playing some PlayStation 2. Senior i just manned up and did the shit as late as required. My parent's weren't that great in English so i had to myself, something i need to teach my sister. Though she's family and i can't say no; I'd feel far to horrible if i let her fail.
Work has been pretty great. Like I'm getting more hours and whatnot but i don't like the reason why. I don't like the fact that someone has to get injured so i can work. Though this has given me a opportunity to prove myself. I closed by myself without anyone on Monday. As far as i know only Pete and Michael close solo. I took about a hour and a half just because i was so paranoid about it, even though Pete had told me to go. There was a balance irregularity which i didn't enjoy especially because no one knew what went wrong with it. I also decided to clean up, how ironic considering the state of my room.
I'm trying to a better person. I'm getting my shit together because no one wants to hear someone complain about their life when they have the capability to fix it themselves. Chances are if you complain about something you also have the ability to fix it, you're just lacking the motivation. Today I gave my mum money so she could buy herself new shoes. She keeps on spending money on other people and it's putting her in debt, i didn't care how much the shoes were. She really liked them so i gave her the means to buy them. Money is nothing when you get to see someone you care smile.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Teenage Dirtbag
So life has been pretty bland as of late. Today was horrible. Dad would not get off my cause. He wanted to abuse everything and anything around. I got a lecture because i didn't finish my lunch. He's made the same people who knows how many times for the past year, and i will always eat the same amount. He threw a fit cause he couldn't close the door. I snickered quietly. I haven't talked to him all day. Fuck off seriously.
No uni work today, no surprise. I was going to attempt a podcast but i found out I had to listen to it at Uni. So I'll be making the effort to go in tomorrow. Tepanyaki will quell my troubles. Work's been so so as of late. New Guy, i have nothing against him except the fact that I've been there 4 months and he's getting double the shifts i am; poor guy he only has a full time job and all.
I took home Devil Kings and Pokemon Soulsilver in Japanese, they make me feel better. I have to work on cheering up. I just can't wait for the weekend so i can go to Christen's and get away from all this. I keep getting told how i was the perfect child growing up in comparison to some of my cousins. Yeah, I don't have a criminal record, i don't do drugs, etc. Though i have one thing, a secret. It's insignificant in my opinion but it'll crush their worlds. I guess i wouldn't be so hardcore if i didn't have something i was intending in taking to the grave. We'll i don't want to, but as things are looking i don't intend on sharing it.
Grading this weekend. Not excited. Granted i am getting better but i still hate the whole progress. Road trip will be alright i guess, last one wasn't to bad but it's like i don't know these guys outside of training so i don't know what to say. I really hope i don't have to preform the demo material. Its a One vs One vs One choreographed fight. I know who'll ill be grouped with, and i know they won't know the moves and i know I'll stand there looking like a complete twat. Oh i get to get dropped during the One vs One, that'll be degrading and what not, yay Dejan.
Party boat was nice, good to see Flick, Bianca D, Tammi, Anna and Caela. Nice to see high school people you never 'hung out' with (Flick aside) and you're still able to maintain a conversation. Like, Me and Anna were Civic Buddies in grade 10 and we still recall that, Bianca and I both do law and are facebook rant buddies (Oh i was so impressed cause i was writing 'Me and Bianca' and i was like no, grammar power up), i knew Caela from drama and me and Tammi randomly bump into each other.
Regardless as of late, life hasn't been so great. I theres a certain girl out there who's having it a lot harder because of illness i wasn't aware off till she told me and her blogs make me feel sad because i care about her so. It's blogs like those that make me feel shitty about the person i am, but hey they help with the self-reflection.
Oh, Obi-Wan take me with you.
Please.
No uni work today, no surprise. I was going to attempt a podcast but i found out I had to listen to it at Uni. So I'll be making the effort to go in tomorrow. Tepanyaki will quell my troubles. Work's been so so as of late. New Guy, i have nothing against him except the fact that I've been there 4 months and he's getting double the shifts i am; poor guy he only has a full time job and all.
I took home Devil Kings and Pokemon Soulsilver in Japanese, they make me feel better. I have to work on cheering up. I just can't wait for the weekend so i can go to Christen's and get away from all this. I keep getting told how i was the perfect child growing up in comparison to some of my cousins. Yeah, I don't have a criminal record, i don't do drugs, etc. Though i have one thing, a secret. It's insignificant in my opinion but it'll crush their worlds. I guess i wouldn't be so hardcore if i didn't have something i was intending in taking to the grave. We'll i don't want to, but as things are looking i don't intend on sharing it.
Grading this weekend. Not excited. Granted i am getting better but i still hate the whole progress. Road trip will be alright i guess, last one wasn't to bad but it's like i don't know these guys outside of training so i don't know what to say. I really hope i don't have to preform the demo material. Its a One vs One vs One choreographed fight. I know who'll ill be grouped with, and i know they won't know the moves and i know I'll stand there looking like a complete twat. Oh i get to get dropped during the One vs One, that'll be degrading and what not, yay Dejan.
Party boat was nice, good to see Flick, Bianca D, Tammi, Anna and Caela. Nice to see high school people you never 'hung out' with (Flick aside) and you're still able to maintain a conversation. Like, Me and Anna were Civic Buddies in grade 10 and we still recall that, Bianca and I both do law and are facebook rant buddies (Oh i was so impressed cause i was writing 'Me and Bianca' and i was like no, grammar power up), i knew Caela from drama and me and Tammi randomly bump into each other.
Regardless as of late, life hasn't been so great. I theres a certain girl out there who's having it a lot harder because of illness i wasn't aware off till she told me and her blogs make me feel sad because i care about her so. It's blogs like those that make me feel shitty about the person i am, but hey they help with the self-reflection.
Oh, Obi-Wan take me with you.
Please.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Another teenagers ramblings
Current Mood: Apathetic.
Relax this isn't one of those my life is horrible, 'I don't want to live any more' blogs. In contrary it's more of a 'I want to live more' blogs. Life's been alright as of late, not depressing nor exciting. Like there have been many event's, let us ponder for a bit.
Uni has started up. Not the best start. Uni books have been purchased and well they've been a set back really (financially). Uni has begun. First day back i did what anyone would have done, i organised a hang out with friends i haven't seen since Uni finished in 2009. I came back to find people who still remembered who i was. This has made tutorials a lot easier well more tolerable. I found my little Uni group and we just basically resumed laughing and mucking around like we didn't even have the four month break. Though I've already missed more than my fair share of lectures. I haven't listened to the pod casts like i said i would, though no real surprise if you know me really. This will be a long year.
For over the past 3 months i have at least spent one day a week if not the entire weekending in Carindale. Last year i reconnected with my friend Sara and ever since i have been at her boyfriends house hanging out with them, my sister and Glen and a few other people. They're pretty awesome, I've found that people i went to school don't really do anything on the weekend or just don't invite me. I'm fine either way, I've made a group of friends that i can just go see when ever i want. Though it's not the person i am, I've still have little voice in the back of my head that wants me to be friends with everyone.
Work's been well work. It's still fun and I like it there and wouldn't want to work anywhere else. There's just a few things that get me down about it, just when you pick up on your flaws or people point them out. The worst part is when the flaw's are insinuated and just die a little.
Today i met up with Lauren. We went shopping and laughed. I criticized everything she wanted to buy. It was pretty awesome. I got drenched on my way to Uni and spent the first hour and a half in an air conditioned room. I think my tutor thinks I'm incapable of doing this subject, I'm sick of her talking to me in a condescending tone. I've decided to be a little bit honest with the class so what, i admitted to doing things last minute. You asked the question and now you judge me. Found out someone deleted me off facebook I know it sounds childish. I may have had feelings for this person. Oh well, doubt you ever acknowledged my existence. I'll get better, I'll do things my way, accomplish my goals and make you remember who i was.
Time to clear my mind so i can get some sleep, perhaps some meditation is in order?
Relax this isn't one of those my life is horrible, 'I don't want to live any more' blogs. In contrary it's more of a 'I want to live more' blogs. Life's been alright as of late, not depressing nor exciting. Like there have been many event's, let us ponder for a bit.
Uni has started up. Not the best start. Uni books have been purchased and well they've been a set back really (financially). Uni has begun. First day back i did what anyone would have done, i organised a hang out with friends i haven't seen since Uni finished in 2009. I came back to find people who still remembered who i was. This has made tutorials a lot easier well more tolerable. I found my little Uni group and we just basically resumed laughing and mucking around like we didn't even have the four month break. Though I've already missed more than my fair share of lectures. I haven't listened to the pod casts like i said i would, though no real surprise if you know me really. This will be a long year.
For over the past 3 months i have at least spent one day a week if not the entire weekending in Carindale. Last year i reconnected with my friend Sara and ever since i have been at her boyfriends house hanging out with them, my sister and Glen and a few other people. They're pretty awesome, I've found that people i went to school don't really do anything on the weekend or just don't invite me. I'm fine either way, I've made a group of friends that i can just go see when ever i want. Though it's not the person i am, I've still have little voice in the back of my head that wants me to be friends with everyone.
Work's been well work. It's still fun and I like it there and wouldn't want to work anywhere else. There's just a few things that get me down about it, just when you pick up on your flaws or people point them out. The worst part is when the flaw's are insinuated and just die a little.
Today i met up with Lauren. We went shopping and laughed. I criticized everything she wanted to buy. It was pretty awesome. I got drenched on my way to Uni and spent the first hour and a half in an air conditioned room. I think my tutor thinks I'm incapable of doing this subject, I'm sick of her talking to me in a condescending tone. I've decided to be a little bit honest with the class so what, i admitted to doing things last minute. You asked the question and now you judge me. Found out someone deleted me off facebook I know it sounds childish. I may have had feelings for this person. Oh well, doubt you ever acknowledged my existence. I'll get better, I'll do things my way, accomplish my goals and make you remember who i was.
Time to clear my mind so i can get some sleep, perhaps some meditation is in order?
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