So this has been eating away at me for the past 19 hours. Last night i fucked up. I seriously fucked up. If Sarah Palin became president kind of fuck up. Last night was not what i expected. Started off great, we lit a fire, kept it alive for like 3 hours. It was fun, relaxing what not.
We watching some movies, some great (Bolt) some not so great (Freddy Got Fingered). There is a situation where i should have not gotten involved. Non of us should. It wasn't our situation. We just thought we knew what the outcome was. It was like we were afraid of destroying something we cared about so dearly, our friendship groups and in order to prevent harm to it, we might have even done more damage, ironic isn't it?
I felt like such a fuck up. I was told something, and told someone who told someone else. I have no idea how it got translated. It's like Chinese whispers, someone is bound to fuck up. I got the relayed message back and it wasn't what was said in the first place.
I'm at a loss at what to do. Last night i had a conversation with someone. It was just wow. Just talked about stuff i never thought i would talk about with person. As soon as he told me one thing, it made my heart sink. It was what i said, i said it without thinking. I don't know if it was the rum talking. I don't know why i didn't talk to this person before i told someone else. I just fucked up. I don't know how I'm going to resolve this. Though i will damn well try. I care about these people too much.
fate. a curious concept.
I've become somewhat irrational as of late. So i do what i normally do, i seeked guidance, i pray. I don't care what your views are. I was kinda freaked out. I just asked for a method to get over my fear of death. The morning after, my budgie had died. Was this a lesson the circle of life? I felt so bad, i blamed myself, i still blame myself. Sorry Micky 3. Miss you buddy.
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