Life's escapades (edited)

Oh blogspot, it's been a while old friend. So this is going to be a massive epic catch up blog, as i haven't been on in a while because the life of Dejan has taken many turns.

First step we shall take a look at is university. Today marks the begging of Week 5 of the QUT curriculum. I''m failing at it. I mean not in the regard that i am failing my semester but rather than i am rather become less and less attentive with it. I only have one internal subject, one external and one intensive. I have not been keeping up to par with my external study. I had this horrible dream last weekend that i was going to wake up to an assignment due the same day. A similar thing happened. Tracey, good all Tracey, hereby refereed to as God asked me how i was going with the assignment i had due Friday. What assignment was Dejan's response. So in 4 days i had madly rushed to get my annotated bibliography done. It was one day late. Various things affected my decision and i want to address them. First off all the assignment was worth 20%, Justice late penalty is only 5%, i did the maths and that was only one mark. The second was work. I had work the day it was due, if i had the day off I'm sure i could've finished it. Michael offered that i take the day off, but i believed that i had a responsibility not to let university commitments clash with work commitments because of things soon to come (This will be explained later). I think I've been putting it off because i wanted my work plan to come to fruition so i could assess my life into a schedule so i would have designated times to study. I want to believe that's why i haven't been doing uni work but only time will tell.

The next thing is address is work life. So it was declared i was getting one of the two allocated promotions to assistant manager. Well it wasn't declared someone let it slip and yeah know everyone knows. There is a little awkwardness about the whole situation, most obvious being a co-worker broke out into tears. I for some reason feel bad that i got it, though i know that i deserve it. I lack the self-confidence but lately I've just been working my ass off and Pete and Michael noticed and bought it up. I think the highlight was when Michael told me he thought i was the hardest worker there, including himself. Like that one compliment meant the world to me and was what fueled me to go for it. I know that i have no where near the customer skills and capabilities the girls have, non of the guys can match them, this what i need to work on. I've proved i can handle the organisational part of it, like i can close and what not. It's just going to be hard being the new Michael. I have no where near the knowledge he does, i don't have the confidence the girls do, i know shit all about anime and PC games in comparison to Ty. Like it's only going to get harder but I'm determined to work my arse off. We're having a meeting about it this week, so we'll find out what's happening. I already know I'll be working at both stores because Michael wants me to remain with him. I want to as well, i don't want my little work group to split into two factions. This work meeting is worrying me because we just got mystery shopped and I'm worried that it was me, and I'll get a bad review and it's gut-wrenching. Though I know I'm at the right job, i now this is where i believe. Friday Michael convinced me to start up Magic with him. For those of you that are rusty on Magic The Gathering, it's apparently the first ever card game. Me and Michael both bought a starter deck, and went halves on a 8 booster pack set. After we closed the store a customer came back and taught us how to place and directed us. It was fun, it was overly nerdy but i enjoyed it. Tomorrow after i finish work Me, Michael and Natalie are going to play in the backroom. I am actually really excited about this and shall spend far to much money on booster packs tomorrow.

My love life. Not something i talk about. Not something i enjoy talking about because i find it rather private and personal. I have a friend who i confide my issues with and he logically provides me with an answer, he is the expert to my situations on these. Lately I've thought i had feelings for someone, like romantic let's hold hands and all that kind of shit feelings. I was made aware that this person unfortunately had feelings for someone else, someone i know is far better looking then me and by the sounds of it has a better personality, yay team. It was a bit of a rage crisis, though like i said i talked it over with a friend, it was somewhat resolved. Like i still don't know where i want to go with it. The various issues are, maybe these people are meant to be together, why should i interfere. The whole, if i get jealous i lose a friend. The idea of would i even be able to handle a relationship with this person and most critically do i actually want to have a relationship with this person or is it just jealousy. I have not arrived at a conclusion, aside from the fact that i am quite over being 'Plan B'. I know what I'm going to do, i lack the self-confidence to attempt to explain how i feel so I'm just going to sex with a few other people in hopes I'll forget all about these feelings. I know how bad it is, though it's how i function, I'm not emotionally apt to deal with such situations. Part of me wants to create a separate blogspot account away from my friends just so i can go into detail because i don't feel comfortable expressing how i really feel. I think part of it has to do with the fact that the majority of the friends i have i relationships are crashing and burning, no other phrase to describe it and I'm worried I'll just be conforming. A friend bought this to my attention and i don't want people to get the wrong impression. My so-called solution isn't a literal thing, it's how i would've solved my problem and how i would like to, but i won't, somethings changed, something i might discuss in a later blog.

Family will be the closing chapter. I'm worried about my mother. She is unable to work because a neck plate has moved out of place and is applying pressure on her spinal cord. I for some reason feel partially responsible. I feel like my mother was forced to do a job she didn't enjoy that physically drained her so she could help provide for me and my sister. She's trying to get work cover, but it's such a long drawn out process. I'm just waiting to start permanent-part time so i can get the extra hours to be able to pitch in. I want to help provide for my family but right now i don't have the means for it. On the plus side mum being home has given her time to take me driving. I'm half way up on my hours, we'll nearly. Driving has been something new, I've gone from the stage where i hate it to where I'm actually OK driving. I hate driving 40 kilometres in construction zones because no one else does and i feel bad keeping people back. I still hate driving with a 4WD behind me. I almost died driving with dad because his teaching method is not something anyone can handle, the whole yelling backseat driver. After our literal near death experience.

So all in all life has been pretty alright. Granted it was a really shit week. I have another assignment due Wednesday so i need to get started on that but it won't be till tomorrow night. My friends are amazing, even though there are some i don't get to spend enough time with. Last night i felt awkward with friends, i had a lot on my mind and i just sat in the corner not saying a word because i wanted to be alone. Though after everyone went to bed me and Glen stayed up for a while just talking about it. It kinda helped, it's nice to know that some people are gonna be there for you. I need to get things in order. I want to see more friends more often. I want to put more effort into uni and work. I want to get back into training and general fitness, though most people are fasting now because of Ramadan, though i am looking forward to the slight festivities i get to be included when it is over. No quotes or lyrics, i just wanted to get things off my chest. This has been my life as of late. More blog's to come, hopefully more cheery.