I'm Still Here

Uni's weird, starting to dislike it.
Ok maybe im lieing; its not weird.

One thing i find myself lacking these days is motivation, which is an essential part of uni life i've figured. I can't bring myself to study, i cant bring myself to do the readings, i can't bring myself print out 15 pages a day for a lecture or a tutorial. I dozed off in my last lecture, i felt so bad. If i keep this attitude up i could fail the units, and i know then i'll never get into law.

Though i don't know if i want to get into law, i don't know if know if i want to join the police force. One of my lectures, his names Jan, hes cool. Hes a profiler, we printed out a sheet with the classes id photos on there, i found it creepy when he said to one girl, "You dont have dark hair in this photo" but hes like a ninja-profiler. He can tell when i have something to say like seconds after i have the thought, its kinda of intimidating but like, "wow".

He introduced himself and hes like; i've only worked in Canada, America with the FBI, Hong Kong, Thailand, Afghanistan, i've designed a few police course, i was a negotiator and i did a bit of anti-terrorism work; Hi, my Dejan, i'm doing criminology and i don't know what i want to do with my life, i think my reply had him beat.

Karli, i need to talk to your mum about policing, i dont seem to find you on msn, so im communicating via blogspot (Y).

Something that frustrates me is friends, part of me doesn't want to adapt to uni, because my friends aren't there. I don't have the insightful karli, the comedic libby, the distracting bec, the witty clayton and so on. This girl named Angel talked with me before a lecture and i wasn't the best company i know that, shes not what i'm used to.

Maybe next tutorial i'll call her fat and see how that goes?

A lot of things have been bothering me lately, ever since i broke up with bec i've kind of gone back to bottling it all up, i hate to say it but the only time i feel happy is when i'm drinking. I'd say 'seeing my friends as well' but its been too long.

D:

On that note i've finally remembered and realised everything that happened at Kelly's 18th.
T_T I don't know how to approach the situations though.

I also find the older people intimidating, i was forced to have a discussion with a third year law student and i just didn't want to say anything cause i would look like a fool. Also the older older people raised a discussions about late night porn adds, their description made me laugh, though Joe or Dean laughed as well, so i didnt feel as bad.

I can't concentrate at training, my mind is all over the place, i have trouble looking at dad, like his surgery wen't fine and ill no doubt freak out about his next one, but i can still see him in pain and when he has the sling on i just stay in my room.

I'm turning into Brodie, though i am taking precautions with my hair, i mean Bryce probably gets out more than me.

I think i know what i have to do with uni, its only a theory, but its worth a shot, ill see about executing my plan on Wednesday.

Peterpan and Treasure planet both have great concepts that i've always wanted to experience, i find myself more Jim than Peter, cause Peter's got his little posse and such, i'm just here waiting for something in life to take my breath away, i just need something to make me feel again.

I also just want to find where i belong in uni, i all really sick of telling people my, name, what course im doing, that im a first year and that i do not know what i'm going to do after uni.
Part of me wants to go into full time employment, like not crappy coles but like a real job just cause of the idea you know what your doing with your life, though i think thats just because of the ep of CSI i watched today, like i don't want CSI but even i didn't want Alex to leave her job.

Though i seem to have a soft spot for coroners.

Gonna go change my myspace song.
ttyl.

Oh btw, the Go-duster really works, i got bored today
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