So it's been a while, unfortunately it hasn't been because I've been overrun with many daunting task but merely because i didn't feel like sharing my current state of mind if the few of you that follow this. I've been down lately. Actually it was kinda a whole that i grew fond off. It wasn't one of those 'oh my life is pointless, it'll never get better, I'm gonna go kill myself now' situations but rather something that required a bit more thought to comprehend.
Uni has started up, already nearly 6 weeks into it. I started this year with absolutely no motivation to continue my degree. I have to do straight law subjects this semester and i hate it beyond words. I hate the legal system, the legal process and most of all legal referencing. I can't wait to get back to my justice and sociological subjects. Don't get me wrong i enjoy uni for hanging out with my friends and having unforgettable and bazaar conversations but it's this semester i have horrid subjects and i just can't get into it. I'm gonna start devising a study plan, I'll use the holidays to catch up on readings and try and boost my marks. I have a interview with my tutor's next week for a second year law subject I'm doing, i regret it so much only because I've only completed one legal subject which was legal foundations. I'm still contemplating changing degrees. Tutor's have been telling me how lawyers have a high divorce rate, suicide rate and what not. I have a tutor who's been a defence attorney her entire life, how she has gotten death threats and at one time was robbed by her own client. I'm still somewhat adamant about a psychology degree or something in that nature. Though one thing that worries me about that degree is the capability to psychoanalyse anyone and everyone and even myself; no one wants that.
I don't want to spend days at home and pointless hours studying, i just want to help people. I just spent the last hour (it's now 1 am) going over and writing a fair bit into my sisters English assignment. I've been doing this kinda stuff since grade 10. Apparently i have a moral obligation to help my sister or so mum believes. She's like me, she leaves it to last minute. Though one thing differs. Grade 8 and 9 i would cry or fake ill or fake a injury to get out of school and work on the assignment after taking a nap and playing some PlayStation 2. Senior i just manned up and did the shit as late as required. My parent's weren't that great in English so i had to myself, something i need to teach my sister. Though she's family and i can't say no; I'd feel far to horrible if i let her fail.
Work has been pretty great. Like I'm getting more hours and whatnot but i don't like the reason why. I don't like the fact that someone has to get injured so i can work. Though this has given me a opportunity to prove myself. I closed by myself without anyone on Monday. As far as i know only Pete and Michael close solo. I took about a hour and a half just because i was so paranoid about it, even though Pete had told me to go. There was a balance irregularity which i didn't enjoy especially because no one knew what went wrong with it. I also decided to clean up, how ironic considering the state of my room.
I'm trying to a better person. I'm getting my shit together because no one wants to hear someone complain about their life when they have the capability to fix it themselves. Chances are if you complain about something you also have the ability to fix it, you're just lacking the motivation. Today I gave my mum money so she could buy herself new shoes. She keeps on spending money on other people and it's putting her in debt, i didn't care how much the shoes were. She really liked them so i gave her the means to buy them. Money is nothing when you get to see someone you care smile.
"This is my story"
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Teenage Dirtbag
So life has been pretty bland as of late. Today was horrible. Dad would not get off my cause. He wanted to abuse everything and anything around. I got a lecture because i didn't finish my lunch. He's made the same people who knows how many times for the past year, and i will always eat the same amount. He threw a fit cause he couldn't close the door. I snickered quietly. I haven't talked to him all day. Fuck off seriously.
No uni work today, no surprise. I was going to attempt a podcast but i found out I had to listen to it at Uni. So I'll be making the effort to go in tomorrow. Tepanyaki will quell my troubles. Work's been so so as of late. New Guy, i have nothing against him except the fact that I've been there 4 months and he's getting double the shifts i am; poor guy he only has a full time job and all.
I took home Devil Kings and Pokemon Soulsilver in Japanese, they make me feel better. I have to work on cheering up. I just can't wait for the weekend so i can go to Christen's and get away from all this. I keep getting told how i was the perfect child growing up in comparison to some of my cousins. Yeah, I don't have a criminal record, i don't do drugs, etc. Though i have one thing, a secret. It's insignificant in my opinion but it'll crush their worlds. I guess i wouldn't be so hardcore if i didn't have something i was intending in taking to the grave. We'll i don't want to, but as things are looking i don't intend on sharing it.
Grading this weekend. Not excited. Granted i am getting better but i still hate the whole progress. Road trip will be alright i guess, last one wasn't to bad but it's like i don't know these guys outside of training so i don't know what to say. I really hope i don't have to preform the demo material. Its a One vs One vs One choreographed fight. I know who'll ill be grouped with, and i know they won't know the moves and i know I'll stand there looking like a complete twat. Oh i get to get dropped during the One vs One, that'll be degrading and what not, yay Dejan.
Party boat was nice, good to see Flick, Bianca D, Tammi, Anna and Caela. Nice to see high school people you never 'hung out' with (Flick aside) and you're still able to maintain a conversation. Like, Me and Anna were Civic Buddies in grade 10 and we still recall that, Bianca and I both do law and are facebook rant buddies (Oh i was so impressed cause i was writing 'Me and Bianca' and i was like no, grammar power up), i knew Caela from drama and me and Tammi randomly bump into each other.
Regardless as of late, life hasn't been so great. I theres a certain girl out there who's having it a lot harder because of illness i wasn't aware off till she told me and her blogs make me feel sad because i care about her so. It's blogs like those that make me feel shitty about the person i am, but hey they help with the self-reflection.
Oh, Obi-Wan take me with you.
Please.
No uni work today, no surprise. I was going to attempt a podcast but i found out I had to listen to it at Uni. So I'll be making the effort to go in tomorrow. Tepanyaki will quell my troubles. Work's been so so as of late. New Guy, i have nothing against him except the fact that I've been there 4 months and he's getting double the shifts i am; poor guy he only has a full time job and all.
I took home Devil Kings and Pokemon Soulsilver in Japanese, they make me feel better. I have to work on cheering up. I just can't wait for the weekend so i can go to Christen's and get away from all this. I keep getting told how i was the perfect child growing up in comparison to some of my cousins. Yeah, I don't have a criminal record, i don't do drugs, etc. Though i have one thing, a secret. It's insignificant in my opinion but it'll crush their worlds. I guess i wouldn't be so hardcore if i didn't have something i was intending in taking to the grave. We'll i don't want to, but as things are looking i don't intend on sharing it.
Grading this weekend. Not excited. Granted i am getting better but i still hate the whole progress. Road trip will be alright i guess, last one wasn't to bad but it's like i don't know these guys outside of training so i don't know what to say. I really hope i don't have to preform the demo material. Its a One vs One vs One choreographed fight. I know who'll ill be grouped with, and i know they won't know the moves and i know I'll stand there looking like a complete twat. Oh i get to get dropped during the One vs One, that'll be degrading and what not, yay Dejan.
Party boat was nice, good to see Flick, Bianca D, Tammi, Anna and Caela. Nice to see high school people you never 'hung out' with (Flick aside) and you're still able to maintain a conversation. Like, Me and Anna were Civic Buddies in grade 10 and we still recall that, Bianca and I both do law and are facebook rant buddies (Oh i was so impressed cause i was writing 'Me and Bianca' and i was like no, grammar power up), i knew Caela from drama and me and Tammi randomly bump into each other.
Regardless as of late, life hasn't been so great. I theres a certain girl out there who's having it a lot harder because of illness i wasn't aware off till she told me and her blogs make me feel sad because i care about her so. It's blogs like those that make me feel shitty about the person i am, but hey they help with the self-reflection.
Oh, Obi-Wan take me with you.
Please.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Another teenagers ramblings
Current Mood: Apathetic.
Relax this isn't one of those my life is horrible, 'I don't want to live any more' blogs. In contrary it's more of a 'I want to live more' blogs. Life's been alright as of late, not depressing nor exciting. Like there have been many event's, let us ponder for a bit.
Uni has started up. Not the best start. Uni books have been purchased and well they've been a set back really (financially). Uni has begun. First day back i did what anyone would have done, i organised a hang out with friends i haven't seen since Uni finished in 2009. I came back to find people who still remembered who i was. This has made tutorials a lot easier well more tolerable. I found my little Uni group and we just basically resumed laughing and mucking around like we didn't even have the four month break. Though I've already missed more than my fair share of lectures. I haven't listened to the pod casts like i said i would, though no real surprise if you know me really. This will be a long year.
For over the past 3 months i have at least spent one day a week if not the entire weekending in Carindale. Last year i reconnected with my friend Sara and ever since i have been at her boyfriends house hanging out with them, my sister and Glen and a few other people. They're pretty awesome, I've found that people i went to school don't really do anything on the weekend or just don't invite me. I'm fine either way, I've made a group of friends that i can just go see when ever i want. Though it's not the person i am, I've still have little voice in the back of my head that wants me to be friends with everyone.
Work's been well work. It's still fun and I like it there and wouldn't want to work anywhere else. There's just a few things that get me down about it, just when you pick up on your flaws or people point them out. The worst part is when the flaw's are insinuated and just die a little.
Today i met up with Lauren. We went shopping and laughed. I criticized everything she wanted to buy. It was pretty awesome. I got drenched on my way to Uni and spent the first hour and a half in an air conditioned room. I think my tutor thinks I'm incapable of doing this subject, I'm sick of her talking to me in a condescending tone. I've decided to be a little bit honest with the class so what, i admitted to doing things last minute. You asked the question and now you judge me. Found out someone deleted me off facebook I know it sounds childish. I may have had feelings for this person. Oh well, doubt you ever acknowledged my existence. I'll get better, I'll do things my way, accomplish my goals and make you remember who i was.
Time to clear my mind so i can get some sleep, perhaps some meditation is in order?
Relax this isn't one of those my life is horrible, 'I don't want to live any more' blogs. In contrary it's more of a 'I want to live more' blogs. Life's been alright as of late, not depressing nor exciting. Like there have been many event's, let us ponder for a bit.
Uni has started up. Not the best start. Uni books have been purchased and well they've been a set back really (financially). Uni has begun. First day back i did what anyone would have done, i organised a hang out with friends i haven't seen since Uni finished in 2009. I came back to find people who still remembered who i was. This has made tutorials a lot easier well more tolerable. I found my little Uni group and we just basically resumed laughing and mucking around like we didn't even have the four month break. Though I've already missed more than my fair share of lectures. I haven't listened to the pod casts like i said i would, though no real surprise if you know me really. This will be a long year.
For over the past 3 months i have at least spent one day a week if not the entire weekending in Carindale. Last year i reconnected with my friend Sara and ever since i have been at her boyfriends house hanging out with them, my sister and Glen and a few other people. They're pretty awesome, I've found that people i went to school don't really do anything on the weekend or just don't invite me. I'm fine either way, I've made a group of friends that i can just go see when ever i want. Though it's not the person i am, I've still have little voice in the back of my head that wants me to be friends with everyone.
Work's been well work. It's still fun and I like it there and wouldn't want to work anywhere else. There's just a few things that get me down about it, just when you pick up on your flaws or people point them out. The worst part is when the flaw's are insinuated and just die a little.
Today i met up with Lauren. We went shopping and laughed. I criticized everything she wanted to buy. It was pretty awesome. I got drenched on my way to Uni and spent the first hour and a half in an air conditioned room. I think my tutor thinks I'm incapable of doing this subject, I'm sick of her talking to me in a condescending tone. I've decided to be a little bit honest with the class so what, i admitted to doing things last minute. You asked the question and now you judge me. Found out someone deleted me off facebook I know it sounds childish. I may have had feelings for this person. Oh well, doubt you ever acknowledged my existence. I'll get better, I'll do things my way, accomplish my goals and make you remember who i was.
Time to clear my mind so i can get some sleep, perhaps some meditation is in order?
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