So it's been a while, unfortunately it hasn't been because I've been overrun with many daunting task but merely because i didn't feel like sharing my current state of mind if the few of you that follow this. I've been down lately. Actually it was kinda a whole that i grew fond off. It wasn't one of those 'oh my life is pointless, it'll never get better, I'm gonna go kill myself now' situations but rather something that required a bit more thought to comprehend.
Uni has started up, already nearly 6 weeks into it. I started this year with absolutely no motivation to continue my degree. I have to do straight law subjects this semester and i hate it beyond words. I hate the legal system, the legal process and most of all legal referencing. I can't wait to get back to my justice and sociological subjects. Don't get me wrong i enjoy uni for hanging out with my friends and having unforgettable and bazaar conversations but it's this semester i have horrid subjects and i just can't get into it. I'm gonna start devising a study plan, I'll use the holidays to catch up on readings and try and boost my marks. I have a interview with my tutor's next week for a second year law subject I'm doing, i regret it so much only because I've only completed one legal subject which was legal foundations. I'm still contemplating changing degrees. Tutor's have been telling me how lawyers have a high divorce rate, suicide rate and what not. I have a tutor who's been a defence attorney her entire life, how she has gotten death threats and at one time was robbed by her own client. I'm still somewhat adamant about a psychology degree or something in that nature. Though one thing that worries me about that degree is the capability to psychoanalyse anyone and everyone and even myself; no one wants that.
I don't want to spend days at home and pointless hours studying, i just want to help people. I just spent the last hour (it's now 1 am) going over and writing a fair bit into my sisters English assignment. I've been doing this kinda stuff since grade 10. Apparently i have a moral obligation to help my sister or so mum believes. She's like me, she leaves it to last minute. Though one thing differs. Grade 8 and 9 i would cry or fake ill or fake a injury to get out of school and work on the assignment after taking a nap and playing some PlayStation 2. Senior i just manned up and did the shit as late as required. My parent's weren't that great in English so i had to myself, something i need to teach my sister. Though she's family and i can't say no; I'd feel far to horrible if i let her fail.
Work has been pretty great. Like I'm getting more hours and whatnot but i don't like the reason why. I don't like the fact that someone has to get injured so i can work. Though this has given me a opportunity to prove myself. I closed by myself without anyone on Monday. As far as i know only Pete and Michael close solo. I took about a hour and a half just because i was so paranoid about it, even though Pete had told me to go. There was a balance irregularity which i didn't enjoy especially because no one knew what went wrong with it. I also decided to clean up, how ironic considering the state of my room.
I'm trying to a better person. I'm getting my shit together because no one wants to hear someone complain about their life when they have the capability to fix it themselves. Chances are if you complain about something you also have the ability to fix it, you're just lacking the motivation. Today I gave my mum money so she could buy herself new shoes. She keeps on spending money on other people and it's putting her in debt, i didn't care how much the shoes were. She really liked them so i gave her the means to buy them. Money is nothing when you get to see someone you care smile.
No comments:
Post a Comment