Life Hmmmmm ? What to do ?
Today kinda destroyed me a little. Father finally got the courage to tell me that hes gonna have reconstructive surgery soon. Our relationship isn't one of secrecy but we always seem to hide the worst from each other, that is definitely one thing i have inherited from him. A couple of months ago i had a conversation in which i said i was afraid of turning into my father but i don't feel that way anymore, if anything he has taught me how one should provide. We've been financially screwed recently, I'm not whining but a lot of people out there are struggling but dad has never let on, i mean he even bought me soundwave tickets. But yeah when he told me, i didn't cry or breakdown like the old Dejan would've. Instead i just felt hollow. I literally felt the oxygen in my body bounce around like i was a flute and someone was blowing in my head.
Like hell I'm scared and will probably break down soon but hey that's life. Something else that's been worrying me is that I've always wanted to pay back my parents for giving me nearly the world and i hate myself and feel completely responsible because my dad is out there doing manual labour so i can stay home and play video games. It's just not right. I am worried that m will to provide for my family will probably lead me into a corporate high paying job so i can help the people i love but lately i feel like that's not where i should be because i know its not gonna be like Boston Legal or Law and Order: SVU which i love so dearly. Lately I've wanted to be a criminal profiler or a federal agent, maybe one day I'll go to America and become the director of the FBI or the CIA and find out all those conspiracies and hope they shed some light on this world, but its all a pipe dream at this stage.
Today kinda destroyed me a little. Father finally got the courage to tell me that hes gonna have reconstructive surgery soon. Our relationship isn't one of secrecy but we always seem to hide the worst from each other, that is definitely one thing i have inherited from him. A couple of months ago i had a conversation in which i said i was afraid of turning into my father but i don't feel that way anymore, if anything he has taught me how one should provide. We've been financially screwed recently, I'm not whining but a lot of people out there are struggling but dad has never let on, i mean he even bought me soundwave tickets. But yeah when he told me, i didn't cry or breakdown like the old Dejan would've. Instead i just felt hollow. I literally felt the oxygen in my body bounce around like i was a flute and someone was blowing in my head.
Like hell I'm scared and will probably break down soon but hey that's life. Something else that's been worrying me is that I've always wanted to pay back my parents for giving me nearly the world and i hate myself and feel completely responsible because my dad is out there doing manual labour so i can stay home and play video games. It's just not right. I am worried that m will to provide for my family will probably lead me into a corporate high paying job so i can help the people i love but lately i feel like that's not where i should be because i know its not gonna be like Boston Legal or Law and Order: SVU which i love so dearly. Lately I've wanted to be a criminal profiler or a federal agent, maybe one day I'll go to America and become the director of the FBI or the CIA and find out all those conspiracies and hope they shed some light on this world, but its all a pipe dream at this stage.
Here i stand, all alone, tonight.
-Madina Lake
I come back to this song a fair but, i am so ecstatic to go see Madina Lake play live next Saturday, I'll be like Karli taking dance lessons with the Dali Lama.
Today would've been easier cause i expected a friend to come over, he didn't so i just generally kept to myself today. The funny thing is i knew he wouldn't, and i expected it, though i guess its kinda easier knowing which people are gonna let you down. There is also someone else that's let me down we would text each other for a couple of hours a day, now she doesn't text me at all, makes me wonder if pursuing that relationship ruined the friendship. Urgh women....
He-man woman haters club - The greatest concept on the world, to bad we all want to get laid.
I wish I had credit so I could text you more. Or you need to get on msn more, either way. I miss talking to Dejan =[ x
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