Rough Night.

I've noticed a change in me, a negative change.
Today i went out to the city and it was pretty sweet hanging with Libby and Sarah.
Though tonight at training, i got hit.
Wasn't a hard hit, and it was my mistake.

But for some reason all i wanted to do was to smack my training partner. This is never been me, I'm the guy who never extends his kicks fully out of fear off hitting someone near me. It's not just in training, in probably the past two weeks when I've done something stupid or said something that was taken out of context all I've wanted to do is to hit someone or replay the situation over and over again in my head where all the people in the scenario get mad at someone else and i end up looking like the good guy.

Whats wrong with me?

I feel at a loss, i don't know what i want from life, though i know i want something big. I also seem to lack the effort to do some. Today at training i could not balance on one leg, man did that piss me off. Even now I'm getting mad because of stupid "Ctrl + random button" faults.

Uni starts in 20 something days, i have my grading in 20 something days. All I'm worried about is fucking up. Though in a sense I'm glad that this kind of stuff is on my mind. For those of you that know me personally i used to have a lot of stuff on my mind that i shouldn't but i don't have those thoughts anymore, i do occasionally but now i have the "strength?" to block them out.

Friends seems to constantly change. I don't mean that in the sense that I'm dropping friends/being dropped even though that may be a little true. But i can think of 7-10 people who have been there for me constantly though i think only 5 of those have never gotten mad at me. Myspace amuses me cause its nice to see when people drop you from the top friends and claim nothing is wrong, you may call me shallow for viewing it this way, but save your strength to mock those that take myspace friend lists so personally.

Also there is a guy, who used to be my best friend who i thought would be my best man at my wedding. Though grade 10 we had a falling out and he soon saw me as his worst enemy and we haven't talked since. Haha first time i cried in high school i think. But yeah Ive been thinking about him and i miss him, haha i miss playing halo with him and my sister, even if i did hate halo. I don't know what to do in the situation, i think he still hates me, maybe ill try talking to him?

So now i am going to turn my computer on, and play with my alter-ego. It might be lame but on there i have a lil group, like the ones we had at school were we just muck around and make fun of each other. Not to mention killing orcs makes me feel better. I'm kidding by the way but i love the way video games can distract me, and if that doesnt work ill just make gay jokes about ryan and pay him out for being british.

This is whitey signing out.