Confounded

Lost
Confused
Scared
Stressed
Angry
Cold
Oblivious

I had a conversation with myself.
Out loud.
Making eye contact with myself in the mirror.
Asking myself who i wanted to be.
What i wanted to be.
What did i want to be doing.
I broke out into song.
Muttering lyrics in hope of epiphanies.
Fist clenched.
Eyes watered.
No tears were shed.
Contradictory statements.
An effortless struggle.
That left me distraught.

90% of my friends are depressed.
I literally do not have time to be depressed myself.
I looked myself in the eye.
Echoed the same propaganda i feed them to make them happy.
Why didn't it work?!
I can pull it from every angle.
The past 5 months have felt like a psychology degree.

I miss my 'fire'..
My passion.
My raw emotion.
My fighter's spirit.

The world still scares me.
And I don't know if i want to fight to conform.
Kevin Rudds green trading scheme delay angers me.
The notion of the Chinese empire scares me.
Why don't i have the willpower to do anything about it?

I know what I want to do with myself.
I don't know what i want to do with my life.
I tell no one because i know what will happen.
Ridicule.

I just want to find my feet.

"I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering
what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposter's everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by a deadly crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one to notice?
I can't be the only one who's learned"