If this is it

Good news never goes unchallenged.

I hate the fact it appears as no one will let you be happy.
I've lined up my week with a bit of fun.
Today, coming to uni was the biggest mistake.
I've come to realise how much people love to bitch.
My uni group has decintergrated.
And ironically people blame me for it.
It's pointless, i know people are bitching about me.
I'm over it, i don't care.
You lose friends ever day.
I'm gonna try and focus on the positives.
Hopefully tomorrow will be kick ass.

Regardless, i've set a goal.
You know the get in shape by summer ones.
That we generally give up on because the heat makes us lazy.
70kg by Summer.
Gonna get back into my old exercise routine.
Gonna try and eat healthier.
I'm gonna go cold turkey on Coke.
& try to kick my nutella addiction.
Maybe give Tofu a go.
Ha, tofu, like that will ever happen.
Time to go research.
& resist all urges to make a huge as book fort.

Where am i going?

Last night i wanted to write this cause i was feeling something.

That indescribably feeling, where you think you can fly.
Newton Faulkner is a legend.
'If this is it' made me think about so much.
I'm rethinking my life.

I haven't been the best friend.
That kills me.
I complain about certain people who don't stay in touch.
What if there's someone out there that does the same 'bout me.
I don't know.

The thing that kills me the most.
Is how much time i have given to my friends,
& not the family.
After drinking with the cousins, i see what i miss out on.
I know they think of me as 'the little one'.
It's not what i think of myself.
But still.

This weekend i'm gonna do something i've been fearing.
I'm gonna go visit my cousin in prison with his wife.
I know its sad to say, i haven't gone.
& hes been in there for five months.
The one thing that i fear the most.
Is letting him see me cry.

Training on saturday was awe inspiring.
All the guys aside from like 3 others are fasting.
It was nice to be welcomed into their culture.
Their prayers are beautiful.

Like i can't understand a word.
But there's just something about the singing.
My sparing partner is working to memorise the Koran.
Just him walking around recalling it word for word.
Much more than i could do, to be sure.

Today, i've reaffirmed my belief in fate.
I won't say why but you never know.

150

Doesn't feel like that many blogs

It's not really that many blogs either

Last night i hit the coast for my cousins gf's bday

Haha ridding there with family predrinking was hilarious

I'm quite glad i made the decision to go

The party was kinda awkward
Everyone knew everyone, aside from me
Everyone was over 25 aside from me
Everyone there was coupled, aside from me
So i just drank alone to pass the time
Till they started talking about video games
Boy did i laugh, trying not to let on how much i play
But after a while, when everyone got drunk
It was nice, i made small talk
Caught up with my family
I found it weird when Serbians get drunk
They speak English, occasionally breaking off
I got home at 3, wasn't that bad
Though my head hurts
& in one hour i have to go to training
FML
Also i have to stop drinking before i go to bed
Seriously having some fucked up dreams

Punching bag

Today i got my ass handed down to me

by a 100kg man

that punched, kicked and elbowed me

from one side of the room to the other

though to be honest it's the best Avro I've had in a while

I'm not stressed, nor angry.

I'm happy.

mas Adam is awesome

he spent a few years in a remote Japanese villi age

teaching English

and hes helping me find a job

hes a legend in my view

so basically every Thursday

till the end of Ramadan

I'm gonna get bashed.

oh well, beats uni

Prost

I haven't written in a while.

A dear friend recently told me,

it's hard to pretend to be happy

agreed.

reason why we haven't blogged.

though watching scrubs

i awed

and remembered a lesson

the lesson on small every day victories

good ol' scrubs

today i read my study guide

decided to look up the PowerPoint

and you know what

struggling with torts

i succeeded

i understood

i read the case

i interpreted the relevant legislation

i got cases to support my actions

and wrote down legal recommendations

to two possible actions my 'client' could sue for

victory is mine

tomorrow I'm contemplating sitting in the front row

as corny as it sounds

side note to Libby.
stop dating guys from QUT

i saw Dan and blazing inferno

in the same day

i saw the roses, i wanted to hit him

though i was late for a tut

I feel like I'm not as connected with my friends

though one thing still remains
i have the ability to make people laugh
and i enjoy knowing i can do that
and I've come to realise my friends are awesome

even the new ones
maybe i should smile a little more

A bear of a horse.

So this is life.

Bad/Good News.

I didn't get youth allowance.
Even though my parents make under the set limit.
Our rent's increasing $45 a fortnight.
I have yet to find a job.
I hate law.
We'll legal foundations.
I can't do my dream career.
I'm consistently late to classes; cause i don't care.
I don't talk to any of my school friends.
We'll that's a lie, but like 3/20
(that i want to talk to)
Don't get me wrong, uni friends are awesome.
Just wanted to maintain those HS friendships.
To those that do make a effort to text me

or talk to me when I'm on msn, thank you.

Good news.
I don't hate torts.
Ekka was awesome.
I got a ff7 poster which make me smile.
Things at uni have settled down.
I found out You me at Six is playing at SW'10.
So tickets is a must =)
& a cousin got married, he looks happy.

Not in much of a writing mood lately.

Waste my time

I'm quite frankly at a loss.
it seems the one thing that would always make me happy.

last night made me more frustrated than ever.

i find myself unable to get over it.

I'm still angry now, and I'm forced into assignments.

I'm pissed off i seem to keep on disappointing people.

i don't want to, it just happens.

regardless how unreasonable peoples expectations seem to be.

my brain for some reason seems to back them up.

i don't want to change my life.

i want to keep on doing the things that make me happy.

but why must they all make the people i care about unhappy.

Swallow your pride and ego.

Re:Period of Indifference

Quite the original title, wouldn't you say.

The first part of this blog will be dedicated to a certain someone.
Then i shall go on to expand on the majority and what not.

Dearest Chum;

You've always been awkward in conversations.
It's what makes talking to you all that much more fun.
Because you can not have a normal mainstream conversation

That consists on how was your day,& then slowly expanding on it.

If you do attempt to change, i will punch you in the uterus.

It's not really a period of indifference in my opinion.
Its the mindless drowning on uni work.
Uni while it may be a great experience and what not.
It is a black hole that drains your emotions.
I've come to the conclusion that i always appear disgruntled.
Especially on public transport; or in Queen Street.
I don't mean to look at people displeased.
Its like a facial twitch.

I don't even know why i do it.
I'll do it even if I've had a great day.

It's just university life;

It's probably the reason why adults never look happy.


Side note:
My dreams of being a criminal profiler = fail.
Talked with a guest lecturer today.
He said one can't make that career in Australia.
So I have to rethink my degree.

Truth of the world

Everyone is two faced.
I don't mean this as a criticism.
Mealy as a observation.
Sure we all recall two faced people in fights.
We don't acknowledge it as a social construct.

I refer to my 'split-personality'.
I know it exist, i am fine with it.
Sometimes we play sudoku together.
I just want to know if everyone is aware of their one.
How it differs from you're everyday self.
I think when i have conversations with someone.
It may be a emotional one or just a good conversation.
The next day the person will contradict what they stand for.
I know who you are, looking at me sighing defectively.
I am aware i do it to.

So i purpose a question to you;
Who is your split-personality and what is their agenda?

false pretense

This has been someone what of a tiring week

& I've been just choking on various emotions

so i decided not to write anything

Uni - Weird - Not fun - Fail
Literature view; about as fun as being reared by a rouge elephant

Fuck you JSB177
My 177 hates men/me
She a fugly arrogant cow with braces

Not looking forward to it

Josh is rad, he makes me laugh
Thank god hes in 177
He understands why i hate people

Training was amusing last week
I over think everything, like my life
That was taken away from me
We didn't look at theory, or combinations
Side A smack Side B
I was consistently side B
So i could stop thinking
I got punched kicked and what not
It was fun in a sense
Got rid of some tension

Uni staff is urgh
"dedicate your life to us yee mindless spawn"
I had a clash in a tutorial
Well a clash + being in a group with people who dislike me
I wasn't allowed to get out of it cause it wasn't life/death
So I am now participating in a 6 month endurance test

Once again a friend falls for my charm

Why am i such a babe; sigh
I hate rejecting people
I feel like a horrible person
Dating friends only turns out bad
People fail to comprehend that

Also women shit me off
Not this one i was just referring to
Talking about mindless hoes that find love in a week
I read my sisters contact list;

Get the fuck off slags
Seriously My one and only at 14
I'd turkey slap you if it wasn't classified as pedophilia
So i might go around punching people in the face
Just people in general; msn = fail
When someone asks you out, its not a declaration of love

It's a sublet invitation to see your vagina.

Currently listening to:
"This a story of a girl - Nine Days"
& its making me think of someone
not someone i want to bag
but someone who's hand i want to hold
she doesn't notice me
ok she does cause i make scenes

still, out of my league

/sigh

i'm over sex.
i dunno why.
been 3 weeks now?
bad when you can't recall
but yeah, no real interest.

ignite = epic
proud to call you my sister
my miming clown is all grown up
i miss drama

the performances
while i was quite envious of her

i was proud to see her on that stage

I met her friends; oh how shes changed

socially and all that

though they like me; like 99%
so that's all good

xbox dearest;

i want to punch you in the uterus

work mother fucker!

so glad to be back online

i missed those folks

nice to have someone with life experience to help you out

i rejoined a dynamis group
(no one will know that means)
all in all its like a 3 hour event that happens twice a week
20-45 people come to play co-op to blow shit up

kill various things and win shiny new gear for our characters

nerdy i know, but i'm quite the hardcore kid

Wednesday = Red Cliff
f.i.n.a.l.l.y!

I also succeeded in a aspect of life
Regardless that i may just be a stepping stone
But i manged to socialise the anti-social
Sharp wit became entertaining sarcasm

Dejan ftw.

I've been worn out.
Both physically and mentally

Everyone got into fights
Myself included
Then two people died
Not people i knew directly

So i found myself consoling

I don't mind it
Just need to somehow figure out how to deal with everything.

I want to hit someone in the face
I'm pretty sure i know who

i had a kick arse quote here;

though i got this thought in the back of my mind

that if i leave it here, it'll bring forth judgement day
don't judge me cause I'm superstitious

no fat chicks

Road Trip

over all it was fun.

the way there was remotely awkward

me and libby still not knowing all that much about dan

and it's been a while since i talked with tim

but it was fun, we got lost

like all road trips

we saw ourselves leaving civilisation

from bustling cities to cows, paddocks and dirt

lots and lots of dirt

we hit a semi casino

the rsl club

and many fast food outlets

cause Warwick fails with entertainment

we hung out with mel's fam

watched movies

hit nature up for a few waterfalls

ate too much junk food

Saturday night was shit

i wanted to go home prematurely

it seems regardless of what i said

someone would have a go at me

digestive problems didn't help

stupid Warwick chicken satay

tim and dan were preoccupied to talked

so i sat on the couch away from everyone

thinking of who to text

after coming to the conclusion

the people i wanted to talk to were either

a) out of credit/never had it in the first place

b) dealing with shit of their own

i didn't bother and just started thinking

i've come to the conclusion that no one knows me

i mean in the sense i've never told someone 100% of the story

i guess in a sense it is a defensive mechanism

after all its the ones we hold close and tell things to

that generally do the most damage

it does have its negatives

but i know that people i hold close

like every other person in the world

myself included, is judgemental

we can not deny it, we are judgemental

some obviously more than others

still a lesson i learnt saturday

i'm glad my parents are ignorant when it comes to sexuality

i left my mobile in tims car so he and dan had to come back

we hung out in front of my house for a bit and talked

i'm glad dad didn't say anything;

i hate the: "If you associate with them, you'll become them" talks

Warwick is weird

everyone knows everyone

they hate city folks

appear to have never seen anyone who looks alternative

I saw dirt

many cows

"Wave Mountain"
Learnt a few lessons
Had laughs with two best friends i havent seen in ages
Became closer to people i didn't associate too much in high school

got groped and bitten by a man

and sang a little on the way home

a nice little adventure

now to catch up on uni
(n)