I haven't known how to phrase my thoughts for a while but i think it's time i gave it a go. Lately a lot of things have been on my mind. I've gone from epic highs to indescribable rage. September will be a great month for me. The video game i have been waiting for over a year for will be finally coming out, in the same week my favourite band will be playing in Brisbane. It took me a fair while to get those tickets because the Internet site that you had to purchase them wouldn't let me sign up for an account. Though at the end of that day, i was literally jumping for joy.
Work's definitely hit a high note. Last week i picked up 14 hours. I've come to expect my shifts being extended. I just overly enjoy my job. Last shift i spent two hours being paid to do nothing but sign kids up to play Mario Kart and watch them. I just sat in a chair in front of a television until the music drove me crazy and i swapped with Michael. I've been alphabetising every game in the store. I haven't finished it yet because I've been interrupted with other tasks but for the most part i am content with the amount i have done. Though i am disappoint that my first shift back after i finished alphabetising the majority people have ignored the system we are supposed to use; oh well you can't win them all.
I have a week off work. I've decided to take this week to accomplished a few things before university resumes. I've tired of my self-loathing. I've driven myself into a little facade that's derived from spending time with my friends. As long as i spent time with them, i was happy and therefore forgot about stuff that's been bothering me. No longer. No more self-loathing, I think it's time to harden the fuck up Dejan. Tomorrow is the first challenge. Having to face something I've been putting off for well over two months because i wanted someone there to hold my hand during it. We all make our mistakes, sometimes make them repeatedly. I think it's time i faced my demons. I think there will be rather content if i can fake the criticism, the fear and the horrid memories alone and not have to burden a friend in the process. If such progress is made, i think it's time i tackled a few other things.
Other changes have been rather rampart. I've put more of an initiative to see friends, and it has paid off. I rather love my friends if i do say so. I've also dropped friends. Dropping all contact with a certain person has rather been pleasing. He didn't approve of me deleting him off facebook, i think it was highly ironic considering everything we've been through. I've also come to realise I've been neglecting a fair amount of people that pretty much mean the world to me. Amanda's going away party was definitely a highlight of the holidays. This evening resulted in Amanda rolling on the floor laughing after her parents examined the gift i had given her. I was out back trying to relieve the pressure form my ribcage from many lol's. Catching up with friends from school has definitely been amazing, even though there are still many more friends i need to hang out with.
I'm sure there are plenty of other things i need to address. Though right now i really can't think. Taking things one day at a time when you have a large sum of things on your plate tends to block ones ability to think ahead. I would like to thank music for my recent change in attitude. There is always one song that someone affects you, this song in particularly has just made me realise to take a step back and look at the things in regards to the big picture.
The song is called 'We All Rock Along' by The Maine. The lyrics in particular that just make me forget everything on my mind are part of the chorus;
'We're alive and we drive to the centre of it. Where we know know we're all fine and this just can't be it. And in the end we all know we only breathe for so long, so tonight's the night we all roll along.' - The Maine.
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