Woosa

I'm calm, relax I've done ranting. As of late I've seemed to piss a few people off. Fair few occasions it was a double sided thing. I've decided to get over it pretty fast i mean whats the point. If i mope around all day my life won't achieve anything. Yesterday i learnt something about friendship. You know yourself that you are willing to go out of your way to help a friend out, yesterday i learnt that i have a few friends that are willing to do the same for me.

One of those people is Lauren. I told Lauren what happened, she comforted me, she made me laugh. She thought the fact that i was fuming over what some fat girl i went to school with that serves no purpose in my life; the realisation of this made me laugh out loud in return. Lauren called me 15 minutes later and told me to come outside, i didn't know why, i was somewhat anxious. It turns out Lauren had driven to my house to give me comfort Brownies. Oh we laughed, and I'm grateful to have a friend like her, and quite frankly many others.

Work was something today. We had to tackle what i call 'Mount Preplayed'. It was a process that seemed to go on longer than the extended versions of the Lord of the Rings movies. I had a lot of fun working with Michael. We speak the same language, we think the same. We set tasks and we complete them. Today we managed to organise all the games in the store within a hour; a task we anticipated would take much longer. He told me he liked working with me because i got things done. I dunno what happened, i saw what he was attempting to do and i replicated, before i knew it the work was done. After Natalie showed up and we laughed a bit me and Michael went out back to deal with a sum of 180 games or so. We spent a hour working, we went through maybe 60% of the games. It was a gruelling process and it was driving me insane, we still laughed about it non the less. We got coffee to motivate us. Then Michael started mocking my vagina because i got heart-congestion's. I'm pretty sure he spiked it in a effort to render me unconscious so he could have his way with me. After all the whole time he was giving me pet names which he alternated with insults just to keep things fresh. One thing i can count on Michael for is sound logical advice, he's a realist so i find it quite easy to talk to him about things.

I'm going on 3 hours of sleep and caffeine, needless to say I'll be crashing pretty soon. I had to work an extra 2 hours which i did not anticipate. This meant one thing, i wasn't going to finish my assignment tonight. This is the first assignment in my university degree that i won't be handing in on time. The worst thing is that I'm somewhat ok with it. Trust me i do have a underlying sense of shame about it. I've come to realise that I'll lose 10%. When you think 10% you think oh god, when you realise that it's only 3/30 marks you wonder if it's worth it. I've come to realise that i have a low sense of self-belief when it comes to uni. I was pondering whether it was worth it because i didn't think i would get more than 15. There actually is a chance i might do better than that. I'll spend all of tomorrow doing it, and tonight (as much as i can before i pass out).

Something also happened yesterday, out of no where after i finished work a friend who i have not spoken to in well 11 months or so called me. He wanted to reconnect, we spent half a hour or so chatting on the phone. We're hanging out Wednesday and he's invited me to the vale on Friday so i can formally meet his girlfriend. It's strange how things work out. Time does really test everything, i guess you lose some friends, you gain some friends, but there are just people that stick by you. I'm also quite excited that I'll be spending time with Ms Fletcher once again. She's roped me into save the world event. Quite frankly i love her for it, there aren't that many people out there that are instigating change, and i am quite honoured that she would invite me to join such causes. We're not going to be solving problems in the middle east or removing Mugabe from power, but it's an event that could save someones life, even ones enough.

'Revenge loves company, three makes it a crowd' - You me at six.

Rage some more

Dear Stalker. Fuck off. Seriously simple as that.

I friend alerted me to the fact that someone i used to know was bitching about me on facebook with a good friend. Clearly because you were the epitome of maturity. It's about the fact that I've started quoting myself. Apparently it makes me self-absorbed. It really couldn't be because i think in third person and right down what i think about certain things. Like accomplishing a task or a conversation with a friend where i had an Epiphany.

Apparently it's egotistical to reflect on your mood. I used to read your blogs. Emo shit this, i hate my life that, someone please end it because no one loves me. You drop that shit in grade 8 and move on. I did, i forgot about you, you were insignificant to me as you were to probably many other people.

I have friends now, happy friends. Friends that i can hang out and introduce others to and don't have to be ashamed of them. It's what i wanted out of life. It's what i achieved. If you don't like me, the way i write, don't stalk me and then whinge. It's childish. I don't enjoy getting mad at fiends because of you, it's frustrating being angry at someone you care about, someone you went to school with and have all these inside jokes and all that kind of shit. It hurts, but what can you do.

Now I'm going to go back to my uni assignment because I'm actually doing something with my life; hope that you won't stalk me anymore and in about 24 you'll once again be insignificant.

& Rage

If there are any spelling or grammatical errors in this blog; forgive me I'm doing this before work so i don't forget about things that happened on the weekend.

Me and the guys and Christen's mum had much of a socio-political discussion this weekend. It's been brought to my attention and by other people and even a facebook group that Generation Y is the 'generation of alcoholics' as facebook would put it. OK i understand that there are a lot of binge drinkers who live on the doll, it's a social issue revolving around which geographic area you live in. The Upper/Middle/Lower class's still apply in modern day society. Ben came into work about two weeks ago and we discussed how we are different from the people that live in Browns Plains. You just have to work there a week and you release that people act, dress, even use a different vocabulary to you. One thing he pointed out is 'People here would rather live on the doll instead of work, while me and you would rather do a shit job for a low pay just so we can earn for ourselves'. It's true, sometimes i get angry cause I don't like the fact that people on the doll are getting more than me, but then again i have a sense of pride when i get my paycheck and can afford to go out with friends or something.

If Generation Y really is the drinking generation that i would bluntly and honestly say that the next Generation is one of low morals. It really disgusts me. I'm sick of seeing Grade 8's smoking cigarettes like candy. I have friends that smoke, this isn't a smoking rant. When we were in Grade 8 it was simply unacceptable, you would litter ally have to go to some secluded space to give it a go (This is not personal experience, to this day i have not ever touched a cigarette). Though these days you can do it anywhere, even in a school uniform and no one says anything. Attire is also something that kills me. Girls these days dress like whores. It's disgusting. Yesterday me and a friend went to pick up my sister from a movie. I saw what kids were wearing, their in high school so their kids. I rolled my eyes, i saw my sisters skirt, i felt nauseous. I know what it was like to be a 15 year old boy, you're not commenting on her outfit cause it looks nice, you're thanking society for eliminating the need for softcore porn. The thing that gets me the most is the fact that i can not say anything, because EVERY other girl her age is wearing the same thing. This falls on principles of parenting, yes all your daughters friends are wearing clothes like this, though this outfit is probably is going to get your daughter free drugs and alcohol, she might have to sell herself a little but it's ok, cause everyone else is doing it. The thing that pains me the most is, what my 19 year old male friends think when they see it. This isn't a blog targeted at my sister, it's a blog targeted at society for making my sister conform. You can give lectures about being an individual, but chances are if everyone is doing it, and you don't do it to some degree you become a social outcast and no one wants that.

I know that that at some stage in 50 years the Internet still exist and someone comes across this blogs, they'll probably think ; 'What was he Islamic? Wanting to robe all women?" To be honest i would love to have the authority to robe every woman under the age of 18.

'All change is not growth, all movement is not forward' - Ellen Glasgow.

Enough social ranting for the time being. My weekend was fun. One thing I've come to notice is that i can't deal with quiet in my house anymore. After spending weekends and even a week at a friends house I've come accustomed to noise. I can't deal with the deathly silence of my room. I'm going to go on a music downloading spree cause my soundtracks are getting annoying. Things have changed with the friendship group in regards to previous blogs. Things are somewhat divided, it's like an unofficial agreement to not talk about the said topic. I'm going to have to change my vocabulary. Apparently i use too many big words, i worry that if i don't I'll forget what they mean. I know you might think it's something silly, but if it creates discomfort with friends I'll discard certain words or just put them aside for blogs, either way. Uni is still killing me. I just want to cry but that was Wednesday night; over that shit. I'm going to have to start emailing intelligence organisations to try and organise face to face chat's so i can find out some information about career opportunities. The Career Guidance counsellor did help but not in the way i expected. I'm still utterly lost but i have some idea which direction is north. If you get the analogy. I'll probably recall things and add them to either a later blog tonight or tomorrow. It's time for work kids. I've also decided I'm going to start doing chores around the house. Like when i go to Christens I'll wash their dishes at least twice. Only because Glen decides to do them and i don't think someone should have to clean other peoples shit by themselves, though I've started thinking, why wash someones dishes when only like 7% of them are yours and at home 25% are yours. I know my parents raised me not to do chores because well i don't know why, any reason i come up is hypocritical to theirs, so I'm just going to do it. They will complain, but they'll get over it.

'The hardest thing about friendship, is not taking something personally' - Dejan Tomasovic.

10:37

And there are just sometimes, you just don't know what to do, cause everyone is busy. There is no quote that will make you feel better about a situation you can't control, so you suck it up like a man, and sit down and cry like a pregnant lady.

Undisclosed titles

Today was something, university was university. I struggled to get up, to wake up. I was reluctant to go to uni, i got bored and almost fell asleep in 2/3 tutorials, constantly yawning (always seemed to be at the point where the tutor would look at me).

I did something i set out to do a while ago. It was a meager goal if a goal at all. It was really a challenge to my ego from a friend. She stated she had a winning rate of 50% on solitaire, i was somewhat crushed by what was 27% or so. So i declared i would catch up to her and overtake her. One month and 260 games of mobile solitaire i have done it, i have achieved my 50% winning ratio. I was a little smug, after all it was something i was working towards. So i updated Facebook (Karli Fletcher, don't judge me).

One thing surprised me, someone told me my status was brilliant and asked if she could replicate it. I revisited it, and i was kind of like, wow that's actually somewhat poetic.

'A task, regardless how tiny, once accomplished is still an achievement'. - Dejan Tomasovic.

I had to reorganise itunes, for some reason it refilled my list with pretty much ever and any song i have ever played on the computer. I had to go and delete 300+ songs but oh well. I think I'm going try and become a little bit more goal orientated. I still need to write my list of goals. I think I'll do that tomorrow. I have my meeting with a careers guidance counsellor. I'm frightened. I don't know why, it's illogical. This person is supposed to inform me on possible career paths.

I think my fear stems from the fact that what if i don't like the job I intend on getting with my justice degree? What do i do then? Obviously i would probably have to go back to university, i would cry a fair bit too. I have some idea on how it's going to turn out, in the long run or possibly even short run I'll have have to talk to unit coordinator's. I don't know, i don't like talking to people about gigantic life decisions, especially if i don't know the person that well.

Hey Dejan?
What Mr Conscience?
Would you like a nice glass of harden the fuck up?
Sure!

Well you get the general idea. So now I'm going to focus on my next goal, start my final assignment. I hate memorandums. The goal of tonight is to finish off the research for my assignment, so i can start writing it tomorrow. While watching Juno, which is somewhat horrifying but a decent movie non the less.

'If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.' - Henry David Thoreau.

Just a blog really

Ok there are going to a be a lot of things in this blog, won't be just your standard one topic blog i generally tend to do. First of all, grammar and spelling. I understand that people tend to abbreviate things to shorten sentences, i understand in texting, but when you're talking to someone it's just disgusting. Like using made up abbreviations such as 'mora', no learned person would consider that as a shortened version of the word tomorrow. I understand that this person is still in high school but he is also 17. Also a person I went to school with, i know i don't really like you, i had anything to do with you, but when i see you type something like, "HOLLA BACK AT YO GURL" it makes me wonder; when and why is there a need to talk like a dyslexic ethnic American prostitute working for her 2 minutes of fame on Jerry Springer?

'Evolution, unwanted, frustrating, stressful, necessary' - Dejan Tomasovic.

I have changed so much, especially over the past six months. I noticed this change a while ago, i just didn't know what to do with it, so i just kind of went with it. I mean what do you do when you release your changing as a person? The change i guess could be somewhat predetermined, i decided i wanted to be like someone, i didn't go out of my way to be like them, i just admired them for their morals and what not. Some while ago i realised there was no point in attempting to duplicate myself, i changed for my own purposes.

If you asked me to do things I've been doing as of late last year i probably would've questioned your sobriety. One thing that's changed more than anything is my standard of friendship. I guess in a sense I've come to expect a lot more. 2009 i was the quiet kid, i was the one that spend at least three hours a day playing online games. I miss it all, don't get me wrong, i made some great friends on FFXI. This is probably where my parent's need to evolve. I'm not the gamer anymore, mum knows this but she and dad still worry about me, especially in the uni regard.

Though these days I seem to dropping everything for friends. Friendship - Running after someone at 3.30am because they were angry, walking in a singlet in freezing temperature in silence for 10 minutes because they didn't want to talk and awaiting your opportunity to comfort them while walking through wet grass barefoot. (Dejan Tomasovic, last weekend).

I've been dropping uni more and more, even assessment because a friend was in need of well a friend. I've become the group mediator. I've tried to fix things so much over the past two weeks, my study has going so downhill. I got my first piece assessment back which i failed. At first i was disappoint, i ate comfort teppanyaki. Though in the long run, i helped a friend out; it was worth it and i would probably do it again.

I'm somewhat upset about recent events. One thing i have stood by is never allowing a relationship to ruin a friendship. I found out two people in my little friendship group had something, i don't know but something. I found out the person had a thing for me and my best friend. I instantly distanced myself from the situation, i would never think to hurt a friend. Though another person came into the picture, he didn't share the ideals as me. In the long run I've lost two friends, I'm sad though sometimes you just can't force people to do things your way. How it'll end, i don't know.

One thing still remains, this ungodly, never ending fear of a certain topic. I don't like having this freak outs. I hate having to conceal them but i would never want to tell people when I'm having it. Especially if it happens in regards to do something stupid, like watching Lord of the Rings. I want to watch and and laugh at the fact that Adrian and Glen can quote it, not having to worry about it.

Though i have to ask a question, at what stage should we stop evolving?

'Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process' - Anne Wilson Schaef.

Persuit of Happiness

So last night was Jono's birthday. I rocked up after work with Amanda and Amy. I was worried about the awkward 'meet everyone phase'. We turn up and the music is blaring. I walk in the door, and i see nearly everyone is drunk, the boys have their pants off and their just dancing the night away. At this stage, I'd like to introduce Amanda.

Though things just went off. There were a few hitches but i refuse to talk about it. Two exciting things happened that night. First off all, Me and Glen finally got drunk together. I have a high tolerance when it comes to alcohol and i tend to sober up faster than most, the whole being raised with spirits eastern-europe thing (it does have it's flaws when it comes to parties). A lot of grinding, man on man action, Dejan calling for Amanda's assistance in the rape situation but Amanda not coming because she thought i just might enjoy getting tag-teamed by two guys. We called a maxi-taxi after we were well gone, a photo shoot in the back and we were at the Stock Exchange. We danced our little hearts out, I was buying the drinks and it was just fun. I met a fair amount of people, they've been added to facebook; now just waiting on the photos. The other highlight was Adrian coming with us, he's the quiet kid, seeing him do the robot in the corner just made me laugh so much; not in a judgemental way.

I just had so much fun, i know i was drunk, i spent the night yelling at a girl threatening to end her for taking my women away. Though when you're on a high, with a group of friends, just dancing and trying to out do each other you just can't help but be happy. I know it probably won't happen again for a while, but that was most definitely the best night of my life this year, maybe for a few years.

Most people are only as happy as they make their minds out to be - Abraham Lincoln.