So i don't have many conversations with my father, i know its a fact. It is one of those I'm not the son he envisioned. I hate generally all sports, I'm not in a steady relationship and don't really have that many career aspirations. Though there are some things we get along. I come home today after uni and we discuss work. Work then turns into a discussion on capitalism when then turns into a debate on communism. I love my family sometimes.
I have to prepare myself for sporting events this year. I have two more state of origins i need to sit through. Yay team, there's nothing i like more than 80 minutes of softcore gay porn masquerading as a sporting event. Then i have to endure the world cup. I don't mind soccer so it won't be as bad. Maybe ill just invite Glen over so dad can watch with us, that will give me a reason to incorporate dad into my life in something he enjoys while i hope maybe i can get out of it. I kid i know it won't, a man can dream non the less.
Today marks the end of my legal career. It's not really the end per say because i have four exams within the next two weeks. Though it was a way to end. My exam today was a oral speech. I was prosecuting a mock drug trial. 10 minutes before we started a girl that was sitting in alerted to the fact that i had listened to the wrong lecture. I died. Then when the other guy started his defense speech, he mentioned a act that i had not researched, i had a stroke. I literally wanted to run away. Thank god that act was irrelevant and our tutor told him to disregard it. By the time it was up to me to make my submission i was shaking, i was sweating like i have never before. I'm not a fan of orals but theres just something about a mock trial that just put me on edge. I got told i passed, to be honest i was fine with that. Something got me. The case there was enough reasonable doubt for for a blind man to in a open sporting field. For some reason the person i was up against did not incorporate any of that reasonable doubt. He over thought it which lead to his downfall. Though I've come to realise that i would probably not be cut out for the legal world. I don't think i could actually ever go to trial. Especially if i found myself in a position of which i was prosecuting a man i thought to be innocent which was the case with this weeks example. Though it was definitely a way finish up my legal year. My name is Dejan Tomasovic and i survived a year of a law degree.
I came home and i napped. Today i think i will just relax. I need it. My body is sore. I'm going to do some reading later. Have a early nights sleep. Work tomorrow then I'm going to go see Amanda. This excites me.
Eurovision was fun. It's always something i look forward to. The favourites in order were Moldova, Cyprus, Belgium, Germany and Greece. I disliked Serbia's, basically for the horrible dancing that reminded me of a Toyota commercial and the fact who i was singing it. I've hated Milan Stankovic since his time of Zvezda Granda which is the Serbian equivalent of Idol.
I've also noticed a social change. In regards to teenagers theres been a swap in stereotypes. Girls today are the whores while guys are the ones clingy to relationship and proudly carry the vagina.
'Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths' - Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
"This is my story"
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Testing ones values
This is not going to be a happy blog. So be forewarned. Uni is still uni so i won't restate why it disappoints me. Yesterday i was roped into watching State of Origin because Glen wanted to watch it. It was 80 minutes of guys tackling each other into every sexual position humanly possible. I giggled and pointed out when ever two people went ass to mouth, people lol'd at the realisation. I did not enjoy the game, and was horrified when i found out i have to sit through two more.
Yesterday a friend came home drunk. It's not unusual, he drinks a fair bit. Though I'm accustomed to his happy 'wants to have sex with anything in site' drunk, not the arsehole drunk. I have heard the stories, so in a sense i should have been prepared. He for some reason was angry at everything and anything and decided he was going to drive home intoxicated. From what i heard he had consumed 20+ beers or something like that. I'm use to being the drunk mediator and went to go stop him. Bad call Dejan. Within 3 seconds i was being abused and told to go fuck off. I don't know what happened, i walked away being comfortable with the fact me might go and die. I've dealt with my share of drunks but never with one with absolutely no regard for other people. I felt like absolute shit. Glen commended me on giving it a go. It appears that others are used to this sort of behaviour; i was not. I release there are some friends that i would have stuck around for if the same situation occurred, Glen commented he would slash my tyres if i ever attempted to drive home drunk, i stated i would beat him unconscious if he ever did. I felt somewhat better. This was a small event, that i won't bring up, but my opinion of the said individual has changed a fair bit. I wont mention the events of last night, because i don't want to cause some unnecessary tension with friends, but the same situation repeats itself I'll know not to go and try to help.
I think the silver lining was two friends that were supposed to have tension between them were able to have a conversation, this made me smile. I like friends that are able to get over their differences.
Curse you Amanda for not making yourself available in my hour of need. I shake my fist at you, well i will after i finish typing. I'm tired. I was woken at 5.30 to say by to friends. Then again at 6.45 to have breakfast with Glen. I then resumed my slumber but it's never comfortable on a friends couch. I woke up at 10, cleaned the living room and left. Now to properly start my Fundamentals of Criminal Law assignment.
'Here i am again. And the familiarity feels more uncomfortable than comfortable. It's time to make a change. And, now, I have what we need to make it'. - Jan Denise.
Yesterday a friend came home drunk. It's not unusual, he drinks a fair bit. Though I'm accustomed to his happy 'wants to have sex with anything in site' drunk, not the arsehole drunk. I have heard the stories, so in a sense i should have been prepared. He for some reason was angry at everything and anything and decided he was going to drive home intoxicated. From what i heard he had consumed 20+ beers or something like that. I'm use to being the drunk mediator and went to go stop him. Bad call Dejan. Within 3 seconds i was being abused and told to go fuck off. I don't know what happened, i walked away being comfortable with the fact me might go and die. I've dealt with my share of drunks but never with one with absolutely no regard for other people. I felt like absolute shit. Glen commended me on giving it a go. It appears that others are used to this sort of behaviour; i was not. I release there are some friends that i would have stuck around for if the same situation occurred, Glen commented he would slash my tyres if i ever attempted to drive home drunk, i stated i would beat him unconscious if he ever did. I felt somewhat better. This was a small event, that i won't bring up, but my opinion of the said individual has changed a fair bit. I wont mention the events of last night, because i don't want to cause some unnecessary tension with friends, but the same situation repeats itself I'll know not to go and try to help.
I think the silver lining was two friends that were supposed to have tension between them were able to have a conversation, this made me smile. I like friends that are able to get over their differences.
Curse you Amanda for not making yourself available in my hour of need. I shake my fist at you, well i will after i finish typing. I'm tired. I was woken at 5.30 to say by to friends. Then again at 6.45 to have breakfast with Glen. I then resumed my slumber but it's never comfortable on a friends couch. I woke up at 10, cleaned the living room and left. Now to properly start my Fundamentals of Criminal Law assignment.
'Here i am again. And the familiarity feels more uncomfortable than comfortable. It's time to make a change. And, now, I have what we need to make it'. - Jan Denise.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Live for right now
Where to begin. That's the questions. I still feel at peace, though i know in about two weeks my life will be pulled senselessly in all directions.
I'll start with university. It makes me nauseous, it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about exams and all that. So I've come to realise that my dream working for ASIO as an intelligence officer is probably anything but a short lived fantasy. There are far to many complications for it to be the post-university career/job. Let's reiterate how i came to this decision. First it came as a conversation with Glen. We think the same so he pointed out all the flaws in my plan that my vagina wouldn't let me to come to terms with. ASIO intelligence agents require a year of training in Canberra. As pointed out in previous blogs there is the whole financial issue and the fact that i could not put a career above my friends and family. Silly female reproductive organs. Morally i guess i have good character, that or i lack a spine to do what would be best for me; either way. Glen also pointed out the fact that after that training period i would not be guaranteed the job, this is true; based on my performance i could be even given a job, have my training extended if they were unsure or basically told to go home and wait a period of two years before i can reapply. My lack of self-confidence aside, if i were to be given the job there is no guarantee that i would be allowed to move back to Brisbane, what i didn't realise after reading the job info is that analyst aren't required to move around but it doesn't say where we're allowed to live. If Burn Notice has taught me anything is that your mother can be a valuable asset in the world of intelligence and espionage. So basically I'm back to square one of the university degree/career mind map. Also the stress of university has actually made me put on weight. Relax I'm not pregnant fat (even though that seems to be all the rage with people in my life) I've just put on about 2-3 kilos from could be titled as stress-relieving-procrastination snacks. Food tastes so much better if you're procrastinating to eat it.
This part goes an open invitation. This Thursday i shall be accompanying Karli Fletcher in saving the world. In a sense that's what we're doing, we're gonna be spending an evening packing what i understand to be 'safe-sex' packets (condoms and such) for universities. I consider this to be a viable contribution to society because I'd like to consider these packs as a barrier that going to prevent a 'God i need to get laid, I'm going to bang that fat girl with no life expectations' situations procreation. That and STI's and what not. Also Saturday Josh Thomas and Claire Hooper who hence forth will be known as 'Wife #1' are doing a free comedy thing, if you're interested shoot me a text or facebook. You can watch me get arrested for attempted kidnapping. Haha i kid you, I'm a ninja, I'll fuck shit up.
In relative news, it appears that I'll be going to that place again. It scares me, i don't particularly enjoy hospitals, especially it's because it's an opportunity for me to get criticized and judged. I don't like it because i have to go because I'm paranoid. Every time I'm sick or something along those lines I think the worst and expect a death sentence, two people have offered to accompany me which pretty much means the world. I just need to man up a little and call the place and find out what's the most opportune time to get a hasty appointment.
This weekend was something different. Me and Glen were alone so we decided to tackle as many things as possible. You have those friends that you can just tell what's on their minds. It's a great thing i believe, unless you're completely off the ball. I don't think i was, it just means we didn't have a lot to talk about so there was a few gaps of silence. He can tell when I'm upset and he's somewhat adjusting to me. I laugh out loud every time a song by Eminem comes on and without hesitation he changes it because he's grown accustom to my hatred for the guy, regardless he may like those songs. Same thing with the window in his car, if I'm in the back he'll apologise for having it down and roll it back up, he knows i feel bad so i don't say anything about it which is what makes it all that much more entertaining. I'm starting to figure out what ticks him off, i can generally tell when hes angry, Glen has a language of blank stares and grunts. I know he doesn't enjoy driving alone so i offer company, even if it's a 10 minute drive. I think he's starting to pick up on it, he was asked to pick up Sara and Christen from a party. He didn't want to, because it's illegal for him to drive with passengers past midnight, he was having engine trouble (which resulted in a temporary break down) and it's like a 30 minute drive each way.
He paused when i declared i was coming with him, like hell i would let a friend drive to the north side with the possibility of being stranded if his car broke down. We got to the party, i got to see a friend i haven't seen in a while which made the trip even more worthwhile, even though i did develop a slight case of frostbite. Breakdown aside we got home and i passed out on the couch. Oh almost forgot, i got to go to Poole family dinner for Adrian's birthday party. Glen was hesitant to go, i knew wanted to go but didn't want to have to deal with the family, so i hinted i was willing to accompany him and he made it appear like it was going to be a pop in thing. We spent well over a hour there. It was amusing, I'm slowly meeting the family, extended family as well. I got interrogated. Not in negative manor, but well think about it to be similar to the bringing a potential date home. My parent's did it to all my friends, what's your name, what are your parents like, what are you doing with yourself, basically are you someone i want my child associating with. My parents did it to all my friends, i have to allow them because if they don't i have no doubt my parent's will someone acquire background checks on everyone i associate with. I'm quite positive about my first impression, Glen covered me where my responses fell short. I learnt the Poole family has a genetic stubbornness, it took a fair amount of determination to get Glen's grandad to take my seat. Glen's mother also gave me a hug, this made me happy.
I'm still trying to figure Adrian out. I know he likes me, i like him. I made him an epic birthday card. Basically it entails him as a half dinosaur destroying things with no reproductive organs but a lot of many chest hair to compensate. I included about 10 or so inside jokes into it, it was quite amusing. I came over yesterday and saw that Adrian had put it on the fridge. I'm going to try and get him to speak more, he's not the most social person, he asked permission if he could come with me and Glen to see Nightmare on Elm Street, i was shocked that he thought we would say no. By the way, don't see it. I would like to thank Glen for putting me on edge and to all those girls in the cinema who kept on screaming which pretty much made me drop balls; that's probably as elegant as i can put it. First time me and Glen have hung out, aside from the motorbike chronicles, was definitely different but fun non the less. Most entertaining thing is probably when Glen's working on the car and i just stand there nodding like i understand everything, cause I'm know as much about cars as we'll, I'll google someone who knows a lot about cars then edit this post.
Work was something. I was frustrated and i really didn't want to be there. I checked the roster and it showed that all my Monday shifts for the month were given to someone else. I dunno, i was upset and angry. I spent the day with Natalie trying to figure out what i was doing wrong that would result in my hours being cut. It was a day of self-loathing and feeling shitty. Until i finally sucked it up and asked Pete about it. It turns out it was all a computer error; i was so angry with myself. I was expecting a, 'You don't talk to customers enough or your sale rate isn't good enough'. I spent the day preparing responses to all these possible reasons to why my hours have been cut. Turns out it was all a computer error, fuck my life.
This blog does have on perk. Last blog i wrote about an situation, well an event that lead to a situation that made me feel quite shitty. The initial plan was to just vent it out and get over it like a real man. Though what i was unaware was the person i spoke off actually read my blog and she actually talked to me about it. Initially i was shocked, but relieved non the less. I can't confront people about these kind of things and i was just happy when she shot me an email about it. Like I'm just ecstatic that she still wants to be friends and it's looking like things will probably get sorted out soon.
So now I'm going to go eat some dinner, contemplate study and pass out and prepare for work tomorrow. Don't get pregnant folks. Oh Sian, the fact that you compared the statement about how bad you think your life was in regards people in third world countries made my day yesterday, i enjoy when people look at the bigger picture.
'Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can.' - Jimmy Eat World.
I'll start with university. It makes me nauseous, it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about exams and all that. So I've come to realise that my dream working for ASIO as an intelligence officer is probably anything but a short lived fantasy. There are far to many complications for it to be the post-university career/job. Let's reiterate how i came to this decision. First it came as a conversation with Glen. We think the same so he pointed out all the flaws in my plan that my vagina wouldn't let me to come to terms with. ASIO intelligence agents require a year of training in Canberra. As pointed out in previous blogs there is the whole financial issue and the fact that i could not put a career above my friends and family. Silly female reproductive organs. Morally i guess i have good character, that or i lack a spine to do what would be best for me; either way. Glen also pointed out the fact that after that training period i would not be guaranteed the job, this is true; based on my performance i could be even given a job, have my training extended if they were unsure or basically told to go home and wait a period of two years before i can reapply. My lack of self-confidence aside, if i were to be given the job there is no guarantee that i would be allowed to move back to Brisbane, what i didn't realise after reading the job info is that analyst aren't required to move around but it doesn't say where we're allowed to live. If Burn Notice has taught me anything is that your mother can be a valuable asset in the world of intelligence and espionage. So basically I'm back to square one of the university degree/career mind map. Also the stress of university has actually made me put on weight. Relax I'm not pregnant fat (even though that seems to be all the rage with people in my life) I've just put on about 2-3 kilos from could be titled as stress-relieving-procrastination snacks. Food tastes so much better if you're procrastinating to eat it.
This part goes an open invitation. This Thursday i shall be accompanying Karli Fletcher in saving the world. In a sense that's what we're doing, we're gonna be spending an evening packing what i understand to be 'safe-sex' packets (condoms and such) for universities. I consider this to be a viable contribution to society because I'd like to consider these packs as a barrier that going to prevent a 'God i need to get laid, I'm going to bang that fat girl with no life expectations' situations procreation. That and STI's and what not. Also Saturday Josh Thomas and Claire Hooper who hence forth will be known as 'Wife #1' are doing a free comedy thing, if you're interested shoot me a text or facebook. You can watch me get arrested for attempted kidnapping. Haha i kid you, I'm a ninja, I'll fuck shit up.
In relative news, it appears that I'll be going to that place again. It scares me, i don't particularly enjoy hospitals, especially it's because it's an opportunity for me to get criticized and judged. I don't like it because i have to go because I'm paranoid. Every time I'm sick or something along those lines I think the worst and expect a death sentence, two people have offered to accompany me which pretty much means the world. I just need to man up a little and call the place and find out what's the most opportune time to get a hasty appointment.
This weekend was something different. Me and Glen were alone so we decided to tackle as many things as possible. You have those friends that you can just tell what's on their minds. It's a great thing i believe, unless you're completely off the ball. I don't think i was, it just means we didn't have a lot to talk about so there was a few gaps of silence. He can tell when I'm upset and he's somewhat adjusting to me. I laugh out loud every time a song by Eminem comes on and without hesitation he changes it because he's grown accustom to my hatred for the guy, regardless he may like those songs. Same thing with the window in his car, if I'm in the back he'll apologise for having it down and roll it back up, he knows i feel bad so i don't say anything about it which is what makes it all that much more entertaining. I'm starting to figure out what ticks him off, i can generally tell when hes angry, Glen has a language of blank stares and grunts. I know he doesn't enjoy driving alone so i offer company, even if it's a 10 minute drive. I think he's starting to pick up on it, he was asked to pick up Sara and Christen from a party. He didn't want to, because it's illegal for him to drive with passengers past midnight, he was having engine trouble (which resulted in a temporary break down) and it's like a 30 minute drive each way.
He paused when i declared i was coming with him, like hell i would let a friend drive to the north side with the possibility of being stranded if his car broke down. We got to the party, i got to see a friend i haven't seen in a while which made the trip even more worthwhile, even though i did develop a slight case of frostbite. Breakdown aside we got home and i passed out on the couch. Oh almost forgot, i got to go to Poole family dinner for Adrian's birthday party. Glen was hesitant to go, i knew wanted to go but didn't want to have to deal with the family, so i hinted i was willing to accompany him and he made it appear like it was going to be a pop in thing. We spent well over a hour there. It was amusing, I'm slowly meeting the family, extended family as well. I got interrogated. Not in negative manor, but well think about it to be similar to the bringing a potential date home. My parent's did it to all my friends, what's your name, what are your parents like, what are you doing with yourself, basically are you someone i want my child associating with. My parents did it to all my friends, i have to allow them because if they don't i have no doubt my parent's will someone acquire background checks on everyone i associate with. I'm quite positive about my first impression, Glen covered me where my responses fell short. I learnt the Poole family has a genetic stubbornness, it took a fair amount of determination to get Glen's grandad to take my seat. Glen's mother also gave me a hug, this made me happy.
I'm still trying to figure Adrian out. I know he likes me, i like him. I made him an epic birthday card. Basically it entails him as a half dinosaur destroying things with no reproductive organs but a lot of many chest hair to compensate. I included about 10 or so inside jokes into it, it was quite amusing. I came over yesterday and saw that Adrian had put it on the fridge. I'm going to try and get him to speak more, he's not the most social person, he asked permission if he could come with me and Glen to see Nightmare on Elm Street, i was shocked that he thought we would say no. By the way, don't see it. I would like to thank Glen for putting me on edge and to all those girls in the cinema who kept on screaming which pretty much made me drop balls; that's probably as elegant as i can put it. First time me and Glen have hung out, aside from the motorbike chronicles, was definitely different but fun non the less. Most entertaining thing is probably when Glen's working on the car and i just stand there nodding like i understand everything, cause I'm know as much about cars as we'll, I'll google someone who knows a lot about cars then edit this post.
Work was something. I was frustrated and i really didn't want to be there. I checked the roster and it showed that all my Monday shifts for the month were given to someone else. I dunno, i was upset and angry. I spent the day with Natalie trying to figure out what i was doing wrong that would result in my hours being cut. It was a day of self-loathing and feeling shitty. Until i finally sucked it up and asked Pete about it. It turns out it was all a computer error; i was so angry with myself. I was expecting a, 'You don't talk to customers enough or your sale rate isn't good enough'. I spent the day preparing responses to all these possible reasons to why my hours have been cut. Turns out it was all a computer error, fuck my life.
This blog does have on perk. Last blog i wrote about an situation, well an event that lead to a situation that made me feel quite shitty. The initial plan was to just vent it out and get over it like a real man. Though what i was unaware was the person i spoke off actually read my blog and she actually talked to me about it. Initially i was shocked, but relieved non the less. I can't confront people about these kind of things and i was just happy when she shot me an email about it. Like I'm just ecstatic that she still wants to be friends and it's looking like things will probably get sorted out soon.
So now I'm going to go eat some dinner, contemplate study and pass out and prepare for work tomorrow. Don't get pregnant folks. Oh Sian, the fact that you compared the statement about how bad you think your life was in regards people in third world countries made my day yesterday, i enjoy when people look at the bigger picture.
'Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can.' - Jimmy Eat World.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Big thoughts for feeble Dejan
As of late I've been thinking a lot. These thoughts quite frankly the scare me shitless. For the past two weeks or so I've been investigating careers. Every law tutorial makes me realise how much i hate it, and how long it would have taken me to understand the material in the workbook if there wasn't a tutor spoon feeding me. I feel like the illiterate child that sits in the corner of daycare and just eats play-doh and dirt.
The intelligence community is where i want to go. My mind's saying, do it, do it, do it, do it. My penis is saying, think if all the bitches that you'll get in a suit and gun. Finally my heart's just kind of shattering into tiny little pieces. The one thing that worries me is deployment. ASIO and ASIS officers have their training in Canberra. I assume that's generally where most of the jobs are going to be. This is what is worrying me. Sure I'd be fine if i could force all my friends to move down. The notion of a career scares me. I know it's stupid and childish but it does. It's like when I graduated high school. The thought of the real word scared me senseless. Quite frankly i wouldn't go back but now I'm faced with an even bigger and more horrifying prospect. Graduating university.
If i transfer into my Justice degree that means i have the ability to graduate university at the end of 2011 or mid 2012 depending on what i want to do. You might say, 'But silly Dejan that's over a year away'. Though that's nothing. I mean I've already lived nearly 20 years of my life and it only feels like i started high school yesterday and that was a 5 year long process. University feels like something i decided to do after breakfast because i was bored. I know that year will come by sooner than anything. If I'm serious about my career in a Government Intelligence Agency i would have to get my P's preferably by the end of the year, find a mentor and develop connections within the industry by mid 2011 and be able to fluently write and read Serbian by the end of 2011 while maintaining a GPA of 5.5 or higher.
It's a lot to do but i believe i can do it. The only thing is i still have absolutely no god damn idea if that's where i want to be indefinitely. Also I'm not going to bullshit the readers of this blog. My friends are 80% of the reason i don't want to go. It took me a full year to find a group of friends that i consider to be as strong as the friendship group i had at school. To be quite frank, my ties with high school friends are ending faster that Kyle Sandilands career. I use this analogy because he seems to pop back on the TV every now and then. I can say i only have two friends of whom i went to school with that actually make contact with me and ask to hang out. One friend is in her final year of her nursing degree and the other friend is struggling chronic illnesses. I guess it's the quality of their friendships that raise the bar for others and that could be it.
My out of school are friends are just amazing. Lauren as I've blogged about before i could rely on anything. I mean she drove to my house to give me a brownie and a hug because i was feeling like crap. The 'gang' as i reefer to them are just amazing. The want to see me on a weekly basis which is just amazing. It's been a while since i could unload things onto other people. As of late I've really seemed to manage to piss people off regardless of what we talked about. So Wednesday night i went to Christen's house just to unwind. Later that night me and Glen went for a walk and had a deep and meaningful. That kids pretty epic. Sometimes it's just nice to get some reassurance. Not the i hate my life - self-loathing reassurance but the look on the bright side, I'll be here for you type. So i got things sorted out, we headed back and i forced him to talk about what was bugging him. We got home and ate and watched a DVD.
For the past 3 months + I've been going there every Friday, except for tonight because my mother has been bugging me to do uni work. I've done some, I've started summarising my mock case for my Fundamentals of Criminal Law tutorial prac. Though it just feels weird. I want to go over and talk with my friends but i need to focus on this. I know because i had to do a self-reflection for an assignment and i know when I'm overwhelmed with something i don't want to do i just pretend it doesn't exist till a few days before it's due. Then i argue with myself that i have plenty of time to do it. Thus is the life of Dejan.
I bought a book. Probably the best book in all of existence. Well in my perspective. It's called 'I hope they serve beer in hell' by Tucker Max. It's about a guy who's a complete and utter asshole on top of finishing a law degree but he is most likely one of the most literate people i have ever heard off. His writing style and use of satire actually excite me to read. The book is all short stories. I bought it over on Wednesday and me Sara, Jono and Luke had a field day with it. I shall continue reading it tonight.
So now I'm going to go back to reading statutes and laws, watch some anime and read while doing the thing i do best but i hate doing the most. Contemplating the reason for my existence.
'I don't ask for much, truth be told I'd settle for a life less frightening.' - Rise Against.
The intelligence community is where i want to go. My mind's saying, do it, do it, do it, do it. My penis is saying, think if all the bitches that you'll get in a suit and gun. Finally my heart's just kind of shattering into tiny little pieces. The one thing that worries me is deployment. ASIO and ASIS officers have their training in Canberra. I assume that's generally where most of the jobs are going to be. This is what is worrying me. Sure I'd be fine if i could force all my friends to move down. The notion of a career scares me. I know it's stupid and childish but it does. It's like when I graduated high school. The thought of the real word scared me senseless. Quite frankly i wouldn't go back but now I'm faced with an even bigger and more horrifying prospect. Graduating university.
If i transfer into my Justice degree that means i have the ability to graduate university at the end of 2011 or mid 2012 depending on what i want to do. You might say, 'But silly Dejan that's over a year away'. Though that's nothing. I mean I've already lived nearly 20 years of my life and it only feels like i started high school yesterday and that was a 5 year long process. University feels like something i decided to do after breakfast because i was bored. I know that year will come by sooner than anything. If I'm serious about my career in a Government Intelligence Agency i would have to get my P's preferably by the end of the year, find a mentor and develop connections within the industry by mid 2011 and be able to fluently write and read Serbian by the end of 2011 while maintaining a GPA of 5.5 or higher.
It's a lot to do but i believe i can do it. The only thing is i still have absolutely no god damn idea if that's where i want to be indefinitely. Also I'm not going to bullshit the readers of this blog. My friends are 80% of the reason i don't want to go. It took me a full year to find a group of friends that i consider to be as strong as the friendship group i had at school. To be quite frank, my ties with high school friends are ending faster that Kyle Sandilands career. I use this analogy because he seems to pop back on the TV every now and then. I can say i only have two friends of whom i went to school with that actually make contact with me and ask to hang out. One friend is in her final year of her nursing degree and the other friend is struggling chronic illnesses. I guess it's the quality of their friendships that raise the bar for others and that could be it.
My out of school are friends are just amazing. Lauren as I've blogged about before i could rely on anything. I mean she drove to my house to give me a brownie and a hug because i was feeling like crap. The 'gang' as i reefer to them are just amazing. The want to see me on a weekly basis which is just amazing. It's been a while since i could unload things onto other people. As of late I've really seemed to manage to piss people off regardless of what we talked about. So Wednesday night i went to Christen's house just to unwind. Later that night me and Glen went for a walk and had a deep and meaningful. That kids pretty epic. Sometimes it's just nice to get some reassurance. Not the i hate my life - self-loathing reassurance but the look on the bright side, I'll be here for you type. So i got things sorted out, we headed back and i forced him to talk about what was bugging him. We got home and ate and watched a DVD.
For the past 3 months + I've been going there every Friday, except for tonight because my mother has been bugging me to do uni work. I've done some, I've started summarising my mock case for my Fundamentals of Criminal Law tutorial prac. Though it just feels weird. I want to go over and talk with my friends but i need to focus on this. I know because i had to do a self-reflection for an assignment and i know when I'm overwhelmed with something i don't want to do i just pretend it doesn't exist till a few days before it's due. Then i argue with myself that i have plenty of time to do it. Thus is the life of Dejan.
Relationships change people. It's irrefutable. Sometimes its manageable or it actually does some good, i can only really think of she situations. People reading this blog, Karli you're one of them. I lose friends when they get into relationships. I know I've lost two friends. Well once really but urgh. She gave me the whole, it won't change we'll still be BFFL's speech. Next i hear it's group movie dates and birthday parties that turn out to me couple dates. I refuse to get into a relationship to salvage a friendship. Quite frankly the novelty of relationships is wearing somewhat thin as of late, I'm just going to take it as it comes, if you chose to ignore me for a relationship it's your call and i won't judge you for it, i won't talk to you as much but hey.
Last night i also had a blast from my past. A friend that I've been on-again-off-again best friends since grade 5. We went through about 11 months of non-talking terms after he got into a relationship, actually it's been over a year. I'm not sure where it's heading but i hope somewhere pleasant.
I bought a book. Probably the best book in all of existence. Well in my perspective. It's called 'I hope they serve beer in hell' by Tucker Max. It's about a guy who's a complete and utter asshole on top of finishing a law degree but he is most likely one of the most literate people i have ever heard off. His writing style and use of satire actually excite me to read. The book is all short stories. I bought it over on Wednesday and me Sara, Jono and Luke had a field day with it. I shall continue reading it tonight.
So now I'm going to go back to reading statutes and laws, watch some anime and read while doing the thing i do best but i hate doing the most. Contemplating the reason for my existence.
'I don't ask for much, truth be told I'd settle for a life less frightening.' - Rise Against.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Woosa
I'm calm, relax I've done ranting. As of late I've seemed to piss a few people off. Fair few occasions it was a double sided thing. I've decided to get over it pretty fast i mean whats the point. If i mope around all day my life won't achieve anything. Yesterday i learnt something about friendship. You know yourself that you are willing to go out of your way to help a friend out, yesterday i learnt that i have a few friends that are willing to do the same for me.
One of those people is Lauren. I told Lauren what happened, she comforted me, she made me laugh. She thought the fact that i was fuming over what some fat girl i went to school with that serves no purpose in my life; the realisation of this made me laugh out loud in return. Lauren called me 15 minutes later and told me to come outside, i didn't know why, i was somewhat anxious. It turns out Lauren had driven to my house to give me comfort Brownies. Oh we laughed, and I'm grateful to have a friend like her, and quite frankly many others.
Work was something today. We had to tackle what i call 'Mount Preplayed'. It was a process that seemed to go on longer than the extended versions of the Lord of the Rings movies. I had a lot of fun working with Michael. We speak the same language, we think the same. We set tasks and we complete them. Today we managed to organise all the games in the store within a hour; a task we anticipated would take much longer. He told me he liked working with me because i got things done. I dunno what happened, i saw what he was attempting to do and i replicated, before i knew it the work was done. After Natalie showed up and we laughed a bit me and Michael went out back to deal with a sum of 180 games or so. We spent a hour working, we went through maybe 60% of the games. It was a gruelling process and it was driving me insane, we still laughed about it non the less. We got coffee to motivate us. Then Michael started mocking my vagina because i got heart-congestion's. I'm pretty sure he spiked it in a effort to render me unconscious so he could have his way with me. After all the whole time he was giving me pet names which he alternated with insults just to keep things fresh. One thing i can count on Michael for is sound logical advice, he's a realist so i find it quite easy to talk to him about things.
I'm going on 3 hours of sleep and caffeine, needless to say I'll be crashing pretty soon. I had to work an extra 2 hours which i did not anticipate. This meant one thing, i wasn't going to finish my assignment tonight. This is the first assignment in my university degree that i won't be handing in on time. The worst thing is that I'm somewhat ok with it. Trust me i do have a underlying sense of shame about it. I've come to realise that I'll lose 10%. When you think 10% you think oh god, when you realise that it's only 3/30 marks you wonder if it's worth it. I've come to realise that i have a low sense of self-belief when it comes to uni. I was pondering whether it was worth it because i didn't think i would get more than 15. There actually is a chance i might do better than that. I'll spend all of tomorrow doing it, and tonight (as much as i can before i pass out).
Something also happened yesterday, out of no where after i finished work a friend who i have not spoken to in well 11 months or so called me. He wanted to reconnect, we spent half a hour or so chatting on the phone. We're hanging out Wednesday and he's invited me to the vale on Friday so i can formally meet his girlfriend. It's strange how things work out. Time does really test everything, i guess you lose some friends, you gain some friends, but there are just people that stick by you. I'm also quite excited that I'll be spending time with Ms Fletcher once again. She's roped me into save the world event. Quite frankly i love her for it, there aren't that many people out there that are instigating change, and i am quite honoured that she would invite me to join such causes. We're not going to be solving problems in the middle east or removing Mugabe from power, but it's an event that could save someones life, even ones enough.
'Revenge loves company, three makes it a crowd' - You me at six.
One of those people is Lauren. I told Lauren what happened, she comforted me, she made me laugh. She thought the fact that i was fuming over what some fat girl i went to school with that serves no purpose in my life; the realisation of this made me laugh out loud in return. Lauren called me 15 minutes later and told me to come outside, i didn't know why, i was somewhat anxious. It turns out Lauren had driven to my house to give me comfort Brownies. Oh we laughed, and I'm grateful to have a friend like her, and quite frankly many others.
Work was something today. We had to tackle what i call 'Mount Preplayed'. It was a process that seemed to go on longer than the extended versions of the Lord of the Rings movies. I had a lot of fun working with Michael. We speak the same language, we think the same. We set tasks and we complete them. Today we managed to organise all the games in the store within a hour; a task we anticipated would take much longer. He told me he liked working with me because i got things done. I dunno what happened, i saw what he was attempting to do and i replicated, before i knew it the work was done. After Natalie showed up and we laughed a bit me and Michael went out back to deal with a sum of 180 games or so. We spent a hour working, we went through maybe 60% of the games. It was a gruelling process and it was driving me insane, we still laughed about it non the less. We got coffee to motivate us. Then Michael started mocking my vagina because i got heart-congestion's. I'm pretty sure he spiked it in a effort to render me unconscious so he could have his way with me. After all the whole time he was giving me pet names which he alternated with insults just to keep things fresh. One thing i can count on Michael for is sound logical advice, he's a realist so i find it quite easy to talk to him about things.
I'm going on 3 hours of sleep and caffeine, needless to say I'll be crashing pretty soon. I had to work an extra 2 hours which i did not anticipate. This meant one thing, i wasn't going to finish my assignment tonight. This is the first assignment in my university degree that i won't be handing in on time. The worst thing is that I'm somewhat ok with it. Trust me i do have a underlying sense of shame about it. I've come to realise that I'll lose 10%. When you think 10% you think oh god, when you realise that it's only 3/30 marks you wonder if it's worth it. I've come to realise that i have a low sense of self-belief when it comes to uni. I was pondering whether it was worth it because i didn't think i would get more than 15. There actually is a chance i might do better than that. I'll spend all of tomorrow doing it, and tonight (as much as i can before i pass out).
Something also happened yesterday, out of no where after i finished work a friend who i have not spoken to in well 11 months or so called me. He wanted to reconnect, we spent half a hour or so chatting on the phone. We're hanging out Wednesday and he's invited me to the vale on Friday so i can formally meet his girlfriend. It's strange how things work out. Time does really test everything, i guess you lose some friends, you gain some friends, but there are just people that stick by you. I'm also quite excited that I'll be spending time with Ms Fletcher once again. She's roped me into save the world event. Quite frankly i love her for it, there aren't that many people out there that are instigating change, and i am quite honoured that she would invite me to join such causes. We're not going to be solving problems in the middle east or removing Mugabe from power, but it's an event that could save someones life, even ones enough.
'Revenge loves company, three makes it a crowd' - You me at six.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Rage some more
Dear Stalker. Fuck off. Seriously simple as that.
I friend alerted me to the fact that someone i used to know was bitching about me on facebook with a good friend. Clearly because you were the epitome of maturity. It's about the fact that I've started quoting myself. Apparently it makes me self-absorbed. It really couldn't be because i think in third person and right down what i think about certain things. Like accomplishing a task or a conversation with a friend where i had an Epiphany.
Apparently it's egotistical to reflect on your mood. I used to read your blogs. Emo shit this, i hate my life that, someone please end it because no one loves me. You drop that shit in grade 8 and move on. I did, i forgot about you, you were insignificant to me as you were to probably many other people.
I have friends now, happy friends. Friends that i can hang out and introduce others to and don't have to be ashamed of them. It's what i wanted out of life. It's what i achieved. If you don't like me, the way i write, don't stalk me and then whinge. It's childish. I don't enjoy getting mad at fiends because of you, it's frustrating being angry at someone you care about, someone you went to school with and have all these inside jokes and all that kind of shit. It hurts, but what can you do.
Now I'm going to go back to my uni assignment because I'm actually doing something with my life; hope that you won't stalk me anymore and in about 24 you'll once again be insignificant.
I friend alerted me to the fact that someone i used to know was bitching about me on facebook with a good friend. Clearly because you were the epitome of maturity. It's about the fact that I've started quoting myself. Apparently it makes me self-absorbed. It really couldn't be because i think in third person and right down what i think about certain things. Like accomplishing a task or a conversation with a friend where i had an Epiphany.
Apparently it's egotistical to reflect on your mood. I used to read your blogs. Emo shit this, i hate my life that, someone please end it because no one loves me. You drop that shit in grade 8 and move on. I did, i forgot about you, you were insignificant to me as you were to probably many other people.
I have friends now, happy friends. Friends that i can hang out and introduce others to and don't have to be ashamed of them. It's what i wanted out of life. It's what i achieved. If you don't like me, the way i write, don't stalk me and then whinge. It's childish. I don't enjoy getting mad at fiends because of you, it's frustrating being angry at someone you care about, someone you went to school with and have all these inside jokes and all that kind of shit. It hurts, but what can you do.
Now I'm going to go back to my uni assignment because I'm actually doing something with my life; hope that you won't stalk me anymore and in about 24 you'll once again be insignificant.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
& Rage
If there are any spelling or grammatical errors in this blog; forgive me I'm doing this before work so i don't forget about things that happened on the weekend.
Me and the guys and Christen's mum had much of a socio-political discussion this weekend. It's been brought to my attention and by other people and even a facebook group that Generation Y is the 'generation of alcoholics' as facebook would put it. OK i understand that there are a lot of binge drinkers who live on the doll, it's a social issue revolving around which geographic area you live in. The Upper/Middle/Lower class's still apply in modern day society. Ben came into work about two weeks ago and we discussed how we are different from the people that live in Browns Plains. You just have to work there a week and you release that people act, dress, even use a different vocabulary to you. One thing he pointed out is 'People here would rather live on the doll instead of work, while me and you would rather do a shit job for a low pay just so we can earn for ourselves'. It's true, sometimes i get angry cause I don't like the fact that people on the doll are getting more than me, but then again i have a sense of pride when i get my paycheck and can afford to go out with friends or something.
If Generation Y really is the drinking generation that i would bluntly and honestly say that the next Generation is one of low morals. It really disgusts me. I'm sick of seeing Grade 8's smoking cigarettes like candy. I have friends that smoke, this isn't a smoking rant. When we were in Grade 8 it was simply unacceptable, you would litter ally have to go to some secluded space to give it a go (This is not personal experience, to this day i have not ever touched a cigarette). Though these days you can do it anywhere, even in a school uniform and no one says anything. Attire is also something that kills me. Girls these days dress like whores. It's disgusting. Yesterday me and a friend went to pick up my sister from a movie. I saw what kids were wearing, their in high school so their kids. I rolled my eyes, i saw my sisters skirt, i felt nauseous. I know what it was like to be a 15 year old boy, you're not commenting on her outfit cause it looks nice, you're thanking society for eliminating the need for softcore porn. The thing that gets me the most is the fact that i can not say anything, because EVERY other girl her age is wearing the same thing. This falls on principles of parenting, yes all your daughters friends are wearing clothes like this, though this outfit is probably is going to get your daughter free drugs and alcohol, she might have to sell herself a little but it's ok, cause everyone else is doing it. The thing that pains me the most is, what my 19 year old male friends think when they see it. This isn't a blog targeted at my sister, it's a blog targeted at society for making my sister conform. You can give lectures about being an individual, but chances are if everyone is doing it, and you don't do it to some degree you become a social outcast and no one wants that.
I know that that at some stage in 50 years the Internet still exist and someone comes across this blogs, they'll probably think ; 'What was he Islamic? Wanting to robe all women?" To be honest i would love to have the authority to robe every woman under the age of 18.
'All change is not growth, all movement is not forward' - Ellen Glasgow.
Enough social ranting for the time being. My weekend was fun. One thing I've come to notice is that i can't deal with quiet in my house anymore. After spending weekends and even a week at a friends house I've come accustomed to noise. I can't deal with the deathly silence of my room. I'm going to go on a music downloading spree cause my soundtracks are getting annoying. Things have changed with the friendship group in regards to previous blogs. Things are somewhat divided, it's like an unofficial agreement to not talk about the said topic. I'm going to have to change my vocabulary. Apparently i use too many big words, i worry that if i don't I'll forget what they mean. I know you might think it's something silly, but if it creates discomfort with friends I'll discard certain words or just put them aside for blogs, either way. Uni is still killing me. I just want to cry but that was Wednesday night; over that shit. I'm going to have to start emailing intelligence organisations to try and organise face to face chat's so i can find out some information about career opportunities. The Career Guidance counsellor did help but not in the way i expected. I'm still utterly lost but i have some idea which direction is north. If you get the analogy. I'll probably recall things and add them to either a later blog tonight or tomorrow. It's time for work kids. I've also decided I'm going to start doing chores around the house. Like when i go to Christens I'll wash their dishes at least twice. Only because Glen decides to do them and i don't think someone should have to clean other peoples shit by themselves, though I've started thinking, why wash someones dishes when only like 7% of them are yours and at home 25% are yours. I know my parents raised me not to do chores because well i don't know why, any reason i come up is hypocritical to theirs, so I'm just going to do it. They will complain, but they'll get over it.
'The hardest thing about friendship, is not taking something personally' - Dejan Tomasovic.
Me and the guys and Christen's mum had much of a socio-political discussion this weekend. It's been brought to my attention and by other people and even a facebook group that Generation Y is the 'generation of alcoholics' as facebook would put it. OK i understand that there are a lot of binge drinkers who live on the doll, it's a social issue revolving around which geographic area you live in. The Upper/Middle/Lower class's still apply in modern day society. Ben came into work about two weeks ago and we discussed how we are different from the people that live in Browns Plains. You just have to work there a week and you release that people act, dress, even use a different vocabulary to you. One thing he pointed out is 'People here would rather live on the doll instead of work, while me and you would rather do a shit job for a low pay just so we can earn for ourselves'. It's true, sometimes i get angry cause I don't like the fact that people on the doll are getting more than me, but then again i have a sense of pride when i get my paycheck and can afford to go out with friends or something.
If Generation Y really is the drinking generation that i would bluntly and honestly say that the next Generation is one of low morals. It really disgusts me. I'm sick of seeing Grade 8's smoking cigarettes like candy. I have friends that smoke, this isn't a smoking rant. When we were in Grade 8 it was simply unacceptable, you would litter ally have to go to some secluded space to give it a go (This is not personal experience, to this day i have not ever touched a cigarette). Though these days you can do it anywhere, even in a school uniform and no one says anything. Attire is also something that kills me. Girls these days dress like whores. It's disgusting. Yesterday me and a friend went to pick up my sister from a movie. I saw what kids were wearing, their in high school so their kids. I rolled my eyes, i saw my sisters skirt, i felt nauseous. I know what it was like to be a 15 year old boy, you're not commenting on her outfit cause it looks nice, you're thanking society for eliminating the need for softcore porn. The thing that gets me the most is the fact that i can not say anything, because EVERY other girl her age is wearing the same thing. This falls on principles of parenting, yes all your daughters friends are wearing clothes like this, though this outfit is probably is going to get your daughter free drugs and alcohol, she might have to sell herself a little but it's ok, cause everyone else is doing it. The thing that pains me the most is, what my 19 year old male friends think when they see it. This isn't a blog targeted at my sister, it's a blog targeted at society for making my sister conform. You can give lectures about being an individual, but chances are if everyone is doing it, and you don't do it to some degree you become a social outcast and no one wants that.
I know that that at some stage in 50 years the Internet still exist and someone comes across this blogs, they'll probably think ; 'What was he Islamic? Wanting to robe all women?" To be honest i would love to have the authority to robe every woman under the age of 18.
'All change is not growth, all movement is not forward' - Ellen Glasgow.
Enough social ranting for the time being. My weekend was fun. One thing I've come to notice is that i can't deal with quiet in my house anymore. After spending weekends and even a week at a friends house I've come accustomed to noise. I can't deal with the deathly silence of my room. I'm going to go on a music downloading spree cause my soundtracks are getting annoying. Things have changed with the friendship group in regards to previous blogs. Things are somewhat divided, it's like an unofficial agreement to not talk about the said topic. I'm going to have to change my vocabulary. Apparently i use too many big words, i worry that if i don't I'll forget what they mean. I know you might think it's something silly, but if it creates discomfort with friends I'll discard certain words or just put them aside for blogs, either way. Uni is still killing me. I just want to cry but that was Wednesday night; over that shit. I'm going to have to start emailing intelligence organisations to try and organise face to face chat's so i can find out some information about career opportunities. The Career Guidance counsellor did help but not in the way i expected. I'm still utterly lost but i have some idea which direction is north. If you get the analogy. I'll probably recall things and add them to either a later blog tonight or tomorrow. It's time for work kids. I've also decided I'm going to start doing chores around the house. Like when i go to Christens I'll wash their dishes at least twice. Only because Glen decides to do them and i don't think someone should have to clean other peoples shit by themselves, though I've started thinking, why wash someones dishes when only like 7% of them are yours and at home 25% are yours. I know my parents raised me not to do chores because well i don't know why, any reason i come up is hypocritical to theirs, so I'm just going to do it. They will complain, but they'll get over it.
'The hardest thing about friendship, is not taking something personally' - Dejan Tomasovic.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
10:37
And there are just sometimes, you just don't know what to do, cause everyone is busy. There is no quote that will make you feel better about a situation you can't control, so you suck it up like a man, and sit down and cry like a pregnant lady.
Undisclosed titles
Today was something, university was university. I struggled to get up, to wake up. I was reluctant to go to uni, i got bored and almost fell asleep in 2/3 tutorials, constantly yawning (always seemed to be at the point where the tutor would look at me).
I did something i set out to do a while ago. It was a meager goal if a goal at all. It was really a challenge to my ego from a friend. She stated she had a winning rate of 50% on solitaire, i was somewhat crushed by what was 27% or so. So i declared i would catch up to her and overtake her. One month and 260 games of mobile solitaire i have done it, i have achieved my 50% winning ratio. I was a little smug, after all it was something i was working towards. So i updated Facebook (Karli Fletcher, don't judge me).
One thing surprised me, someone told me my status was brilliant and asked if she could replicate it. I revisited it, and i was kind of like, wow that's actually somewhat poetic.
'A task, regardless how tiny, once accomplished is still an achievement'. - Dejan Tomasovic.
I had to reorganise itunes, for some reason it refilled my list with pretty much ever and any song i have ever played on the computer. I had to go and delete 300+ songs but oh well. I think I'm going try and become a little bit more goal orientated. I still need to write my list of goals. I think I'll do that tomorrow. I have my meeting with a careers guidance counsellor. I'm frightened. I don't know why, it's illogical. This person is supposed to inform me on possible career paths.
I think my fear stems from the fact that what if i don't like the job I intend on getting with my justice degree? What do i do then? Obviously i would probably have to go back to university, i would cry a fair bit too. I have some idea on how it's going to turn out, in the long run or possibly even short run I'll have have to talk to unit coordinator's. I don't know, i don't like talking to people about gigantic life decisions, especially if i don't know the person that well.
Hey Dejan?
What Mr Conscience?
Would you like a nice glass of harden the fuck up?
Sure!
Well you get the general idea. So now I'm going to focus on my next goal, start my final assignment. I hate memorandums. The goal of tonight is to finish off the research for my assignment, so i can start writing it tomorrow. While watching Juno, which is somewhat horrifying but a decent movie non the less.
'If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.' - Henry David Thoreau.
I did something i set out to do a while ago. It was a meager goal if a goal at all. It was really a challenge to my ego from a friend. She stated she had a winning rate of 50% on solitaire, i was somewhat crushed by what was 27% or so. So i declared i would catch up to her and overtake her. One month and 260 games of mobile solitaire i have done it, i have achieved my 50% winning ratio. I was a little smug, after all it was something i was working towards. So i updated Facebook (Karli Fletcher, don't judge me).
One thing surprised me, someone told me my status was brilliant and asked if she could replicate it. I revisited it, and i was kind of like, wow that's actually somewhat poetic.
'A task, regardless how tiny, once accomplished is still an achievement'. - Dejan Tomasovic.
I had to reorganise itunes, for some reason it refilled my list with pretty much ever and any song i have ever played on the computer. I had to go and delete 300+ songs but oh well. I think I'm going try and become a little bit more goal orientated. I still need to write my list of goals. I think I'll do that tomorrow. I have my meeting with a careers guidance counsellor. I'm frightened. I don't know why, it's illogical. This person is supposed to inform me on possible career paths.
I think my fear stems from the fact that what if i don't like the job I intend on getting with my justice degree? What do i do then? Obviously i would probably have to go back to university, i would cry a fair bit too. I have some idea on how it's going to turn out, in the long run or possibly even short run I'll have have to talk to unit coordinator's. I don't know, i don't like talking to people about gigantic life decisions, especially if i don't know the person that well.
Hey Dejan?
What Mr Conscience?
Would you like a nice glass of harden the fuck up?
Sure!
Well you get the general idea. So now I'm going to focus on my next goal, start my final assignment. I hate memorandums. The goal of tonight is to finish off the research for my assignment, so i can start writing it tomorrow. While watching Juno, which is somewhat horrifying but a decent movie non the less.
'If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.' - Henry David Thoreau.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Just a blog really
Ok there are going to a be a lot of things in this blog, won't be just your standard one topic blog i generally tend to do. First of all, grammar and spelling. I understand that people tend to abbreviate things to shorten sentences, i understand in texting, but when you're talking to someone it's just disgusting. Like using made up abbreviations such as 'mora', no learned person would consider that as a shortened version of the word tomorrow. I understand that this person is still in high school but he is also 17. Also a person I went to school with, i know i don't really like you, i had anything to do with you, but when i see you type something like, "HOLLA BACK AT YO GURL" it makes me wonder; when and why is there a need to talk like a dyslexic ethnic American prostitute working for her 2 minutes of fame on Jerry Springer?
'Evolution, unwanted, frustrating, stressful, necessary' - Dejan Tomasovic.
I have changed so much, especially over the past six months. I noticed this change a while ago, i just didn't know what to do with it, so i just kind of went with it. I mean what do you do when you release your changing as a person? The change i guess could be somewhat predetermined, i decided i wanted to be like someone, i didn't go out of my way to be like them, i just admired them for their morals and what not. Some while ago i realised there was no point in attempting to duplicate myself, i changed for my own purposes.
If you asked me to do things I've been doing as of late last year i probably would've questioned your sobriety. One thing that's changed more than anything is my standard of friendship. I guess in a sense I've come to expect a lot more. 2009 i was the quiet kid, i was the one that spend at least three hours a day playing online games. I miss it all, don't get me wrong, i made some great friends on FFXI. This is probably where my parent's need to evolve. I'm not the gamer anymore, mum knows this but she and dad still worry about me, especially in the uni regard.
Though these days I seem to dropping everything for friends. Friendship - Running after someone at 3.30am because they were angry, walking in a singlet in freezing temperature in silence for 10 minutes because they didn't want to talk and awaiting your opportunity to comfort them while walking through wet grass barefoot. (Dejan Tomasovic, last weekend).
I've been dropping uni more and more, even assessment because a friend was in need of well a friend. I've become the group mediator. I've tried to fix things so much over the past two weeks, my study has going so downhill. I got my first piece assessment back which i failed. At first i was disappoint, i ate comfort teppanyaki. Though in the long run, i helped a friend out; it was worth it and i would probably do it again.
I'm somewhat upset about recent events. One thing i have stood by is never allowing a relationship to ruin a friendship. I found out two people in my little friendship group had something, i don't know but something. I found out the person had a thing for me and my best friend. I instantly distanced myself from the situation, i would never think to hurt a friend. Though another person came into the picture, he didn't share the ideals as me. In the long run I've lost two friends, I'm sad though sometimes you just can't force people to do things your way. How it'll end, i don't know.
One thing still remains, this ungodly, never ending fear of a certain topic. I don't like having this freak outs. I hate having to conceal them but i would never want to tell people when I'm having it. Especially if it happens in regards to do something stupid, like watching Lord of the Rings. I want to watch and and laugh at the fact that Adrian and Glen can quote it, not having to worry about it.
Though i have to ask a question, at what stage should we stop evolving?
'Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process' - Anne Wilson Schaef.
'Evolution, unwanted, frustrating, stressful, necessary' - Dejan Tomasovic.
I have changed so much, especially over the past six months. I noticed this change a while ago, i just didn't know what to do with it, so i just kind of went with it. I mean what do you do when you release your changing as a person? The change i guess could be somewhat predetermined, i decided i wanted to be like someone, i didn't go out of my way to be like them, i just admired them for their morals and what not. Some while ago i realised there was no point in attempting to duplicate myself, i changed for my own purposes.
If you asked me to do things I've been doing as of late last year i probably would've questioned your sobriety. One thing that's changed more than anything is my standard of friendship. I guess in a sense I've come to expect a lot more. 2009 i was the quiet kid, i was the one that spend at least three hours a day playing online games. I miss it all, don't get me wrong, i made some great friends on FFXI. This is probably where my parent's need to evolve. I'm not the gamer anymore, mum knows this but she and dad still worry about me, especially in the uni regard.
Though these days I seem to dropping everything for friends. Friendship - Running after someone at 3.30am because they were angry, walking in a singlet in freezing temperature in silence for 10 minutes because they didn't want to talk and awaiting your opportunity to comfort them while walking through wet grass barefoot. (Dejan Tomasovic, last weekend).
I've been dropping uni more and more, even assessment because a friend was in need of well a friend. I've become the group mediator. I've tried to fix things so much over the past two weeks, my study has going so downhill. I got my first piece assessment back which i failed. At first i was disappoint, i ate comfort teppanyaki. Though in the long run, i helped a friend out; it was worth it and i would probably do it again.
I'm somewhat upset about recent events. One thing i have stood by is never allowing a relationship to ruin a friendship. I found out two people in my little friendship group had something, i don't know but something. I found out the person had a thing for me and my best friend. I instantly distanced myself from the situation, i would never think to hurt a friend. Though another person came into the picture, he didn't share the ideals as me. In the long run I've lost two friends, I'm sad though sometimes you just can't force people to do things your way. How it'll end, i don't know.
One thing still remains, this ungodly, never ending fear of a certain topic. I don't like having this freak outs. I hate having to conceal them but i would never want to tell people when I'm having it. Especially if it happens in regards to do something stupid, like watching Lord of the Rings. I want to watch and and laugh at the fact that Adrian and Glen can quote it, not having to worry about it.
Though i have to ask a question, at what stage should we stop evolving?
'Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process' - Anne Wilson Schaef.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Persuit of Happiness
So last night was Jono's birthday. I rocked up after work with Amanda and Amy. I was worried about the awkward 'meet everyone phase'. We turn up and the music is blaring. I walk in the door, and i see nearly everyone is drunk, the boys have their pants off and their just dancing the night away. At this stage, I'd like to introduce Amanda.
Though things just went off. There were a few hitches but i refuse to talk about it. Two exciting things happened that night. First off all, Me and Glen finally got drunk together. I have a high tolerance when it comes to alcohol and i tend to sober up faster than most, the whole being raised with spirits eastern-europe thing (it does have it's flaws when it comes to parties). A lot of grinding, man on man action, Dejan calling for Amanda's assistance in the rape situation but Amanda not coming because she thought i just might enjoy getting tag-teamed by two guys. We called a maxi-taxi after we were well gone, a photo shoot in the back and we were at the Stock Exchange. We danced our little hearts out, I was buying the drinks and it was just fun. I met a fair amount of people, they've been added to facebook; now just waiting on the photos. The other highlight was Adrian coming with us, he's the quiet kid, seeing him do the robot in the corner just made me laugh so much; not in a judgemental way.
I just had so much fun, i know i was drunk, i spent the night yelling at a girl threatening to end her for taking my women away. Though when you're on a high, with a group of friends, just dancing and trying to out do each other you just can't help but be happy. I know it probably won't happen again for a while, but that was most definitely the best night of my life this year, maybe for a few years.
Most people are only as happy as they make their minds out to be - Abraham Lincoln.
Though things just went off. There were a few hitches but i refuse to talk about it. Two exciting things happened that night. First off all, Me and Glen finally got drunk together. I have a high tolerance when it comes to alcohol and i tend to sober up faster than most, the whole being raised with spirits eastern-europe thing (it does have it's flaws when it comes to parties). A lot of grinding, man on man action, Dejan calling for Amanda's assistance in the rape situation but Amanda not coming because she thought i just might enjoy getting tag-teamed by two guys. We called a maxi-taxi after we were well gone, a photo shoot in the back and we were at the Stock Exchange. We danced our little hearts out, I was buying the drinks and it was just fun. I met a fair amount of people, they've been added to facebook; now just waiting on the photos. The other highlight was Adrian coming with us, he's the quiet kid, seeing him do the robot in the corner just made me laugh so much; not in a judgemental way.
I just had so much fun, i know i was drunk, i spent the night yelling at a girl threatening to end her for taking my women away. Though when you're on a high, with a group of friends, just dancing and trying to out do each other you just can't help but be happy. I know it probably won't happen again for a while, but that was most definitely the best night of my life this year, maybe for a few years.
Most people are only as happy as they make their minds out to be - Abraham Lincoln.
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