Live for right now

Where to begin. That's the questions. I still feel at peace, though i know in about two weeks my life will be pulled senselessly in all directions.

I'll start with university. It makes me nauseous, it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about exams and all that. So I've come to realise that my dream working for ASIO as an intelligence officer is probably anything but a short lived fantasy. There are far to many complications for it to be the post-university career/job. Let's reiterate how i came to this decision. First it came as a conversation with Glen. We think the same so he pointed out all the flaws in my plan that my vagina wouldn't let me to come to terms with. ASIO intelligence agents require a year of training in Canberra. As pointed out in previous blogs there is the whole financial issue and the fact that i could not put a career above my friends and family. Silly female reproductive organs. Morally i guess i have good character, that or i lack a spine to do what would be best for me; either way. Glen also pointed out the fact that after that training period i would not be guaranteed the job, this is true; based on my performance i could be even given a job, have my training extended if they were unsure or basically told to go home and wait a period of two years before i can reapply. My lack of self-confidence aside, if i were to be given the job there is no guarantee that i would be allowed to move back to Brisbane, what i didn't realise after reading the job info is that analyst aren't required to move around but it doesn't say where we're allowed to live. If Burn Notice has taught me anything is that your mother can be a valuable asset in the world of intelligence and espionage. So basically I'm back to square one of the university degree/career mind map. Also the stress of university has actually made me put on weight. Relax I'm not pregnant fat (even though that seems to be all the rage with people in my life) I've just put on about 2-3 kilos from could be titled as stress-relieving-procrastination snacks. Food tastes so much better if you're procrastinating to eat it.

This part goes an open invitation. This Thursday i shall be accompanying Karli Fletcher in saving the world. In a sense that's what we're doing, we're gonna be spending an evening packing what i understand to be 'safe-sex' packets (condoms and such) for universities. I consider this to be a viable contribution to society because I'd like to consider these packs as a barrier that going to prevent a 'God i need to get laid, I'm going to bang that fat girl with no life expectations' situations procreation. That and STI's and what not. Also Saturday Josh Thomas and Claire Hooper who hence forth will be known as 'Wife #1' are doing a free comedy thing, if you're interested shoot me a text or facebook. You can watch me get arrested for attempted kidnapping. Haha i kid you, I'm a ninja, I'll fuck shit up.

In relative news, it appears that I'll be going to that place again. It scares me, i don't particularly enjoy hospitals, especially it's because it's an opportunity for me to get criticized and judged. I don't like it because i have to go because I'm paranoid. Every time I'm sick or something along those lines I think the worst and expect a death sentence, two people have offered to accompany me which pretty much means the world. I just need to man up a little and call the place and find out what's the most opportune time to get a hasty appointment.

This weekend was something different. Me and Glen were alone so we decided to tackle as many things as possible. You have those friends that you can just tell what's on their minds. It's a great thing i believe, unless you're completely off the ball. I don't think i was, it just means we didn't have a lot to talk about so there was a few gaps of silence. He can tell when I'm upset and he's somewhat adjusting to me. I laugh out loud every time a song by Eminem comes on and without hesitation he changes it because he's grown accustom to my hatred for the guy, regardless he may like those songs. Same thing with the window in his car, if I'm in the back he'll apologise for having it down and roll it back up, he knows i feel bad so i don't say anything about it which is what makes it all that much more entertaining. I'm starting to figure out what ticks him off, i can generally tell when hes angry, Glen has a language of blank stares and grunts. I know he doesn't enjoy driving alone so i offer company, even if it's a 10 minute drive. I think he's starting to pick up on it, he was asked to pick up Sara and Christen from a party. He didn't want to, because it's illegal for him to drive with passengers past midnight, he was having engine trouble (which resulted in a temporary break down) and it's like a 30 minute drive each way.

He paused when i declared i was coming with him, like hell i would let a friend drive to the north side with the possibility of being stranded if his car broke down. We got to the party, i got to see a friend i haven't seen in a while which made the trip even more worthwhile, even though i did develop a slight case of frostbite. Breakdown aside we got home and i passed out on the couch. Oh almost forgot, i got to go to Poole family dinner for Adrian's birthday party. Glen was hesitant to go, i knew wanted to go but didn't want to have to deal with the family, so i hinted i was willing to accompany him and he made it appear like it was going to be a pop in thing. We spent well over a hour there. It was amusing, I'm slowly meeting the family, extended family as well. I got interrogated. Not in negative manor, but well think about it to be similar to the bringing a potential date home. My parent's did it to all my friends, what's your name, what are your parents like, what are you doing with yourself, basically are you someone i want my child associating with. My parents did it to all my friends, i have to allow them because if they don't i have no doubt my parent's will someone acquire background checks on everyone i associate with. I'm quite positive about my first impression, Glen covered me where my responses fell short. I learnt the Poole family has a genetic stubbornness, it took a fair amount of determination to get Glen's grandad to take my seat. Glen's mother also gave me a hug, this made me happy.

I'm still trying to figure Adrian out. I know he likes me, i like him. I made him an epic birthday card. Basically it entails him as a half dinosaur destroying things with no reproductive organs but a lot of many chest hair to compensate. I included about 10 or so inside jokes into it, it was quite amusing. I came over yesterday and saw that Adrian had put it on the fridge. I'm going to try and get him to speak more, he's not the most social person, he asked permission if he could come with me and Glen to see Nightmare on Elm Street, i was shocked that he thought we would say no. By the way, don't see it. I would like to thank Glen for putting me on edge and to all those girls in the cinema who kept on screaming which pretty much made me drop balls; that's probably as elegant as i can put it. First time me and Glen have hung out, aside from the motorbike chronicles, was definitely different but fun non the less. Most entertaining thing is probably when Glen's working on the car and i just stand there nodding like i understand everything, cause I'm know as much about cars as we'll, I'll google someone who knows a lot about cars then edit this post.

Work was something. I was frustrated and i really didn't want to be there. I checked the roster and it showed that all my Monday shifts for the month were given to someone else. I dunno, i was upset and angry. I spent the day with Natalie trying to figure out what i was doing wrong that would result in my hours being cut. It was a day of self-loathing and feeling shitty. Until i finally sucked it up and asked Pete about it. It turns out it was all a computer error; i was so angry with myself. I was expecting a, 'You don't talk to customers enough or your sale rate isn't good enough'. I spent the day preparing responses to all these possible reasons to why my hours have been cut. Turns out it was all a computer error, fuck my life.

This blog does have on perk. Last blog i wrote about an situation, well an event that lead to a situation that made me feel quite shitty. The initial plan was to just vent it out and get over it like a real man. Though what i was unaware was the person i spoke off actually read my blog and she actually talked to me about it. Initially i was shocked, but relieved non the less. I can't confront people about these kind of things and i was just happy when she shot me an email about it. Like I'm just ecstatic that she still wants to be friends and it's looking like things will probably get sorted out soon.

So now I'm going to go eat some dinner, contemplate study and pass out and prepare for work tomorrow. Don't get pregnant folks. Oh Sian, the fact that you compared the statement about how bad you think your life was in regards people in third world countries made my day yesterday, i enjoy when people look at the bigger picture.

'Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can.' - Jimmy Eat World.