So 2009 comes to a close. By far this has been the most frightening year, but i feel proud about the amount of crap, people and situations i overcame. Especially in regards to uni. I don't know quite what to say. Life has changed significantly, I'm just really stoked that even though most of my friends have either become sleep deprived uni students, workaholics or found themselves involved in romance there's still a little bit of time left for me. Thanks everyone, i preferably would like to spoon a little bit more in 2010, so let's try and make some time for that aye?
Happy new year dear friends and creepy stalkers.
"This is my story"
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
New Chapter
This blog is going to be a happy blog, but first of all i need to rant about something that's been frustrating me. I'll start off with a few definitions:
Testicles: male reproductive organs located in the scrotum that produce sperm and the male hormone, testosterone www.gyneconline.net/eng/abc.htm
Pride: the feeling of self-respect and personal worth wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Manhood: the state of being a man; manly qualities wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl.webwn
My pet peeve as of late is clingy, lonely pathetic guys. I am sick about guys that have been in relationships for like two weeks and being with the one. Then when something horrible happens they go into a spiral of depression and can't believe how their heart has been torn out and their soul shredded. I'm sick of hearing about guys cyber stalking their girlfriends, like seriously. I am sick about hearing guys cry cause a girl doesn't like them or she did this and that with another man. Like seriously you are a fucking tool if you expect monogamy from someone you haven't even been dating for at least 6 months. Humans fuck up, shit happens, we have urges, be thankful it's just a sexual urge and not a I'm going to stab you while you sleep urge. My facebook news feed was spammed today by two individuals posting about how their girlfriend now hates them, they were posted lyrics from love songs and seeking sympathy because their life no longer had meaning. Like seriously, grow a god damn pair of testicles, rediscover some self-respect and man the fuck up.
Though on a happier note, I've changed a bit. We all have the notion of moving out and living on our own. For a while i thought i wouldn't be able to do it. I know i won't be doing it for a while because of uni the fact is simple, I'm logically i unfortunately have a working brain and know that i can't afford it at this age. Though there was always something else about moving out. It was the fear thing, a lack of confidence. Like graduating high school everyone seemed ready and eager to do it but i was shitting myself i had grown into a nice friendly routine with people i cared about and i did not want to leave it. Same goes with living at home, i unlike most people like my family, i talk with them, i eat with them, their there if i need them. At Sara's birthday i befriended her friends, and i have to say they are the nicest bunch of guys you could imagine. This weekend i spent it with them at Christian's house (Sara's boyfriends) his mum is beyond cool, like we can do what ever we want up until what ever hour we want and she doesn't care the slightest.
I spent three consecutive days there. I worked Saturday, i went there and stayed the night. I came home in the morning, showered, got ready for work, went to work, came home, showered went back and crashed again, then came home Monday afternoon. People these days seem to always want to go out and do something that cost's money but that wasn't the case with them. Not everyone was drinking but we still had a fuck load of fun. Movies, quoting shit, horrible jokes before crashing and swapping stories. I'm spending new years with them, shall be pretty epic. I know I've complained that my friends don't hang out as often as i want them to. It's understandable we all have lives and it seems like we always have to plan ahead in advance to get a day we can do something. Though its nice i have some friends that just do random party nights. It kinda did feel like i had moved out that weekend. We ate a lot of junk food, made a lot of mess. We cleaned up, we went shopping, split the bill. At this point I'd like to say never use self-serve check outs. We were there for at least half a hour, no joke. The guy who worked at woollies were so pissed off, gave us the 'four guys can't work the machine' stare. Like seriously that thing is sooo pressure sensitive it's not funny. Though a group effort on the Monday breakfast was pretty cool. I came home cause dad threw a hissy fit about me not being home for days. Turned all the slight small things about the weekend into a big deal. Like me not getting enough sleep, dad was like 'this is why you should be at home, so no one can disturb you while your sleeping'. Like seriously i chose to sleep on the mattress on the floor cause i gave the spare room to my sister. Also one of the dog's bit me cause i accidentally stepped on him, stupid Pomeranian. Though when i came home i was once again beyond bored, i had nothing to do.
Side note, i talked with someone again today. Haven't talked with them till i tried to get into their pants. We had a discussion about that cherry night in their car. I've come to realise my sex life is ruined. Like i know I'm std free again but once you catch something your mind is always there, always thinking 'when was the last time this person got tested'. I got told the only reason i got lucky that night was because i was so persistent. We talked and I've come to realise that i now make up reasons not to sleep with someone, purely cause I'm afraid I'll catch something, bye bye raging hormones, hello state of fear.
Testicles: male reproductive organs located in the scrotum that produce sperm and the male hormone, testosterone www.gyneconline.net/eng/abc.htm
Pride: the feeling of self-respect and personal worth wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Manhood: the state of being a man; manly qualities wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl.webwn
My pet peeve as of late is clingy, lonely pathetic guys. I am sick about guys that have been in relationships for like two weeks and being with the one. Then when something horrible happens they go into a spiral of depression and can't believe how their heart has been torn out and their soul shredded. I'm sick of hearing about guys cyber stalking their girlfriends, like seriously. I am sick about hearing guys cry cause a girl doesn't like them or she did this and that with another man. Like seriously you are a fucking tool if you expect monogamy from someone you haven't even been dating for at least 6 months. Humans fuck up, shit happens, we have urges, be thankful it's just a sexual urge and not a I'm going to stab you while you sleep urge. My facebook news feed was spammed today by two individuals posting about how their girlfriend now hates them, they were posted lyrics from love songs and seeking sympathy because their life no longer had meaning. Like seriously, grow a god damn pair of testicles, rediscover some self-respect and man the fuck up.
Though on a happier note, I've changed a bit. We all have the notion of moving out and living on our own. For a while i thought i wouldn't be able to do it. I know i won't be doing it for a while because of uni the fact is simple, I'm logically i unfortunately have a working brain and know that i can't afford it at this age. Though there was always something else about moving out. It was the fear thing, a lack of confidence. Like graduating high school everyone seemed ready and eager to do it but i was shitting myself i had grown into a nice friendly routine with people i cared about and i did not want to leave it. Same goes with living at home, i unlike most people like my family, i talk with them, i eat with them, their there if i need them. At Sara's birthday i befriended her friends, and i have to say they are the nicest bunch of guys you could imagine. This weekend i spent it with them at Christian's house (Sara's boyfriends) his mum is beyond cool, like we can do what ever we want up until what ever hour we want and she doesn't care the slightest.
I spent three consecutive days there. I worked Saturday, i went there and stayed the night. I came home in the morning, showered, got ready for work, went to work, came home, showered went back and crashed again, then came home Monday afternoon. People these days seem to always want to go out and do something that cost's money but that wasn't the case with them. Not everyone was drinking but we still had a fuck load of fun. Movies, quoting shit, horrible jokes before crashing and swapping stories. I'm spending new years with them, shall be pretty epic. I know I've complained that my friends don't hang out as often as i want them to. It's understandable we all have lives and it seems like we always have to plan ahead in advance to get a day we can do something. Though its nice i have some friends that just do random party nights. It kinda did feel like i had moved out that weekend. We ate a lot of junk food, made a lot of mess. We cleaned up, we went shopping, split the bill. At this point I'd like to say never use self-serve check outs. We were there for at least half a hour, no joke. The guy who worked at woollies were so pissed off, gave us the 'four guys can't work the machine' stare. Like seriously that thing is sooo pressure sensitive it's not funny. Though a group effort on the Monday breakfast was pretty cool. I came home cause dad threw a hissy fit about me not being home for days. Turned all the slight small things about the weekend into a big deal. Like me not getting enough sleep, dad was like 'this is why you should be at home, so no one can disturb you while your sleeping'. Like seriously i chose to sleep on the mattress on the floor cause i gave the spare room to my sister. Also one of the dog's bit me cause i accidentally stepped on him, stupid Pomeranian. Though when i came home i was once again beyond bored, i had nothing to do.
Side note, i talked with someone again today. Haven't talked with them till i tried to get into their pants. We had a discussion about that cherry night in their car. I've come to realise my sex life is ruined. Like i know I'm std free again but once you catch something your mind is always there, always thinking 'when was the last time this person got tested'. I got told the only reason i got lucky that night was because i was so persistent. We talked and I've come to realise that i now make up reasons not to sleep with someone, purely cause I'm afraid I'll catch something, bye bye raging hormones, hello state of fear.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
To be or not to be; that is the question
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Friday, December 18, 2009
The walk of shame
While everyone is out having fun on a exciting Friday night i thought i would cope with my insomnia with a blog. This is the third time I've attempted to write this one, each time my mood has changed, from angry to mellow to confused.
Life's going pretty well i guess. I got accepted into the course i wanted and I'm making money. Something is different, i have a routine. It's not like a uni routine because that's always been pretty flexible. A lot of stuff has been happening as of late and it's been building up so i think its time i got it off my chest.
I'm scared first and foremost. 2010 is going to be quite an experience. I'll officially be doing a double degree and the subjects are going to get harder to I'm expecting a larger work load. I'm gonna try and maintain some form of employment cause quite frankly it's nice to have some income and be able to go out. Granted i don't go out, but i want that to change. I want more parties, i want more clubbing, i want more drunken moments and shitty awkward dancing with friends cause that kind of shit makes me happy.
I know its hypocrisy saying i want to party more often when uni is only going to get tougher but you know what I'll find a way to do it. Cause while it is novel to spend the occasional Friday night alone i don't want to spend every Friday night alone, you know?
Friendship has been a somewhat touchy subject as of late but you know what, fuck it. I've lost my share of friends this year, and I'm not sure what to think of it. It's nice to know that there are people i expected not to lose contact with that have stayed quite good friends with. I want more friends cause i rarely see those kids from high school. Next year's going to be difficult maturity with immaturity. I know it sounds strange but we're growing up as much as i hate to admit it. I still want to have fun but without the bitching. I know 25 year old's that have more fun then we do folks. I'll probably drop more friends cause I'm sick of people making me like shit. I'm sick of people ignoring me cause i left their party early cause i felt like utter shit, I'm sick of people ignoring me cause i didn't take their side in an stupid argument that i had no point of being in, I'm sick of people claiming to be my friends one day and then bitching about me on facebook, like seriously i know 12 year old's that wouldn't do that.
Rebecca Freemantle; it's been a while fatty. You were one of my best friends in high school, i probably told you things no one else knows, we dated, we broke up and we haven't talked from April till December. Thanks to Karli we went clubbing one day. I felt so awkward that night, i literally waited half a hour before i gave you a hug because i didn't know how to act around you. Though I'm glad we managed to get things back on tracks though i know your not going to be the friends that texts me every now and then or talks to me on msn. I'll deal with it; it was good to see you.
This year i also did something i haven't done since grade 10 and that was work with friends. Pizza Hut Call Centre lead to so many friendships, one notable being Amanda McIntyre. I'm pretty sure I'll still stay friends with people from Gametraders after my time is up, even if it is to go back and just bug people and make Pete order stuff in for me.
This year friendship has changed on so many levels. I experienced long distance friendships with dear friends that moved to Warwick and South Australia. I became really close with someone i hooked up with one random night and talk to pretty much ever opportunity i get, and i befriended this pretty amazing girl that always makes me laugh and calls me every single day and we will always find something to talk about and it just makes me smile, today's topic was the fact that she was willing to wax my testicles if i ever asked, though i wont cause i worry she'll wax one off or I'll bleed to death.
As of late I've become physically tired. I work, i nap, i watch TV and eat, then i go to sleep and i wake up and go to work, contemplating just going back to sleep and getting fired. Don't get me wrong i love my job and all but its like I'm just tired all the time even though my job isn't physically demanding. I worry cause that is what awaits us after we graduate university, we go work full time. On my days off I'm too tired to plan anything exciting with my friends so i don't want to become a social hermit. Work was nice cause like i think i got used to the fact that i would have something to talk with Alec, Libby, Nat, Pete and Michael and then go home and have a conversation with a family member, spam a bit on facebook then go online. Though i want random spontaneity, unicycles, toga parties and other random shit.
I want to change the person i am, on so many levels. Quite frankly I'm over one night stands and i just don't see the merit in getting laid, it's like it's become a chore (Very masculine Dejan), the truth is i would much rather have a chicken sandwich and some rice than a blow job from someone who I'm gonna find completely incompetent and regret in 12 hours. Ironic enough a great friend did originate from a one night stand but hey with like 1/12 the statistics aren't great. Sneaking out was fun when i first started, the shit i did and where i did it was just another life experience. It was a triumph just because i was so sick of people making assumptions about what i wouldn't do and having my parent's constantly nag and steer me in a certain direction. I'm not going to tell my mother i once fucked on a park bench, that someone tore my foreskin and i bled out or the fact that i hooked up with someone almost a decade older than me. Though the fact that i have done it is something i can share, and when someone gloats about hooking with someone older or somewhere exciting i can talk about it cause i have done it. I don't expect you understand, your most likely rolling your eyes at me while reading this and contemplating clicking the little 'x' icon but hey it's a guy thing i guess.
If i play my cards right next I'll could reach Calon Keluarga. Simply put this is the equivalent of a black belt. Though this belt is more than just an accessory its basically an invitation a number of trials. I have to be physically and mentally competent and with it I'll probably end up teaching. Which every belt from this point forward I'll be required to learn ever detail about certain forms one by one along with the philosophy and strengths and weakness's of it. I'm honestly scared and i don't think ill be ready mentally for it. For my level now I'm fine, though within the next 6-7 months I'll probably end having to hit the gym. I had to teach this week, we had a new guy come. Oh god it's so much harder than i thought. Though it's hard not just because you don't know how to interact but the fact is this guy was at least 3-4 years older than me and i just felt disrespectful giving commands. I've decided I'm not going to do the tournament in Indonesia this year, while it would be great to go, i know I'm not the best in the class, and i really don't want to choke in front of a grand audience, I'll need to build up the self confidence a bit too. Oh i started weapons training on Thursday, we didn't use real swords but dummy ones, it's just not what you expect but fun non the less.
It's been a hour and tomorrow i have a long day. I have to go Christmas shopping, then work, then birthday shopping, then have to find my way to Carindale for a birthday of a close friend who i have not seen since Pre-April. Then I get to see a bunch of you kids at Karli's little BBQ Sunday, quite exciting. I'll leave on this note; There will be one more blog before the end of the year and it will be a check list of sorts to what i want to achieve in 2010, life goes on no matter how bad you fuck up, you just have to get over things and i intend to do the same, i hope we're all friends next year. This year has been an experience and thank you for everything, the good, the bad and the memories.
=)
Life's going pretty well i guess. I got accepted into the course i wanted and I'm making money. Something is different, i have a routine. It's not like a uni routine because that's always been pretty flexible. A lot of stuff has been happening as of late and it's been building up so i think its time i got it off my chest.
I'm scared first and foremost. 2010 is going to be quite an experience. I'll officially be doing a double degree and the subjects are going to get harder to I'm expecting a larger work load. I'm gonna try and maintain some form of employment cause quite frankly it's nice to have some income and be able to go out. Granted i don't go out, but i want that to change. I want more parties, i want more clubbing, i want more drunken moments and shitty awkward dancing with friends cause that kind of shit makes me happy.
I know its hypocrisy saying i want to party more often when uni is only going to get tougher but you know what I'll find a way to do it. Cause while it is novel to spend the occasional Friday night alone i don't want to spend every Friday night alone, you know?
Friendship has been a somewhat touchy subject as of late but you know what, fuck it. I've lost my share of friends this year, and I'm not sure what to think of it. It's nice to know that there are people i expected not to lose contact with that have stayed quite good friends with. I want more friends cause i rarely see those kids from high school. Next year's going to be difficult maturity with immaturity. I know it sounds strange but we're growing up as much as i hate to admit it. I still want to have fun but without the bitching. I know 25 year old's that have more fun then we do folks. I'll probably drop more friends cause I'm sick of people making me like shit. I'm sick of people ignoring me cause i left their party early cause i felt like utter shit, I'm sick of people ignoring me cause i didn't take their side in an stupid argument that i had no point of being in, I'm sick of people claiming to be my friends one day and then bitching about me on facebook, like seriously i know 12 year old's that wouldn't do that.
Rebecca Freemantle; it's been a while fatty. You were one of my best friends in high school, i probably told you things no one else knows, we dated, we broke up and we haven't talked from April till December. Thanks to Karli we went clubbing one day. I felt so awkward that night, i literally waited half a hour before i gave you a hug because i didn't know how to act around you. Though I'm glad we managed to get things back on tracks though i know your not going to be the friends that texts me every now and then or talks to me on msn. I'll deal with it; it was good to see you.
This year i also did something i haven't done since grade 10 and that was work with friends. Pizza Hut Call Centre lead to so many friendships, one notable being Amanda McIntyre. I'm pretty sure I'll still stay friends with people from Gametraders after my time is up, even if it is to go back and just bug people and make Pete order stuff in for me.
This year friendship has changed on so many levels. I experienced long distance friendships with dear friends that moved to Warwick and South Australia. I became really close with someone i hooked up with one random night and talk to pretty much ever opportunity i get, and i befriended this pretty amazing girl that always makes me laugh and calls me every single day and we will always find something to talk about and it just makes me smile, today's topic was the fact that she was willing to wax my testicles if i ever asked, though i wont cause i worry she'll wax one off or I'll bleed to death.
As of late I've become physically tired. I work, i nap, i watch TV and eat, then i go to sleep and i wake up and go to work, contemplating just going back to sleep and getting fired. Don't get me wrong i love my job and all but its like I'm just tired all the time even though my job isn't physically demanding. I worry cause that is what awaits us after we graduate university, we go work full time. On my days off I'm too tired to plan anything exciting with my friends so i don't want to become a social hermit. Work was nice cause like i think i got used to the fact that i would have something to talk with Alec, Libby, Nat, Pete and Michael and then go home and have a conversation with a family member, spam a bit on facebook then go online. Though i want random spontaneity, unicycles, toga parties and other random shit.
I want to change the person i am, on so many levels. Quite frankly I'm over one night stands and i just don't see the merit in getting laid, it's like it's become a chore (Very masculine Dejan), the truth is i would much rather have a chicken sandwich and some rice than a blow job from someone who I'm gonna find completely incompetent and regret in 12 hours. Ironic enough a great friend did originate from a one night stand but hey with like 1/12 the statistics aren't great. Sneaking out was fun when i first started, the shit i did and where i did it was just another life experience. It was a triumph just because i was so sick of people making assumptions about what i wouldn't do and having my parent's constantly nag and steer me in a certain direction. I'm not going to tell my mother i once fucked on a park bench, that someone tore my foreskin and i bled out or the fact that i hooked up with someone almost a decade older than me. Though the fact that i have done it is something i can share, and when someone gloats about hooking with someone older or somewhere exciting i can talk about it cause i have done it. I don't expect you understand, your most likely rolling your eyes at me while reading this and contemplating clicking the little 'x' icon but hey it's a guy thing i guess.
If i play my cards right next I'll could reach Calon Keluarga. Simply put this is the equivalent of a black belt. Though this belt is more than just an accessory its basically an invitation a number of trials. I have to be physically and mentally competent and with it I'll probably end up teaching. Which every belt from this point forward I'll be required to learn ever detail about certain forms one by one along with the philosophy and strengths and weakness's of it. I'm honestly scared and i don't think ill be ready mentally for it. For my level now I'm fine, though within the next 6-7 months I'll probably end having to hit the gym. I had to teach this week, we had a new guy come. Oh god it's so much harder than i thought. Though it's hard not just because you don't know how to interact but the fact is this guy was at least 3-4 years older than me and i just felt disrespectful giving commands. I've decided I'm not going to do the tournament in Indonesia this year, while it would be great to go, i know I'm not the best in the class, and i really don't want to choke in front of a grand audience, I'll need to build up the self confidence a bit too. Oh i started weapons training on Thursday, we didn't use real swords but dummy ones, it's just not what you expect but fun non the less.
It's been a hour and tomorrow i have a long day. I have to go Christmas shopping, then work, then birthday shopping, then have to find my way to Carindale for a birthday of a close friend who i have not seen since Pre-April. Then I get to see a bunch of you kids at Karli's little BBQ Sunday, quite exciting. I'll leave on this note; There will be one more blog before the end of the year and it will be a check list of sorts to what i want to achieve in 2010, life goes on no matter how bad you fuck up, you just have to get over things and i intend to do the same, i hope we're all friends next year. This year has been an experience and thank you for everything, the good, the bad and the memories.
=)
Monday, November 30, 2009
Lost in Stereo
There was a time where my life was the movie to the song
Walls - Boys like Girls
But things have changed. I got a job. Don't get me wrong but I've changed as of late. I seem to have a knack for pissing people off. The arguments are petty if i told a random by stander I'm pretty sure i would have the moral high ground, I've also been in arguments consisting of more than one person and people have told me i was in the right so i dunno, I'm just tired a lot but we'll see how the holidays go.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Take a bow
Oh, how about a round of applause? Yeah, standing ovation?
Our literature tells us a fable of a pot and a kettle, where the pot accused the kettle of hypocrisy where as the idiom reveals that is was the pot who was the hypocrite.
I know, the start, Dejan and Rhianna, like what the fuck. It's not the end of the world, we'll not tonight anyway, gather and your windows and peer into the sky and you shall not see no skeletons riding flaming horses. It was just the best way to express my state of mind.
But enough of that, there are more pressing matters . So last Sunday Rove announced he would no longer host his show, which quite amusingly i almost cried during that night. I know is silly and sentimental, but it's like Pokemon. If we were aware that Pokemon was ending while we we're watching it or to what standard it would fall too, we would have shed tears as well. Rove has been a huge part of my life for the past few years, i recall it was the main topic during Wednesday access's during early high school. Me and my best friend at the time would always talk about the hilarity because Moland would bore us. I don't' know what to feel, like he was my hero and i am aware he has more important things in his life than pleasing me every Sunday and making me laugh (sounds kinky i know, but if only) but yeah i don't know how to take it, I'm gonna miss Rove, as much as i miss lunch times at school.
I'm working now, first time since like grade 11. It's my dream job. I work with one of my best friends, my manger is awesome and the people i work with are great. I work in Gametraders i literally work in a world where other people speak nerd, and they great up playing what i played and know why i play. It's amazing, its like a little cocoon in society where people just get along and no one bitches, sure there are egos but I'm a conceded bastard and i can hold my own. I'm happy I'm getting heaps of hours and I'm learning about the industry i want to break into while doing Uni because few people actually get to do a job they love, and I'm one of them.
Tomorrow I'm hanging I'm getting my tickets for Eurobeat, then seeing that with Karli on Friday night. It's long overdue and i need to make times to see other people but yeah I'll get that done sometime this year. I'm gonna write up a list of achievements for this holiday because i need some goals to achieve, working is nice it gives my life meaning and i like the flow of income but i need somethings to boost mentally.
I just spent the last hour with Kevin, its now 1am. Though Kevin is Kevin and he's grand. He's always good for a laugh and it's what i needed. Today's been average, work makes me tired, i nap after work but yeah i need it. I'm putting a Wii on layby on Saturday! Exciting stuff.
Svidaniya.
Our literature tells us a fable of a pot and a kettle, where the pot accused the kettle of hypocrisy where as the idiom reveals that is was the pot who was the hypocrite.
I know, the start, Dejan and Rhianna, like what the fuck. It's not the end of the world, we'll not tonight anyway, gather and your windows and peer into the sky and you shall not see no skeletons riding flaming horses. It was just the best way to express my state of mind.
But enough of that, there are more pressing matters . So last Sunday Rove announced he would no longer host his show, which quite amusingly i almost cried during that night. I know is silly and sentimental, but it's like Pokemon. If we were aware that Pokemon was ending while we we're watching it or to what standard it would fall too, we would have shed tears as well. Rove has been a huge part of my life for the past few years, i recall it was the main topic during Wednesday access's during early high school. Me and my best friend at the time would always talk about the hilarity because Moland would bore us. I don't' know what to feel, like he was my hero and i am aware he has more important things in his life than pleasing me every Sunday and making me laugh (sounds kinky i know, but if only) but yeah i don't know how to take it, I'm gonna miss Rove, as much as i miss lunch times at school.
I'm working now, first time since like grade 11. It's my dream job. I work with one of my best friends, my manger is awesome and the people i work with are great. I work in Gametraders i literally work in a world where other people speak nerd, and they great up playing what i played and know why i play. It's amazing, its like a little cocoon in society where people just get along and no one bitches, sure there are egos but I'm a conceded bastard and i can hold my own. I'm happy I'm getting heaps of hours and I'm learning about the industry i want to break into while doing Uni because few people actually get to do a job they love, and I'm one of them.
Tomorrow I'm hanging I'm getting my tickets for Eurobeat, then seeing that with Karli on Friday night. It's long overdue and i need to make times to see other people but yeah I'll get that done sometime this year. I'm gonna write up a list of achievements for this holiday because i need some goals to achieve, working is nice it gives my life meaning and i like the flow of income but i need somethings to boost mentally.
I just spent the last hour with Kevin, its now 1am. Though Kevin is Kevin and he's grand. He's always good for a laugh and it's what i needed. Today's been average, work makes me tired, i nap after work but yeah i need it. I'm putting a Wii on layby on Saturday! Exciting stuff.
Svidaniya.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Grandeur
In 1560, Nobunaga Oda defeated the forces of Yoshimoto Imagawa at the battle of Okehazama changing the fate of Japan forever.
In 1893 Charles Strite invented the pop-up toaster, changing breakfast forever.
In 1928 Walter Dieme invented bubble gum, changing childhoods forever.
In 1993 a group called the Backstreet Boys formed, and changed the face of music for Generation Y forever.
In 1995 the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers aired, changing the face of awesome forever.
On 30/06/1997, the Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone was released changing children's imaginations forever.
19 May 2005 George Lucas's Saga was complete with the Australian release date of Star Wars Episode Three: Revenge of the Sith, which changed the world forever in the regards that nerds finally had something more enjoyable than internet porn; forever.
September 8th, 1998 the world fell in love with a 10 year old named Ash Ketchum and a yellow electric rodent called Pikachu, changing the world for ever.
Nov 4th, 2008 the people voted Barack Obama the 44th president of the United States, changing the face of democracy forever.
On the 13/11/2009; pale white kid completes first year of uni.
Victory on many front's.
Life is grand.
Doviđenja
In 1893 Charles Strite invented the pop-up toaster, changing breakfast forever.
In 1928 Walter Dieme invented bubble gum, changing childhoods forever.
In 1993 a group called the Backstreet Boys formed, and changed the face of music for Generation Y forever.
In 1995 the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers aired, changing the face of awesome forever.
On 30/06/1997, the Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone was released changing children's imaginations forever.
19 May 2005 George Lucas's Saga was complete with the Australian release date of Star Wars Episode Three: Revenge of the Sith, which changed the world forever in the regards that nerds finally had something more enjoyable than internet porn; forever.
September 8th, 1998 the world fell in love with a 10 year old named Ash Ketchum and a yellow electric rodent called Pikachu, changing the world for ever.
Nov 4th, 2008 the people voted Barack Obama the 44th president of the United States, changing the face of democracy forever.
On the 13/11/2009; pale white kid completes first year of uni.
Victory on many front's.
Life is grand.
Doviđenja
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Apt
I think I'm ready for my legal foundations exam tomorrow. It's my last, my hardest, my most terrifying. For the past two days I've literally state down and not left my room until i have gone through the material i felt i needed to go through the exam. For a man that doesn't study spending 8 hours straight reading and writing is unnatural. Though, what must be done, must be done.
I'm worrying about the essay question, because its random so i can't really prepare for it. I've come to realise a few things so i guess its time to ponder. The notion of work worries me in the sense that i think i eliminates the fun from you. Once you theories its because you're most likely gonna deal with people that you don't get along with, hence you become frustrated, you spend too long at your place of work and you become tired. I don't really want to become 'less fun', granted i know ill have to mature at some stage, but something likes like sexual innuendo's i think I'm gonna keep those up as long as i have the capability to pee standing up, perhaps even beyond that time; stating 'that's what she said' to my grandchildren seems like a delightful idea.
Relationships; to be quite frank at our age people are taking them far to seriously. I've found myself distancing from people that devote their entire life to one person. I'm not saying it's stupid but illogical perhaps? If we're going to be 'friends' i would like you on call and have the ability to hang out, and by hang out i don't mean i want to be your third wheel. Also if you intend on giving your all to this person, don't expect me to pick you up if it fall's apart, it's a logical choice. I see more and more of my friends going into the cycle and my stomach churns at the notion that one day i could be this conceded. Sure i get a partner is superior to friends in some regards but i just don't think i could just rely on one person, even in regards of marriage, i don't just want to be stuck at work and then at home, i mean like i still want to have friends and have fun.
Lately I've been happier, because I've been setting goals. They've been minute goals but i have been accomplishing them non the less. The new theory is if you have no goal for the day or the week, you have nothing to be be happy about because you have nothing to achieve, unless you get some surprise, so perhaps more goals for the holidays?
Vida parayunnu
I'm worrying about the essay question, because its random so i can't really prepare for it. I've come to realise a few things so i guess its time to ponder. The notion of work worries me in the sense that i think i eliminates the fun from you. Once you theories its because you're most likely gonna deal with people that you don't get along with, hence you become frustrated, you spend too long at your place of work and you become tired. I don't really want to become 'less fun', granted i know ill have to mature at some stage, but something likes like sexual innuendo's i think I'm gonna keep those up as long as i have the capability to pee standing up, perhaps even beyond that time; stating 'that's what she said' to my grandchildren seems like a delightful idea.
Relationships; to be quite frank at our age people are taking them far to seriously. I've found myself distancing from people that devote their entire life to one person. I'm not saying it's stupid but illogical perhaps? If we're going to be 'friends' i would like you on call and have the ability to hang out, and by hang out i don't mean i want to be your third wheel. Also if you intend on giving your all to this person, don't expect me to pick you up if it fall's apart, it's a logical choice. I see more and more of my friends going into the cycle and my stomach churns at the notion that one day i could be this conceded. Sure i get a partner is superior to friends in some regards but i just don't think i could just rely on one person, even in regards of marriage, i don't just want to be stuck at work and then at home, i mean like i still want to have friends and have fun.
Lately I've been happier, because I've been setting goals. They've been minute goals but i have been accomplishing them non the less. The new theory is if you have no goal for the day or the week, you have nothing to be be happy about because you have nothing to achieve, unless you get some surprise, so perhaps more goals for the holidays?
Vida parayunnu
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Acrimony
This is everything i need to know for ONE question
On my exam on friday
Purpose of the acts interpretation act
Extrinsic material
Intrinsic material
Long title v short title of an act
Preambles
Headings to parts, divisions, etc of an act
Marginal Notes
Commencement of acts
Acts silent as to commencement
Date of assent or proclamation
Time of commencement of act
Retrospectively
Power of the Australian government to act retrospectively
Syntactical presumptions
Ejusdem Generis
Rebuttal of ejusdem generis
Noscitur a sociis
An act is to be read as a whole rule
Dictionaries rules
Interpretation provisions
Miscellaneous Act interpretation act provisions
Gender rules
Number rules
Body corporate rules
Measurement of time rules
Legal assumptions
General approaches to statutory interpretation
The literal rule
The golden rule
The mischief rule
Ascertainment of purpose and object
The operations of section 15AA and s14A
Relationship with the mischief rule
Permitted use of s15AA and s14A
vs
What she has to know for a 'career'
French acrylic
French Gel
Gel Toes
Pedicures
If she bitches on facebook one more time;
I will smite her
Tot ziens
On my exam on friday
Purpose of the acts interpretation act
Extrinsic material
Intrinsic material
Long title v short title of an act
Preambles
Headings to parts, divisions, etc of an act
Marginal Notes
Commencement of acts
Acts silent as to commencement
Date of assent or proclamation
Time of commencement of act
Retrospectively
Power of the Australian government to act retrospectively
Syntactical presumptions
Ejusdem Generis
Rebuttal of ejusdem generis
Noscitur a sociis
An act is to be read as a whole rule
Dictionaries rules
Interpretation provisions
Miscellaneous Act interpretation act provisions
Gender rules
Number rules
Body corporate rules
Measurement of time rules
Legal assumptions
General approaches to statutory interpretation
The literal rule
The golden rule
The mischief rule
Ascertainment of purpose and object
The operations of section 15AA and s14A
Relationship with the mischief rule
Permitted use of s15AA and s14A
vs
What she has to know for a 'career'
French acrylic
French Gel
Gel Toes
Pedicures
If she bitches on facebook one more time;
I will smite her
Tot ziens
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Chipper
i found it.
It was sex that i was needing, it was training. As of late my blogs as been quite bitter, but I'm doing better now. There are three components of training that i had overlooked. meditation. prayer. strenuous and rigorous exercise. I feel better now, once again the opinions of others seem worthless, i doubt feel that great about this weekend, cause i won't be going to training on the account of my exam on Friday. Though freedom is but a few days away.So i went back to the doctors, missed out on some vaccinations during school, so i need to get immunised. I was worried, i was expecting a 'oh sorry we got your blood tests mixed up, you really are HIV+' or something along those lines but as usual things are never as bad as you expect. Lauren picked me up, like usual we got lost, it was an adventure. I had to reschedule my appointment so we wondered and and got food to kill time. I got in, got my injection. My doctor called me a whore. That made my day. I got a lecture on sexual safety, though the way she said it, she practically stated i shouldn't go around hyped up on drugs and alcohol and fuck strangers in dark alleyways. I love how even people with a uni grade education and years of real life experience still do not hesitate to jump to conclusions.
Facebook. God once stated, all uni students must abide by this doctrine. join. conform. worship. First of all I'm not so happy with the new streaming function, because i have joined more groups that i would have normally. Lately the groups i see people join are getting more and more stupid. I find it ironic people that don't go to uni are joining uni related sites, though i guess people are unhappy with their life choices and still seek to conform.
I can't seem to study for my legal foundations exam. It's my most horrid subject. Tomorrow I'm going to go give you tv, youtube, msn, facebook, myspace and even blogspot. There is that much work to go through and memorise by friday. So today is my last day of freedom pretty much. Thanks for the comments from people, it's appreciated to know that someone out there is actually paying attention when you have a breakdown.
zai jian再见.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Acerbity
I don't know why I'm angry, why little things that used to be insignificant just frustrate me soo much as of late, my hypothesis is probably cause I'm not getting laid so i have to look for an outlet in some other form.
Last night was good, for the most part. Good to see friends, epic battle with 7 year old, though i wasn't in the mood for a party, and i think it showed. Today wasn't grand either, just video gaming and talking with my sister. I just wanted to hit someone, I'm finding people intolerable even online, I'm sick of hearing about men bitch, granted it's what I'm doing now, but if you play video games, you do it for fun, you don't do it and bitch about someones inferiority, i mean like you're literally slaying dragons with a mouse and a couple of keyboard commands. Granted there is more to online gaming like that but i don't think the people that read this could or would even attempt to comprehend it so I'm simplifying so this doesn't turn into another 4 page rant like the previous one.
I have training tonight, i don't want to go. I'm going to have to take the warm up, which is something i really really can't be fucked doing right now. I've been trying to do what society claims ever man should do so I'm suppressing my rage, it's given me a migraine, thank you society. I heart you (not really).
I was planning on today's blog to be a cherry little one with all my intentions for the grand holidays, but no. I dread having to start studying for legal foundations, tomorrow i have to get vaccinations, i hate needles, i knew skipping out out school shots would catch up to me. I'm gonna go take drugs, regardless they may be just standard pain relief medication, but why face your problems when coles comes with little pills that can just make it all go away, kids taking unnecessary drugs; another one of societies strong points.
i'm still alive, but i'm barely breathing.
auf wiedersehen.
Last night was good, for the most part. Good to see friends, epic battle with 7 year old, though i wasn't in the mood for a party, and i think it showed. Today wasn't grand either, just video gaming and talking with my sister. I just wanted to hit someone, I'm finding people intolerable even online, I'm sick of hearing about men bitch, granted it's what I'm doing now, but if you play video games, you do it for fun, you don't do it and bitch about someones inferiority, i mean like you're literally slaying dragons with a mouse and a couple of keyboard commands. Granted there is more to online gaming like that but i don't think the people that read this could or would even attempt to comprehend it so I'm simplifying so this doesn't turn into another 4 page rant like the previous one.
I have training tonight, i don't want to go. I'm going to have to take the warm up, which is something i really really can't be fucked doing right now. I've been trying to do what society claims ever man should do so I'm suppressing my rage, it's given me a migraine, thank you society. I heart you (not really).
I was planning on today's blog to be a cherry little one with all my intentions for the grand holidays, but no. I dread having to start studying for legal foundations, tomorrow i have to get vaccinations, i hate needles, i knew skipping out out school shots would catch up to me. I'm gonna go take drugs, regardless they may be just standard pain relief medication, but why face your problems when coles comes with little pills that can just make it all go away, kids taking unnecessary drugs; another one of societies strong points.
i'm still alive, but i'm barely breathing.
auf wiedersehen.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Dejan's Verbal Mona Lisa
disclaimer; this blog may contain traces of nagging, ranting and side boob.
You win cruel world, Dejan is officially broken. I fear as if I'm not fun anymore. I feel 40. This week I've had numerous invitations to go out, and i have been turning them all down. OK so yeah I've dramatically lacked sleep this week because i have had three exams which i had to wake up at 6am for after a late nights of cramming, understandable that i didn't want to go consume large amounts of alcohol. Today i have a BBQ to go to, like i know i have to go but i would be reasonable just satisfied lying in bed watching a dvd; hence i have aged. I don't like this feeling, i want to be able to have fun with my friends, i know its a mind over matter thing, but i just feel like gravity is too powerful and i can't get out of this chair. I wish i was a superhero so i could just have a single costume i would wear on a regular basis that eliminated my need to to find matching attire.
I would constantly nag Karli about not going out, as it turns i have turned into a hotter version of Karli with a much bigger penis, better steer clear of Edward, last thing i want to do is infatuate him and then try to explain I'm not the real Karli. The point of this paragraph is that uni has a knack for draining the fun out of you.
Also i hate people. Or i will hate people by the end of the holidays. Numerous people from all walks of life have been getting on my nerves. I'm consistently under fire about people that seek to speculate and hypothesise about my objectives/motives/beliefs/sexuality and what not. I'm sure a large number of these people are just being spiteful purely on the basis that they want to fuck me, and like what can i say, i can't blame you: if i was you, I'd want me too. And i know there is a few of you here, Libby/Karli/Amanda who's jaws have just dropped because you've realised I've seen through your little plan. That or your cringing at my ego, either way, you'll have your chance with me in due time.
I find people that that just pathetic, i thought the whole thing would die after high school but it seems like that either people are still stuck in their pathetic little high school social cycle or the fact that they are intimidated at uni. Like deal with it, you're at the bottom of the social food chain again. We did it in grade 1, grade 8 and now first year. I know the feeling, i know that I'm screwed in the sense of relationships cause there are a lot more better looking, older, employed guys to compete with, though you don't see me bitching about what people are wearing or make remarks about peoples sexuality in attempts to boost my masculinity in hopes that women would be impressive with my verbal dominance and sleep with me, i do it purely for entertainment. My life always has and always will be about making people laugh, because that is the feeling that i enjoy more than anything else, even sex. If it means that i say things, do things or tell stories that you will compel you to make remarks about my sexuality, you're a tool, no other way to put it.
I've grown up a lot this year, I've done a lot of things. Some which i regret, some which i needed to grow and learn, some which i regret telling other people about and some that i should have told people about. My theory is that i won't be able to fully connect with people until they first of all get over the high school phase and stop bitching about their friends, gossiping about people you don't associate with is fine with me, it brightens up my day most of the time. The second thing is I want people to get of their high horse, you are no better than me or anyone else, apart from mature age students. Also people need to find the equilibrium between their social life and uni/work. Too much of one side is going to turn you into a intolerable person.
Other things that have been bugging me as of late. Mood swings in women, and in some men. Seriously it is not attractive and I've started ignoring people that go uncontrollably. Like one minute you're happy and we're friends, then you hate me, then you're depressed then you need me, then out of no where you value this random stranger soo much more than me regardless if you've only met them five minutes ago and the only conversation you've had is about the life cycle of stick insects but it doesn't matter because you guys are now fucking soul mates and you totally have each other in your msn names with (L) and all that shit. go die please.
She went to Runcorn State High School and she wax's vagina for a living. She finds adding nail polish a all too difficult task. She loves a man one day, hates him the next, followed by their engagement the following. Facebook keeps telling her that she is horrible at sex, yet i fear she will attempt to reproduce. She uses the fortune cookie application yet she doesn't have the IQ to understand that the fortune cookie gives her a metaphor, not a literal religious commandment that she needs to abide by. I hate you beyond all reasonable doubt.
There is a certain someone who is attracted to me. I don't have to see them but they still persist in me falling in love with them at some stage. It will never happen, i can't stand you. You are beyond creepy and stop stalking me. Seriously, i couldn't ever bring myself to be around you yet alone be intimate with you. I would rather sodomise a hibernating grizzly bear.
Movember, a well worthy cause, i know its needed cause men are stupid when it comes to their health. Take me for example, but surely there's a way of doing it without making men look like rapist and then sending them over to France to kick a ball around with school aged children, if the notion that all Australian's rode around on kangaroo's wasn't bad enough, now people will just assume that we ride them around and go pillaging women and escape because current forensic technology can't identify kangaroo tracks like cars, either that or we live in little huts because Australia is a clear identical representation of Tatooine. The fact that our Prime Minister and Treasurer look like the same person cuts their hair, doesn't help us boost our public imagine. Government please address my problems with Australia's global identity.
Though this year hasn't been a total waste, I've sifted through friendships and ended things with some people. I've because aware that I can't be that little kid because there are a lot more things i need to handle. I still look look forward to being 22-24. Because i think that's the age that people will grow up, but not grow old. I've also made some really good friendships. One with a person who can always make me laugh and i can tell just about anything to her and she won't judge me. One with a pair who i assume will reproduce after they discover they want to sleep with each other, though uni would be intolerable without you two. Another is one who my friendship with has been nothing but classy and of the highest moral standard, regardless he can make me laugh and always talks about something alternative, which is great cause i grow tired about mainstream conversations after a while. I think I'll end it here for the time being.
au revoir et salut.
You win cruel world, Dejan is officially broken. I fear as if I'm not fun anymore. I feel 40. This week I've had numerous invitations to go out, and i have been turning them all down. OK so yeah I've dramatically lacked sleep this week because i have had three exams which i had to wake up at 6am for after a late nights of cramming, understandable that i didn't want to go consume large amounts of alcohol. Today i have a BBQ to go to, like i know i have to go but i would be reasonable just satisfied lying in bed watching a dvd; hence i have aged. I don't like this feeling, i want to be able to have fun with my friends, i know its a mind over matter thing, but i just feel like gravity is too powerful and i can't get out of this chair. I wish i was a superhero so i could just have a single costume i would wear on a regular basis that eliminated my need to to find matching attire.
I would constantly nag Karli about not going out, as it turns i have turned into a hotter version of Karli with a much bigger penis, better steer clear of Edward, last thing i want to do is infatuate him and then try to explain I'm not the real Karli. The point of this paragraph is that uni has a knack for draining the fun out of you.
Also i hate people. Or i will hate people by the end of the holidays. Numerous people from all walks of life have been getting on my nerves. I'm consistently under fire about people that seek to speculate and hypothesise about my objectives/motives/beliefs/sexuality and what not. I'm sure a large number of these people are just being spiteful purely on the basis that they want to fuck me, and like what can i say, i can't blame you: if i was you, I'd want me too. And i know there is a few of you here, Libby/Karli/Amanda who's jaws have just dropped because you've realised I've seen through your little plan. That or your cringing at my ego, either way, you'll have your chance with me in due time.
I find people that that just pathetic, i thought the whole thing would die after high school but it seems like that either people are still stuck in their pathetic little high school social cycle or the fact that they are intimidated at uni. Like deal with it, you're at the bottom of the social food chain again. We did it in grade 1, grade 8 and now first year. I know the feeling, i know that I'm screwed in the sense of relationships cause there are a lot more better looking, older, employed guys to compete with, though you don't see me bitching about what people are wearing or make remarks about peoples sexuality in attempts to boost my masculinity in hopes that women would be impressive with my verbal dominance and sleep with me, i do it purely for entertainment. My life always has and always will be about making people laugh, because that is the feeling that i enjoy more than anything else, even sex. If it means that i say things, do things or tell stories that you will compel you to make remarks about my sexuality, you're a tool, no other way to put it.
I've grown up a lot this year, I've done a lot of things. Some which i regret, some which i needed to grow and learn, some which i regret telling other people about and some that i should have told people about. My theory is that i won't be able to fully connect with people until they first of all get over the high school phase and stop bitching about their friends, gossiping about people you don't associate with is fine with me, it brightens up my day most of the time. The second thing is I want people to get of their high horse, you are no better than me or anyone else, apart from mature age students. Also people need to find the equilibrium between their social life and uni/work. Too much of one side is going to turn you into a intolerable person.
Other things that have been bugging me as of late. Mood swings in women, and in some men. Seriously it is not attractive and I've started ignoring people that go uncontrollably. Like one minute you're happy and we're friends, then you hate me, then you're depressed then you need me, then out of no where you value this random stranger soo much more than me regardless if you've only met them five minutes ago and the only conversation you've had is about the life cycle of stick insects but it doesn't matter because you guys are now fucking soul mates and you totally have each other in your msn names with (L) and all that shit. go die please.
She went to Runcorn State High School and she wax's vagina for a living. She finds adding nail polish a all too difficult task. She loves a man one day, hates him the next, followed by their engagement the following. Facebook keeps telling her that she is horrible at sex, yet i fear she will attempt to reproduce. She uses the fortune cookie application yet she doesn't have the IQ to understand that the fortune cookie gives her a metaphor, not a literal religious commandment that she needs to abide by. I hate you beyond all reasonable doubt.
There is a certain someone who is attracted to me. I don't have to see them but they still persist in me falling in love with them at some stage. It will never happen, i can't stand you. You are beyond creepy and stop stalking me. Seriously, i couldn't ever bring myself to be around you yet alone be intimate with you. I would rather sodomise a hibernating grizzly bear.
Movember, a well worthy cause, i know its needed cause men are stupid when it comes to their health. Take me for example, but surely there's a way of doing it without making men look like rapist and then sending them over to France to kick a ball around with school aged children, if the notion that all Australian's rode around on kangaroo's wasn't bad enough, now people will just assume that we ride them around and go pillaging women and escape because current forensic technology can't identify kangaroo tracks like cars, either that or we live in little huts because Australia is a clear identical representation of Tatooine. The fact that our Prime Minister and Treasurer look like the same person cuts their hair, doesn't help us boost our public imagine. Government please address my problems with Australia's global identity.
Though this year hasn't been a total waste, I've sifted through friendships and ended things with some people. I've because aware that I can't be that little kid because there are a lot more things i need to handle. I still look look forward to being 22-24. Because i think that's the age that people will grow up, but not grow old. I've also made some really good friendships. One with a person who can always make me laugh and i can tell just about anything to her and she won't judge me. One with a pair who i assume will reproduce after they discover they want to sleep with each other, though uni would be intolerable without you two. Another is one who my friendship with has been nothing but classy and of the highest moral standard, regardless he can make me laugh and always talks about something alternative, which is great cause i grow tired about mainstream conversations after a while. I think I'll end it here for the time being.
au revoir et salut.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
To God; As Promised
So for the past week, I've been beyond freaking out.
The life of Dejan was surely getting irrational and overwhelming.
For those of you that i didn't inform our tale begins a long time ago. Where a young pale boy thought that the fact that dragons didn't exist was the most heartbreaking and depressing thing in his life, until he found that he might have had a one night stand with someone that was HIV+.
I didn't intend on writing this blog, but last night while praying, i told god i would, as some means of salvaging my life. This was when i broke down. I cried like a 5 year old girl realising that Santa was nothing more than her father trying to inspire hope, but hope was the one thing that was lacking in my life.
The following morning, along with my trusted steed made haste to the Sexual Health and HIV clinic in the city, and i got tested. Waiting was indescribable, i couldn't eat that day. I felt ashamed, especially running into someone i knew. Em did her best to cheer me up, it was welcomed. Thank you Sex-a-holics anonymous sign for making our day, that and the transgender lady that looked like cross-dresser from Little Britain USA.
The questions themselves were painful enough than the actually examination. I had to list my recent sexual partners, what i did with each of them and when. I was scared shitless, beyond that even. I froze, i knew how many sexual partners I've had, though for some reason i could not for the love of me think of when i did them and in which order. Never had i felt so, degraded?
The past week i have been freaking out, Thank you Karli and Lauren for being on call. Lauren without you consistently distracting me i don't know how i would've managed. I was honestly going crazy, i was consistently examining myself in case of lumps or bumps, i would freak out every time i went to the bathroom cause if you frequent the bathroom more than usual, its a sign of HIV. I would freak out if any part of me was remotely itchy or sore, or just simply looked different to what it should be. I visited so many sites in attempts to calm my nerves and read about my statistical changes of getting infected. Even my taste in music changed, i went from robust cheery/punk to the likes of The Script and John Mayer. Last night i couldn't sleep, this morning was far worse, i didn't have the courage to make the call, to some extent i was preparing myself for living with HIV.
Luckily and officially i am still HIV-. I've never been more content with life that right now. I've come to realise that some people just can't comfort you, while others excel. I've come to realise a few things, for the next while I'm gonna be celibate, more or less. I can't see myself consummating anytime in the near future. I'm also sick of being in this house, i hate that i didn't do anything for Halloween aside from study and procrastinate. So this is my blog to God, make of it what you will, i don't care if you believe or not, but i do and will continue to.
This experience has changed me, like I'm not gonna take life for granted anymore. I'm still that kid in high school that thought STD's were something that would never happen to him, that's still incredibly self couscous and still afraid of the dark, but I've grown up since then. It's time to resume life, listen to the words of John Mayer and make the most out of it.
Amen.
The life of Dejan was surely getting irrational and overwhelming.
For those of you that i didn't inform our tale begins a long time ago. Where a young pale boy thought that the fact that dragons didn't exist was the most heartbreaking and depressing thing in his life, until he found that he might have had a one night stand with someone that was HIV+.
I didn't intend on writing this blog, but last night while praying, i told god i would, as some means of salvaging my life. This was when i broke down. I cried like a 5 year old girl realising that Santa was nothing more than her father trying to inspire hope, but hope was the one thing that was lacking in my life.
The following morning, along with my trusted steed made haste to the Sexual Health and HIV clinic in the city, and i got tested. Waiting was indescribable, i couldn't eat that day. I felt ashamed, especially running into someone i knew. Em did her best to cheer me up, it was welcomed. Thank you Sex-a-holics anonymous sign for making our day, that and the transgender lady that looked like cross-dresser from Little Britain USA.
The questions themselves were painful enough than the actually examination. I had to list my recent sexual partners, what i did with each of them and when. I was scared shitless, beyond that even. I froze, i knew how many sexual partners I've had, though for some reason i could not for the love of me think of when i did them and in which order. Never had i felt so, degraded?
The past week i have been freaking out, Thank you Karli and Lauren for being on call. Lauren without you consistently distracting me i don't know how i would've managed. I was honestly going crazy, i was consistently examining myself in case of lumps or bumps, i would freak out every time i went to the bathroom cause if you frequent the bathroom more than usual, its a sign of HIV. I would freak out if any part of me was remotely itchy or sore, or just simply looked different to what it should be. I visited so many sites in attempts to calm my nerves and read about my statistical changes of getting infected. Even my taste in music changed, i went from robust cheery/punk to the likes of The Script and John Mayer. Last night i couldn't sleep, this morning was far worse, i didn't have the courage to make the call, to some extent i was preparing myself for living with HIV.
Luckily and officially i am still HIV-. I've never been more content with life that right now. I've come to realise that some people just can't comfort you, while others excel. I've come to realise a few things, for the next while I'm gonna be celibate, more or less. I can't see myself consummating anytime in the near future. I'm also sick of being in this house, i hate that i didn't do anything for Halloween aside from study and procrastinate. So this is my blog to God, make of it what you will, i don't care if you believe or not, but i do and will continue to.
This experience has changed me, like I'm not gonna take life for granted anymore. I'm still that kid in high school that thought STD's were something that would never happen to him, that's still incredibly self couscous and still afraid of the dark, but I've grown up since then. It's time to resume life, listen to the words of John Mayer and make the most out of it.
Amen.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Manic Monday
so today was weird.
i was so scared.
my stomach churned so much.
i hated the waiting room.
thanks to the people that helped in the last 24 hours.
I saw someone from uni.
I saw a transsexual.
i almost threw up so many times out of fear.
i haven't eaten properly today.
and I'm lacking sleep.
and i have training in a few hours.
I'm wearing a jumper so my parents don't see the bruise.
today i did something unorthodox.
i was completely and utterly honest.
well 99% honest.
i have to give information on parts of my life
that i would rather not want anyone to know about
detailed information.
i felt like i was on trail.
i felt dirty, worthless, seedy.
it had to be done, i love that she said fuck.
literally that word made me at ease.
regardless I'm still scared as fuck.
though I'm glad she gave me stats.
its what i needed, it made me feel better.
the diagrams helped too.
i hit uni today.
for the first time since grade 10 maths.
i have failed assessment.
i talked it over with my tutor.
he gave me advice on what to study.
and convinced me not to drop two subjects.
so it looks like ill be cramming overtime.
today was dreadful
now i have to wait a week.
i dread making the call.
i want to do it at home.
at least that way no one will see me cry.
i was so scared.
my stomach churned so much.
i hated the waiting room.
thanks to the people that helped in the last 24 hours.
I saw someone from uni.
I saw a transsexual.
i almost threw up so many times out of fear.
i haven't eaten properly today.
and I'm lacking sleep.
and i have training in a few hours.
I'm wearing a jumper so my parents don't see the bruise.
today i did something unorthodox.
i was completely and utterly honest.
well 99% honest.
i have to give information on parts of my life
that i would rather not want anyone to know about
detailed information.
i felt like i was on trail.
i felt dirty, worthless, seedy.
it had to be done, i love that she said fuck.
literally that word made me at ease.
regardless I'm still scared as fuck.
though I'm glad she gave me stats.
its what i needed, it made me feel better.
the diagrams helped too.
i hit uni today.
for the first time since grade 10 maths.
i have failed assessment.
i talked it over with my tutor.
he gave me advice on what to study.
and convinced me not to drop two subjects.
so it looks like ill be cramming overtime.
today was dreadful
now i have to wait a week.
i dread making the call.
i want to do it at home.
at least that way no one will see me cry.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Shake it
This year is coming to a close.
Today marks the end of uni tuts and lecs.
It honestly couldn't have come soon enough.
I'm somewhat crushed.
I found out that i failed two pieces of assessment.
Different subjects, 10% each but still.
I know i deserve it i didn't give uni enough priority.
I refuse to let this soul sucking abyss crush my social life.
I hit DFO yesterday. Spent half of my savings account.
FML, Lauren your a bad influence but a good assistant.
Our 2 hour ride home and maccas was priceless, truly wonderful.
Clubbing this weekend with Danni, Lesbo and various other folk.
I'm stoked about getting 'manda her birthday card, i already know which one.
I'm back online, its nice to be back, people actually genuinely seemed to have missed me. Also somethings amiss at uni, people are acting differently, but i have no idea why, I'm trying to not let it get to me. I'm glad my blogs hit people other countries, its a nice feeling.
Looking forward to the holiday, to the sleep.
Going to SA for a bit to see Gabi and meet her friends.
Kinda nervous. Oh and will have my soundwave tick soon.
Today marks the end of uni tuts and lecs.
It honestly couldn't have come soon enough.
I'm somewhat crushed.
I found out that i failed two pieces of assessment.
Different subjects, 10% each but still.
I know i deserve it i didn't give uni enough priority.
I refuse to let this soul sucking abyss crush my social life.
I hit DFO yesterday. Spent half of my savings account.
FML, Lauren your a bad influence but a good assistant.
Our 2 hour ride home and maccas was priceless, truly wonderful.
Clubbing this weekend with Danni, Lesbo and various other folk.
I'm stoked about getting 'manda her birthday card, i already know which one.
I'm back online, its nice to be back, people actually genuinely seemed to have missed me. Also somethings amiss at uni, people are acting differently, but i have no idea why, I'm trying to not let it get to me. I'm glad my blogs hit people other countries, its a nice feeling.
Looking forward to the holiday, to the sleep.
Going to SA for a bit to see Gabi and meet her friends.
Kinda nervous. Oh and will have my soundwave tick soon.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
So this is it
I'll probably never see her again.
I only found out she was leaving today.
I didn't know what to say;
The goodbye was horrible, I'm sorry.
So this is it.
Birthday tonight.
Alcohol and a fake smile.
Pretend everything's alright;
So no one asks you whats wrong.
It's less painful this way, much less painful.
=)
I only found out she was leaving today.
I didn't know what to say;
The goodbye was horrible, I'm sorry.
So this is it.
Birthday tonight.
Alcohol and a fake smile.
Pretend everything's alright;
So no one asks you whats wrong.
It's less painful this way, much less painful.
=)
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Champ
I have a lot on my plate.
Dejan don't like this. Dejan does not like this one bit.
There was a time where i liked deep meaningful questions.
Fuck that shit these days.
People fail at life, it's obvious.
Our prime minister is a twit.
Though I've come to find many people have his standard of communication.
Or lack-there off. Especially though with a uni-grade education.
I still don't know how to comprehend what mother told me today.
I don't want to do my legal foundation exam.
I don't feel like doing anything, nothing excites me.
And i literally, honestly and testosteroneally mean it.
What do you do when you believe in nothing,
And your best isn't good enough.
(i also today beat the pokemon league)
(boo-yah)
Dejan don't like this. Dejan does not like this one bit.
There was a time where i liked deep meaningful questions.
Fuck that shit these days.
People fail at life, it's obvious.
Our prime minister is a twit.
Though I've come to find many people have his standard of communication.
Or lack-there off. Especially though with a uni-grade education.
I still don't know how to comprehend what mother told me today.
I don't want to do my legal foundation exam.
I don't feel like doing anything, nothing excites me.
And i literally, honestly and testosteroneally mean it.
What do you do when you believe in nothing,
And your best isn't good enough.
(i also today beat the pokemon league)
(boo-yah)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Superman
I still feel like shit.
Though i have no time for that.
The world calls.
*rips of overcoat in a masculine manor*
Today was been overwhelming.
Today was been overwhelming.
Not physically but emotional and psychologically.
I had a friend call me in tears.
I instantaneously stopped thinking about 'them'.
And turned to the issue at hand.
I had a friend call me in tears.
I instantaneously stopped thinking about 'them'.
And turned to the issue at hand.
I come home, mums on the phone panicking.
Sladjana's looks shell shocked.
What's wrong i wonder?
I won't go into detail.
I won't go into detail.
Though now my family is in crisis mode.
Domestic Violence
Affair's
Divorce
(not my folks, extended family)
Divorce
(not my folks, extended family)
Also a friend from uni is also having trouble with his love life.
Women are bitches.
In 3.5 hours.
I have to somehow forget about all this.
In 3.5 hours.
I have to somehow forget about all this.
To go to training.
Oh how i yearn to be criticized.
Oh how i yearn to be criticized.
My gradings in 10 days?
I am no where near ready.
Oh god, i hate October.
If the clouds don't clear
I am no where near ready.
Oh god, i hate October.
If the clouds don't clear
Then well rise above it,
well rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we use to,
just like we use to
Lets take it back
Before it all went wrong
Before the worst - The Script
Just Peachy II
OK, so I'm sorry i chased after something.
I've learnt my place. I wont pursue happiness.
A wonderful night of self-loathing planned.
It seems hard for people to comfort.
A few basic sentences, non longer than 10 words.
Was it always like this in high school?
I talk to my sister, something goes down.
It's like a community event, everyone must get in.
For those that did say something, thanks.
For those that didn't, thanks.
I spend too much time at uni.
I guess that's where my place is.
I get told there's a reason to all this.
I find it harder and harder to see.
I give up, you win the war.
God/Karma/Who ever you are.
You win. (y)
I've learnt my place. I wont pursue happiness.
A wonderful night of self-loathing planned.
It seems hard for people to comfort.
A few basic sentences, non longer than 10 words.
Was it always like this in high school?
I talk to my sister, something goes down.
It's like a community event, everyone must get in.
For those that did say something, thanks.
For those that didn't, thanks.
I spend too much time at uni.
I guess that's where my place is.
I get told there's a reason to all this.
I find it harder and harder to see.
I give up, you win the war.
God/Karma/Who ever you are.
You win. (y)
Monday, October 5, 2009
Libby the esurient
This will be a good week.
Today's been good.
Waking up at 7 was shit house.
Today's been good.
Waking up at 7 was shit house.
Lecture was meh.
Spent the two hours yawning, doodling and distracting.
Spent the two hours yawning, doodling and distracting.
I told a few of kids from uni about my holiday experience.
Joe's jaw dropping reaction was the most amusing.
I don't mind being the but of ever joke.
If it makes people happy.
I had lunch was Lauren.
Which was cool, first time seeing her in so long.
Regardless that i may talk to her most nights.
If it makes people happy.
I had lunch was Lauren.
Which was cool, first time seeing her in so long.
Regardless that i may talk to her most nights.
I planned my week.
Seeing friends tomorrow and thur.
Seeing friends tomorrow and thur.
Seeing up on the weekend.
Perhaps something spontaneous on Friday.
Because of the dearly loved Lex Survey
Perhaps something spontaneous on Friday.
Because of the dearly loved Lex Survey
They law faculty has called upon the force and candy.
To get us to do our surveys.
How could i refuse princess Leia?
I can't find most of my songs on my external harddrive.
Though i refuse to let that dampen my week.
It shall be a good week.
Libby: sorry about the blog title.
(Couldnt think of anything else.)
Libby: sorry about the blog title.
(Couldnt think of anything else.)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Holidays concluded
first and foremost; i hate Magda Szubanski.
More so than i hate anyone else at this stage in my life.
Today was been a somewhat productive day.
Nothings gone horribly wrong, so it's a good day.
3 gym badges closer to the Pokemon league (H).
Pokedex has hit like 91 or something, quite impressive for a week.
Hayley's birthday was amazing.
An amazing race for us.
Pokedex has hit like 91 or something, quite impressive for a week.
Hayley's birthday was amazing.
An amazing race for us.
We were put into teams.
I had Em, Court and Bonnie.
And a list of clues.
One clue to the next, and you had to fill out a questionnaire.
I had Em, Court and Bonnie.
And a list of clues.
One clue to the next, and you had to fill out a questionnaire.
About houses/streets/signs/geographic locations. etc.
We came 4th.
Still i was soo much fun.
Best sober 18th ever.
Some things don't seem to change.
At the BBQ after the race, i was kinda lonered.
Some things don't seem to change.
At the BBQ after the race, i was kinda lonered.
Migrating between Tim-Dan, Amy and Em.
There we're some people there i didn't enjoy.
There we're some people there i didn't enjoy.
I had the pleasure of having someone glare at me all day.
Yeah i know, i lost weight and got hotter, deal with it.
I had the joys of hearing about women degrade themselves.
Yeah i know, i lost weight and got hotter, deal with it.
I had the joys of hearing about women degrade themselves.
I got some horrid horrid images i didn't need.
Also while we are out of high school.
These girls couldn't pass up the opportunity to bitch.
These girls couldn't pass up the opportunity to bitch.
For those that read my facebook status that day.
I think i would take the frenulum tear over her company.
thus life goes on.
Uni tomorrow.
I think i would take the frenulum tear over her company.
thus life goes on.
Uni tomorrow.
joy...
I tried to study today.
But the site's down.
Perhaps more Pokemon then?
This week wasn't that great.
Perhaps more Pokemon then?
This week wasn't that great.
Wasn't all that horrid either.
Here's hoping more something better to come.
=)
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
For Karli and Em
In response to Karli and Emelia.
I didn't mean it sarcastically. You know you two are two of my best friends. I meant it as a personal thing. Why is it that i can hold a conversation easier with someone i don't know all that well in comparison to someone i spent 5 years of high school with. At first i thought maybe it's cause they know me too well, but the fact is i rarely see you guys, so why can't we have a conversation like we used to.
I'm gonna go with the idea that it's because i flirt with people that i didn't go to school with. Whether it's serious not or not i do it to pass time. Are sexual innuendo's how to i maintain conversations?
I didn't mean it sarcastically. You know you two are two of my best friends. I meant it as a personal thing. Why is it that i can hold a conversation easier with someone i don't know all that well in comparison to someone i spent 5 years of high school with. At first i thought maybe it's cause they know me too well, but the fact is i rarely see you guys, so why can't we have a conversation like we used to.
I'm gonna go with the idea that it's because i flirt with people that i didn't go to school with. Whether it's serious not or not i do it to pass time. Are sexual innuendo's how to i maintain conversations?
Gerascophobia
Oh this week has sucked ever so much.
First off all there all the bleeding.
The loss of dignity and ego.
Then i found my online account was hacked.
RMT's stole everything from ffxi.
Now i can't play for 2 weeks.
So SE can try and get my shit back.
The loss of dignity and ego.
Then i found my online account was hacked.
RMT's stole everything from ffxi.
Now i can't play for 2 weeks.
So SE can try and get my shit back.
Tomorrow's my sisters birthday.
My cousins being realised from prison on thursday.
The highlight of my day today is playing online checkers.
My cousins being realised from prison on thursday.
The highlight of my day today is playing online checkers.
I feel old.
I've restarted Pokemon Diamond.
In the pursuit of getting a Lickitung.
I don't know if i want to do Justice anymore.
Like i prefer it over law and stuff.
But if i was a decent job, like a intel officer.
I have to go work in another state.
& very much so live a lie.
I can't tell people what i do.
I can't see the people i see now.
My cousin does it for a living.
He visits Brisbane like for like 2 weeks a year.
Like i get he gets to travel and what not.
Though i don't want to live a lie.
It hurts but its not bleeding.
Why is it when i go onto msn.
Why is it when i go onto msn.
It's always people i didn't go to school that talk to me?
Like the only time i can carry on a conversation
Like the only time i can carry on a conversation
With one of my "Best Friends" is when i have a story to tell.
When happens when i turn 25.
& Stop doing the crazy shit i am now?
What will replace the frenulum stories?
What i wouldn't do for a Bellsprout.
When happens when i turn 25.
& Stop doing the crazy shit i am now?
What will replace the frenulum stories?
What i wouldn't do for a Bellsprout.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Never Say Never
So it's been a week.
A heart-clenching, nauseating, regrettable, irreversible week.
A lot of shit went down, though I'm not all that keen on reminiscing.
Though i feel obligated to mention a few things.
Dejan's view of the world from his beloved fence.
This one got to me, i have no idea why though.
I'm generally used to my parent's trying to run my laugh.
Dejan's view of the world from his beloved fence.
This one got to me, i have no idea why though.
I'm generally used to my parent's trying to run my laugh.
Careers, girls i date, what i do in my spare time.
It's routine, i do it so my sister doesn't get it.
Though never did i except it from my friends.
I blocked people out for a while after that.
Personally i gotta thank Gabi and her spider-sense.
Just before i published my blog. She called.
It kinda honestly meant the world to me.
She knew what i was going though.
Cause she went through it herself.
She doesn't get the whole 'Serbian Family' thing.
Though her advice just kinda needed.
I consulted a psychologist that night.
I talked with a mentor/role model from uni about it.
It's routine, i do it so my sister doesn't get it.
Though never did i except it from my friends.
I blocked people out for a while after that.
Personally i gotta thank Gabi and her spider-sense.
Just before i published my blog. She called.
It kinda honestly meant the world to me.
She knew what i was going though.
Cause she went through it herself.
She doesn't get the whole 'Serbian Family' thing.
Though her advice just kinda needed.
I consulted a psychologist that night.
I talked with a mentor/role model from uni about it.
& a few other people that had some idea what i was going through.
The most amusing repose suggested which made me laugh was;
The most amusing repose suggested which made me laugh was;
From the psychologist; Honestly, just tell all your friends to go fuck off.
He has a degree that I will consider it.
He was right non the less.
It's my life, they had no right to interfere.
It's my choice, it doesn't affect them.
He has a degree that I will consider it.
He was right non the less.
It's my life, they had no right to interfere.
It's my choice, it doesn't affect them.
As much as i would like to say the experience hasn't effected me.
It has, just a lack of faith in friends.
I'm trying to be open, though it fails.
People have not let it go.
Assignments are finally over.
I'm working on getting rested.
I had an awesome plan to go out last night.
Epic fail.
I'm trying to be open, though it fails.
People have not let it go.
Assignments are finally over.
I'm working on getting rested.
I had an awesome plan to go out last night.
Epic fail.
Though i would like to Amanda for offering her place.
Just made it highly amusing.
Realisations:
Crushes are not worth pursuing.
Questions:
Should i point out your flaws?
Just made it highly amusing.
Realisations:
Crushes are not worth pursuing.
Questions:
Should i point out your flaws?
Somethings we don't talk about.
Rather do without.
Just hold a smile.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
tribute
i'm sorry i forgot.
a few days ago.
three years ago.
a special kid was murdered.
rip.
m.a.s
forever young.
forever young.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
A good weekend ruined
Buckle Up and Arm Yourselves.
It's ranting time.
People are fucked up.
This weekend has been quite controversial.
Shit happened and i made the mistake of informing people.
Why do we a narcissistic need to confine people to a logo.
We must place people with a title, into a little box,
It's ranting time.
People are fucked up.
This weekend has been quite controversial.
Shit happened and i made the mistake of informing people.
Why do we a narcissistic need to confine people to a logo.
We must place people with a title, into a little box,
Where this title defines who they are, so our little world makes sense.
I do it.
You do it.
We all do it.
Some more than others.
I do it.
You do it.
We all do it.
Some more than others.
I raised 'hypothetical situations' to certain people.
Only to see their face alter.'
It is soo fucked up.
I don't mean in regards to stabbing someone in the back.
Just the irony of of claiming to be someone else.
Why do you think you know what's best for me.
Why must i fit into your little world.
Why must it actually mean something.
Why do you seek to change my label.
Don't think you don't have a label.
We all do, you aren't aware of it.
What do you subconsciously label your friends?
Why?
Whose your best friend?
Whose your ranga?
Whose your fat friend?
Whose your whore of a friend?
Whose your gay friend?
Whose the airhead out of the group?
See my point?
I am rarely honest with people.
It only happens when I'm in a great mood.
Which lately happens less and less.
I'm probably more honest with my one night stands than you.
Because they're not gonna judge me.
They just want to fuck.
I don't have to be a label in their little world.
I am 18.
Most of you are as well.
You do not know what is best for you.
How dare you assume you know whats best for me?
I find it harder and harder to call you friends.
It does not have to be anything unless i chose it to be.
Cause you know why?
I'm gonna ignore all your advice, opinions and demands.
I'm gonna take my sweet as time.
AND SIT ON MYGODDAMN FUCKING FENCE.
Accept it or fuck off,
Only to see their face alter.'
It is soo fucked up.
I don't mean in regards to stabbing someone in the back.
Just the irony of of claiming to be someone else.
Why do you think you know what's best for me.
Why must i fit into your little world.
Why must it actually mean something.
Why do you seek to change my label.
Don't think you don't have a label.
We all do, you aren't aware of it.
What do you subconsciously label your friends?
Why?
Whose your best friend?
Whose your ranga?
Whose your fat friend?
Whose your whore of a friend?
Whose your gay friend?
Whose the airhead out of the group?
See my point?
I am rarely honest with people.
It only happens when I'm in a great mood.
Which lately happens less and less.
I'm probably more honest with my one night stands than you.
Because they're not gonna judge me.
They just want to fuck.
I don't have to be a label in their little world.
I am 18.
Most of you are as well.
You do not know what is best for you.
How dare you assume you know whats best for me?
I find it harder and harder to call you friends.
It does not have to be anything unless i chose it to be.
Cause you know why?
I'm gonna ignore all your advice, opinions and demands.
I'm gonna take my sweet as time.
AND SIT ON MYGODDAMN FUCKING FENCE.
Accept it or fuck off,
Your truly,
Dejan Tomasovic.
The boy on the fence.
Dejan Tomasovic.
The boy on the fence.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Almost there
I have survived the bulk of my assessment.
I have one more piece then I'm done.
Aside from the end of semester exam.
Life's going pretty good.
I've come to the conclusion people don't change.
Unless they go into a relationship.
Which depends on who its with.
Also, people need to have more sex.
People bitch way too much.'
I've come to the conclusion people don't change.
Unless they go into a relationship.
Which depends on who its with.
Also, people need to have more sex.
People bitch way too much.'
About other people, about insignificant matters.
And it's always those who aren't getting any.
Seriously, bring back friends with benefits.
And it's always those who aren't getting any.
Seriously, bring back friends with benefits.
Today i caught up with Joe.
Even though we go to uni together.
We haven't talked in ages.
Even though we go to uni together.
We haven't talked in ages.
I also ran into Lisa.
For those remember we were partners in the School Musical.
I really don't want to do my memorandum.
For those remember we were partners in the School Musical.
I really don't want to do my memorandum.
I wagged all lectures this week.
Skipped a tutorial, cause my tutor is a cow.
Skipped a tutorial, cause my tutor is a cow.
That i would love to strangle.
I also want a wii.
Someone buy me one!
Someone buy me one!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Forever Young
Em's 18, fun, well needed.
Trivial Pursuit, quite amusing.
Trivial pursuit without pants, more amusing.
Even if i was the only one who depantsed.
Today was weird, i was gonna complain about you all.
For your lack of blogs, and it seems like you all wrote one today.
We'll 80% anyway.
I hate legal foundations.
I hate uni.
This semester hasn't gone to plan.
Oh well soon it'll be over.
Today was rough.
Like the biggest understatement.
I've decided to write cause i need a break.
Sick of choking back tears.
Libby, a real man can admit it.
Though i won't cry tonight.
September.
Holds quite a few memories.
One not so pleasant that i recall ever since hearing it on the news.
The death of someone, our age.
Nonsensical mindless violent killing.
The anniversary of his death creeps ever so much closer.
I have still yet to figure out if i knew this kid.
Though in the past 3 year's he's given me quite a lot.
He's a huge influence on my ego;
Trivial Pursuit, quite amusing.
Trivial pursuit without pants, more amusing.
Even if i was the only one who depantsed.
Today was weird, i was gonna complain about you all.
For your lack of blogs, and it seems like you all wrote one today.
We'll 80% anyway.
I hate legal foundations.
I hate uni.
This semester hasn't gone to plan.
Oh well soon it'll be over.
Today was rough.
Like the biggest understatement.
I've decided to write cause i need a break.
Sick of choking back tears.
Libby, a real man can admit it.
Though i won't cry tonight.
September.
Holds quite a few memories.
One not so pleasant that i recall ever since hearing it on the news.
The death of someone, our age.
Nonsensical mindless violent killing.
The anniversary of his death creeps ever so much closer.
I have still yet to figure out if i knew this kid.
Though in the past 3 year's he's given me quite a lot.
He's a huge influence on my ego;
He's the general driving force my determination for continuing.
The reason i don't give up like others.
I still stride to be like him.
A memorable hero.
Who i hold in the up most regard.
Forever young,
I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever
The reason i don't give up like others.
I still stride to be like him.
A memorable hero.
Who i hold in the up most regard.
Forever young,
I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever
Friday, September 11, 2009
Let it come to an end
A decent blog is quite overdue.
Last semester i set out goals and objectives.
To be a better person,
Last semester i set out goals and objectives.
To be a better person,
epic fail.
I consistently wag lectures.
Never do my homework.
Leave assignments to the last minute.
Bullshit excessively.
Uni assessment is really just a utopia of lies.
I have yet to catch up with friends.
I just want this semester to come to a end.
I'm sick facades and false friendships.
I'm sick of the bitching.
I'm sick of the lack of sleep.
I'm sick of being unprepared.
I'm sick of thinking about you.
I need to get you out of my system.
One way or another.
Stalker's are weird and worry me.
I'm tired of always wanting more.
I'm sick of being you're dirty little secret.
I'm sick of people that wonder why i wont fuck them,
I consistently wag lectures.
Never do my homework.
Leave assignments to the last minute.
Bullshit excessively.
Uni assessment is really just a utopia of lies.
I have yet to catch up with friends.
I just want this semester to come to a end.
I'm sick facades and false friendships.
I'm sick of the bitching.
I'm sick of the lack of sleep.
I'm sick of being unprepared.
I'm sick of thinking about you.
I need to get you out of my system.
One way or another.
Stalker's are weird and worry me.
I'm tired of always wanting more.
I'm sick of being you're dirty little secret.
I'm sick of people that wonder why i wont fuck them,
When their in a relationship.
I'm sorry i have stupid morals that limit where my dick goes.
Last thing i want to happen is karma
I'm sorry i have stupid morals that limit where my dick goes.
Last thing i want to happen is karma
Putting me in that exact situation.
Good new's i found a decent job.
Though the more i think about it.
The slightly my chances seem.
Regardless i'm hopeful.
The next two weeks are going to be horrid.
Though after that I can work on peicing my life back togeather.
Clubbing, Drinking, Friends, Life's new experiences.
I'm also quite inflatuated with All Time Low - Dear Maria, Let me in.
Good new's i found a decent job.
Though the more i think about it.
The slightly my chances seem.
Regardless i'm hopeful.
The next two weeks are going to be horrid.
Though after that I can work on peicing my life back togeather.
Clubbing, Drinking, Friends, Life's new experiences.
I'm also quite inflatuated with All Time Low - Dear Maria, Let me in.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Optimum
Life's generally going good.
I'm making more and more friends.
I got a few 18th's coming up so it'll be good to see RSHS folk.
I only have 3 more pieces of assessment left.
A annotated bibliography.
A legal interview.
And some legal report.
Did a speech today.
Handed in a annotated bibliography.
I'm knackered.
I need to go clubbing again.
It's been far to long.
I'm going on 5 hours of sleep.
So i'll indepth blog soon.
I'm making more and more friends.
I got a few 18th's coming up so it'll be good to see RSHS folk.
I only have 3 more pieces of assessment left.
A annotated bibliography.
A legal interview.
And some legal report.
Did a speech today.
Handed in a annotated bibliography.
I'm knackered.
I need to go clubbing again.
It's been far to long.
I'm going on 5 hours of sleep.
So i'll indepth blog soon.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Arigato Mr Roboto
Coming home at 2am.
Worth it.
I've had a pretty fucking awesome week.
Got $1500 spending money.
$500 is staying with dad to build up interest.
I got my Xbox.
I did my multiple choice exam.
Some things did get me down.
I didn't get to see someone i wanted to.
People at uni are treating me differently.
I think i know why.
& if i'm right, its not my problem.
I haven't my high school friends in like a month.
I miss you hoes.
Last night was amusing.
Sexual conversations about the art of lasso.
Made me laugh so much.
Life's just good when you focus on the positives.
and!
Welcome Amanda to the blogspot cult.
Side note:
Waxing Girl.
I think we all know who I'm talking about?
Fucking idiot, i had to explain her facebook fortune cookie app.
Finding women appealing is growing more difficult by the minute.
Feminist, ignorance, fat chicks.
They day men become asexual, is the dawn of peace.
Till then i'll hope sex eventually does get better than Terriyaki Chicken.
Oh i failed with the coke.
I think i went a day and a half.
Started to get migraines.
I need to stop eventually.
Just not now.
Still nutella free though.
Worth it.
I've had a pretty fucking awesome week.
Got $1500 spending money.
$500 is staying with dad to build up interest.
I got my Xbox.
I did my multiple choice exam.
Some things did get me down.
I didn't get to see someone i wanted to.
People at uni are treating me differently.
I think i know why.
& if i'm right, its not my problem.
I haven't my high school friends in like a month.
I miss you hoes.
Last night was amusing.
Sexual conversations about the art of lasso.
Made me laugh so much.
Life's just good when you focus on the positives.
and!
Welcome Amanda to the blogspot cult.
Side note:
Waxing Girl.
I think we all know who I'm talking about?
Fucking idiot, i had to explain her facebook fortune cookie app.
Finding women appealing is growing more difficult by the minute.
Feminist, ignorance, fat chicks.
They day men become asexual, is the dawn of peace.
Till then i'll hope sex eventually does get better than Terriyaki Chicken.
Oh i failed with the coke.
I think i went a day and a half.
Started to get migraines.
I need to stop eventually.
Just not now.
Still nutella free though.
Monday, August 31, 2009
If this is it
Good news never goes unchallenged.
I hate the fact it appears as no one will let you be happy.
I've lined up my week with a bit of fun.
Today, coming to uni was the biggest mistake.
I've come to realise how much people love to bitch.
My uni group has decintergrated.
And ironically people blame me for it.
It's pointless, i know people are bitching about me.
I'm over it, i don't care.
You lose friends ever day.
I'm gonna try and focus on the positives.
Hopefully tomorrow will be kick ass.
Regardless, i've set a goal.
You know the get in shape by summer ones.
That we generally give up on because the heat makes us lazy.
70kg by Summer.
Gonna get back into my old exercise routine.
Gonna try and eat healthier.
I'm gonna go cold turkey on Coke.
& try to kick my nutella addiction.
Maybe give Tofu a go.
Ha, tofu, like that will ever happen.
Time to go research.
& resist all urges to make a huge as book fort.
I've lined up my week with a bit of fun.
Today, coming to uni was the biggest mistake.
I've come to realise how much people love to bitch.
My uni group has decintergrated.
And ironically people blame me for it.
It's pointless, i know people are bitching about me.
I'm over it, i don't care.
You lose friends ever day.
I'm gonna try and focus on the positives.
Hopefully tomorrow will be kick ass.
Regardless, i've set a goal.
You know the get in shape by summer ones.
That we generally give up on because the heat makes us lazy.
70kg by Summer.
Gonna get back into my old exercise routine.
Gonna try and eat healthier.
I'm gonna go cold turkey on Coke.
& try to kick my nutella addiction.
Maybe give Tofu a go.
Ha, tofu, like that will ever happen.
Time to go research.
& resist all urges to make a huge as book fort.
Where am i going?
Last night i wanted to write this cause i was feeling something.
That indescribably feeling, where you think you can fly.
Newton Faulkner is a legend.
'If this is it' made me think about so much.
I'm rethinking my life.
I haven't been the best friend.
That kills me.
I complain about certain people who don't stay in touch.
What if there's someone out there that does the same 'bout me.
I don't know.
The thing that kills me the most.
Is how much time i have given to my friends,
& not the family.
After drinking with the cousins, i see what i miss out on.
I know they think of me as 'the little one'.
It's not what i think of myself.
But still.
This weekend i'm gonna do something i've been fearing.
I'm gonna go visit my cousin in prison with his wife.
I know its sad to say, i haven't gone.
& hes been in there for five months.
The one thing that i fear the most.
Is letting him see me cry.
Training on saturday was awe inspiring.
All the guys aside from like 3 others are fasting.
It was nice to be welcomed into their culture.
Their prayers are beautiful.
Newton Faulkner is a legend.
'If this is it' made me think about so much.
I'm rethinking my life.
I haven't been the best friend.
That kills me.
I complain about certain people who don't stay in touch.
What if there's someone out there that does the same 'bout me.
I don't know.
The thing that kills me the most.
Is how much time i have given to my friends,
& not the family.
After drinking with the cousins, i see what i miss out on.
I know they think of me as 'the little one'.
It's not what i think of myself.
But still.
This weekend i'm gonna do something i've been fearing.
I'm gonna go visit my cousin in prison with his wife.
I know its sad to say, i haven't gone.
& hes been in there for five months.
The one thing that i fear the most.
Is letting him see me cry.
Training on saturday was awe inspiring.
All the guys aside from like 3 others are fasting.
It was nice to be welcomed into their culture.
Their prayers are beautiful.
Like i can't understand a word.
But there's just something about the singing.
My sparing partner is working to memorise the Koran.
Just him walking around recalling it word for word.
Much more than i could do, to be sure.
Today, i've reaffirmed my belief in fate.
I won't say why but you never know.
But there's just something about the singing.
My sparing partner is working to memorise the Koran.
Just him walking around recalling it word for word.
Much more than i could do, to be sure.
Today, i've reaffirmed my belief in fate.
I won't say why but you never know.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
150
Doesn't feel like that many blogs
It's not really that many blogs either
Last night i hit the coast for my cousins gf's bday
Last night i hit the coast for my cousins gf's bday
Haha ridding there with family predrinking was hilarious
I'm quite glad i made the decision to go
The party was kinda awkward
Everyone knew everyone, aside from me
Everyone was over 25 aside from me
Everyone there was coupled, aside from me
So i just drank alone to pass the time
Till they started talking about video games
Boy did i laugh, trying not to let on how much i play
But after a while, when everyone got drunk
It was nice, i made small talk
Caught up with my family
I found it weird when Serbians get drunk
They speak English, occasionally breaking off
I got home at 3, wasn't that bad
Though my head hurts
& in one hour i have to go to training
FML
Also i have to stop drinking before i go to bed
Seriously having some fucked up dreams
Everyone knew everyone, aside from me
Everyone was over 25 aside from me
Everyone there was coupled, aside from me
So i just drank alone to pass the time
Till they started talking about video games
Boy did i laugh, trying not to let on how much i play
But after a while, when everyone got drunk
It was nice, i made small talk
Caught up with my family
I found it weird when Serbians get drunk
They speak English, occasionally breaking off
I got home at 3, wasn't that bad
Though my head hurts
& in one hour i have to go to training
FML
Also i have to stop drinking before i go to bed
Seriously having some fucked up dreams
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Punching bag
Today i got my ass handed down to me
by a 100kg man
that punched, kicked and elbowed me
from one side of the room to the other
though to be honest it's the best Avro I've had in a while
I'm not stressed, nor angry.
I'm happy.
mas Adam is awesome
he spent a few years in a remote Japanese villi age
teaching English
and hes helping me find a job
hes a legend in my view
so basically every Thursday
till the end of Ramadan
I'm gonna get bashed.
oh well, beats uni
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Prost
I haven't written in a while.
A dear friend recently told me,
it's hard to pretend to be happy
agreed.
reason why we haven't blogged.
though watching scrubs
i awed
and remembered a lesson
the lesson on small every day victories
good ol' scrubs
today i read my study guide
today i read my study guide
decided to look up the PowerPoint
and you know what
struggling with torts
i succeeded
i understood
i read the case
i interpreted the relevant legislation
i got cases to support my actions
and wrote down legal recommendations
to two possible actions my 'client' could sue for
victory is mine
tomorrow I'm contemplating sitting in the front row
as corny as it sounds
side note to Libby.
stop dating guys from QUT
side note to Libby.
stop dating guys from QUT
i saw Dan and blazing inferno
in the same day
i saw the roses, i wanted to hit him
though i was late for a tut
I feel like I'm not as connected with my friends
though one thing still remains
i have the ability to make people laugh
and i enjoy knowing i can do that
and I've come to realise my friends are awesome
i have the ability to make people laugh
and i enjoy knowing i can do that
and I've come to realise my friends are awesome
even the new ones
maybe i should smile a little more
maybe i should smile a little more
Saturday, August 15, 2009
A bear of a horse.
So this is life.
Bad/Good News.
I didn't get youth allowance.
Even though my parents make under the set limit.
Our rent's increasing $45 a fortnight.
I have yet to find a job.
I hate law.
We'll legal foundations.
I can't do my dream career.
I'm consistently late to classes; cause i don't care.
I don't talk to any of my school friends.
We'll that's a lie, but like 3/20
(that i want to talk to)
Don't get me wrong, uni friends are awesome.
Just wanted to maintain those HS friendships.
To those that do make a effort to text me
I didn't get youth allowance.
Even though my parents make under the set limit.
Our rent's increasing $45 a fortnight.
I have yet to find a job.
I hate law.
We'll legal foundations.
I can't do my dream career.
I'm consistently late to classes; cause i don't care.
I don't talk to any of my school friends.
We'll that's a lie, but like 3/20
(that i want to talk to)
Don't get me wrong, uni friends are awesome.
Just wanted to maintain those HS friendships.
To those that do make a effort to text me
or talk to me when I'm on msn, thank you.
Good news.
I don't hate torts.
Ekka was awesome.
I got a ff7 poster which make me smile.
Things at uni have settled down.
I found out You me at Six is playing at SW'10.
So tickets is a must =)
& a cousin got married, he looks happy.
Not in much of a writing mood lately.
Good news.
I don't hate torts.
Ekka was awesome.
I got a ff7 poster which make me smile.
Things at uni have settled down.
I found out You me at Six is playing at SW'10.
So tickets is a must =)
& a cousin got married, he looks happy.
Not in much of a writing mood lately.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Waste my time
I'm quite frankly at a loss.
it seems the one thing that would always make me happy.
it seems the one thing that would always make me happy.
last night made me more frustrated than ever.
i find myself unable to get over it.
I'm still angry now, and I'm forced into assignments.
I'm pissed off i seem to keep on disappointing people.
i don't want to, it just happens.
regardless how unreasonable peoples expectations seem to be.
my brain for some reason seems to back them up.
i don't want to change my life.
i want to keep on doing the things that make me happy.
but why must they all make the people i care about unhappy.
Swallow your pride and ego.
Swallow your pride and ego.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Re:Period of Indifference
Quite the original title, wouldn't you say.
The first part of this blog will be dedicated to a certain someone.
Then i shall go on to expand on the majority and what not.
Dearest Chum;
Then i shall go on to expand on the majority and what not.
Dearest Chum;
You've always been awkward in conversations.
It's what makes talking to you all that much more fun.
Because you can not have a normal mainstream conversation
It's what makes talking to you all that much more fun.
Because you can not have a normal mainstream conversation
That consists on how was your day,& then slowly expanding on it.
If you do attempt to change, i will punch you in the uterus.
It's not really a period of indifference in my opinion.
Its the mindless drowning on uni work.
Uni while it may be a great experience and what not.
It is a black hole that drains your emotions.
I've come to the conclusion that i always appear disgruntled.
Especially on public transport; or in Queen Street.
I don't mean to look at people displeased.
Its like a facial twitch.
It's not really a period of indifference in my opinion.
Its the mindless drowning on uni work.
Uni while it may be a great experience and what not.
It is a black hole that drains your emotions.
I've come to the conclusion that i always appear disgruntled.
Especially on public transport; or in Queen Street.
I don't mean to look at people displeased.
Its like a facial twitch.
I don't even know why i do it.
I'll do it even if I've had a great day.
It's just university life;
I'll do it even if I've had a great day.
It's just university life;
It's probably the reason why adults never look happy.
Side note:
My dreams of being a criminal profiler = fail.
Talked with a guest lecturer today.
He said one can't make that career in Australia.
So I have to rethink my degree.
Truth of the world
Everyone is two faced.
I don't mean this as a criticism.
Mealy as a observation.
Sure we all recall two faced people in fights.
We don't acknowledge it as a social construct.
I refer to my 'split-personality'.
I know it exist, i am fine with it.
Sometimes we play sudoku together.
I just want to know if everyone is aware of their one.
How it differs from you're everyday self.
I think when i have conversations with someone.
It may be a emotional one or just a good conversation.
The next day the person will contradict what they stand for.
I know who you are, looking at me sighing defectively.
I am aware i do it to.
So i purpose a question to you;
Who is your split-personality and what is their agenda?
Side note:
My dreams of being a criminal profiler = fail.
Talked with a guest lecturer today.
He said one can't make that career in Australia.
So I have to rethink my degree.
Truth of the world
Everyone is two faced.
I don't mean this as a criticism.
Mealy as a observation.
Sure we all recall two faced people in fights.
We don't acknowledge it as a social construct.
I refer to my 'split-personality'.
I know it exist, i am fine with it.
Sometimes we play sudoku together.
I just want to know if everyone is aware of their one.
How it differs from you're everyday self.
I think when i have conversations with someone.
It may be a emotional one or just a good conversation.
The next day the person will contradict what they stand for.
I know who you are, looking at me sighing defectively.
I am aware i do it to.
So i purpose a question to you;
Who is your split-personality and what is their agenda?
Sunday, August 9, 2009
false pretense
This has been someone what of a tiring week
& I've been just choking on various emotions
so i decided not to write anything
Uni - Weird - Not fun - Fail
Literature view; about as fun as being reared by a rouge elephant
Uni - Weird - Not fun - Fail
Literature view; about as fun as being reared by a rouge elephant
Fuck you JSB177
My 177 hates men/me
She a fugly arrogant cow with braces
My 177 hates men/me
She a fugly arrogant cow with braces
Not looking forward to it
Josh is rad, he makes me laugh
Thank god hes in 177
He understands why i hate people
Training was amusing last week
I over think everything, like my life
That was taken away from me
We didn't look at theory, or combinations
Side A smack Side B
I was consistently side B
So i could stop thinking
I got punched kicked and what not
It was fun in a sense
Got rid of some tension
Uni staff is urgh
"dedicate your life to us yee mindless spawn"
I had a clash in a tutorial
Well a clash + being in a group with people who dislike me
I wasn't allowed to get out of it cause it wasn't life/death
So I am now participating in a 6 month endurance test
Once again a friend falls for my charm
Josh is rad, he makes me laugh
Thank god hes in 177
He understands why i hate people
Training was amusing last week
I over think everything, like my life
That was taken away from me
We didn't look at theory, or combinations
Side A smack Side B
I was consistently side B
So i could stop thinking
I got punched kicked and what not
It was fun in a sense
Got rid of some tension
Uni staff is urgh
"dedicate your life to us yee mindless spawn"
I had a clash in a tutorial
Well a clash + being in a group with people who dislike me
I wasn't allowed to get out of it cause it wasn't life/death
So I am now participating in a 6 month endurance test
Once again a friend falls for my charm
Why am i such a babe; sigh
I hate rejecting people
I feel like a horrible person
Dating friends only turns out bad
People fail to comprehend that
Also women shit me off
Not this one i was just referring to
Talking about mindless hoes that find love in a week
I read my sisters contact list;
I hate rejecting people
I feel like a horrible person
Dating friends only turns out bad
People fail to comprehend that
Also women shit me off
Not this one i was just referring to
Talking about mindless hoes that find love in a week
I read my sisters contact list;
Get the fuck off slags
Seriously My one and only at 14
I'd turkey slap you if it wasn't classified as pedophilia
So i might go around punching people in the face
Just people in general; msn = fail
When someone asks you out, its not a declaration of love
Seriously My one and only at 14
I'd turkey slap you if it wasn't classified as pedophilia
So i might go around punching people in the face
Just people in general; msn = fail
When someone asks you out, its not a declaration of love
It's a sublet invitation to see your vagina.
Currently listening to:
"This a story of a girl - Nine Days"
& its making me think of someone
not someone i want to bag
but someone who's hand i want to hold
she doesn't notice me
ok she does cause i make scenes
Currently listening to:
"This a story of a girl - Nine Days"
& its making me think of someone
not someone i want to bag
but someone who's hand i want to hold
she doesn't notice me
ok she does cause i make scenes
still, out of my league
/sigh
i'm over sex.
i dunno why.
been 3 weeks now?
bad when you can't recall
but yeah, no real interest.
ignite = epic
proud to call you my sister
my miming clown is all grown up
i miss drama
i'm over sex.
i dunno why.
been 3 weeks now?
bad when you can't recall
but yeah, no real interest.
ignite = epic
proud to call you my sister
my miming clown is all grown up
i miss drama
the performances
while i was quite envious of her
while i was quite envious of her
i was proud to see her on that stage
I met her friends; oh how shes changed
socially and all that
though they like me; like 99%
so that's all good
xbox dearest;
so that's all good
xbox dearest;
i want to punch you in the uterus
work mother fucker!
so glad to be back online
i missed those folks
nice to have someone with life experience to help you out
i rejoined a dynamis group
(no one will know that means)
all in all its like a 3 hour event that happens twice a week
20-45 people come to play co-op to blow shit up
(no one will know that means)
all in all its like a 3 hour event that happens twice a week
20-45 people come to play co-op to blow shit up
kill various things and win shiny new gear for our characters
nerdy i know, but i'm quite the hardcore kid
Wednesday = Red Cliff
f.i.n.a.l.l.y!
I also succeeded in a aspect of life
Regardless that i may just be a stepping stone
But i manged to socialise the anti-social
Sharp wit became entertaining sarcasm
Wednesday = Red Cliff
f.i.n.a.l.l.y!
I also succeeded in a aspect of life
Regardless that i may just be a stepping stone
But i manged to socialise the anti-social
Sharp wit became entertaining sarcasm
Dejan ftw.
I've been worn out.
Both physically and mentally
I've been worn out.
Both physically and mentally
Everyone got into fights
Myself included
Then two people died
Not people i knew directly
Myself included
Then two people died
Not people i knew directly
So i found myself consoling
I don't mind it
Just need to somehow figure out how to deal with everything.
I want to hit someone in the face
I'm pretty sure i know who
i had a kick arse quote here;
Just need to somehow figure out how to deal with everything.
I want to hit someone in the face
I'm pretty sure i know who
i had a kick arse quote here;
though i got this thought in the back of my mind
that if i leave it here, it'll bring forth judgement day
don't judge me cause I'm superstitious
no fat chicks
don't judge me cause I'm superstitious
no fat chicks
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